10 Books Unlikely To Be Written In India

Why This Year’s Nobel Peace Prize Sucks

First a confession. Still in the clutch of a post-lunch siesta, initially I read this year’s Nobel Peace prize has gone to Kailash Kher and Malaika Arora which seemed to me a fair even if somewhat a left-field choice.

After all, Kher, even at the height of his fame, looks a perfectly humble and peaceful guy even though history tells us most of civilisation’s worst tyrants, such as Attila the Hun, Hitler and Don Bradman, have been people who traded vertical growth for career growth leaving (runs and) ruins in their wake.

Malaika was not an unnatural choice either, having done her bit in maintaining peace in
a Mumbai household which tops the muscle-per-family-member table but is not exactly known for emotional stability.

Furious rubbing of eyes revealed the jury has, not for the first time or last, made a complete ass of itself and has gone ahead and gifted it to some Kailash Satyarthi and Malala Yousafzai instead.

If you ask me, this year’s Nobel Peace prize should be called LoC, something India and Pakistan share and neither looks completely happy with the arrangement.

If you’ve seen his photos that have started littering the front pages of the newspapers, you’d agree with me what Satyarthi actually needed is not a Nobel prize but a stout razor and a tube of shaving cream. With the money he now has, he can obviously secure a lifetime supply of shaving kit but that’s a roundabout way of doing things.

What is more baffling is they made him share it with Malala Yousafzai. It’s not a paani-puri that you serve to a teenage girl and ask her to share it with her neighbourhood chacha.

Spare a thought for the girl! The poor girl is still recovering from the trauma of being shot by the Talibans and instead of helping her recuperate, you give her a nasty shock. Have a heart!

One completely understands the jury’s compulsion. Under a secret agreement, they have to announce a winner every year for the award that Alfred Nobel had started, for reasons best known to him, or be blown up by the good Swede’s most famous invention – dynamite.

What one doesn’t is their queer choice even when you had at least another dozen candidates who deserved it more.

Baba Siddique for instance. The Bandra MLA did the Bollywood equivalent of making Sourav Ganguly feed Greg Chappell with his right hand while fanning the feisty Aussie with his left. Siddique facilitated the epoch-making hug between Shah Rukh Khan and Salman Khan, whose followers, historians and Bollywood analysts predict, would fight World War III. If that doesn’t qualify for a Nobel then I don’t know what does.

One would go to the extent of saying that it could have been given to any Newshour panelist, for showing exemplary restraint and resisting the temptation to throttle Arnab Goswami.

And if the jury was keen on springing an obscure Indian in an unsuspecting world, Adi Pocha should have received it even if belatedly. Nobody spread peace more than Pocha has. He spread “Shanti” over 807 episodes and Mandira Bedi has not looked back since.

(Pix: DNA)
(P.S. Hope all realise it’s a humour piece and means no disrespect to anyone, however worthy)

7 Indian Neologisms

1. Aaramkhor (n) : Idle loafer.

"!&?@#!#%&! You misfielded again!" Virat Kohli thundered into Rohit Sharma’s eardrum. "We are working our socks off and here you are loafing around! Saale aaramkhor!"

2. Agreeculture (n): Corporate culture where subordinates mindlessly agree to whatever their boss says.

The CEO is an ignorant moron but his subordinates don’t have the guts to tell him that. It’s a company which expects you to agree to whatever the boss says. I can't survive in an agreeculture like that.

3. Andolone (n): Fight a movement alone.

Anna Hazare began his anti-establishment movement alone before the Arvind Kejriwals joined him. Till then it was Andolone.

4. Artifacial (n+adj) : Beauty parlour.

After the IPL spot-fixing scandal ended his cricket career, Sreesanth opened an artifacial shop in Kochi.

5. Solemate (n) : Friends who share footwear.

Few were surprised as Greg Chappell turned up in the press conference in Sourav Ganguly’s Kolhapuri chappals. They are known solemates after all.

6. Detergentleman (n): Male dhobi.

His Bollywood career gone up in smoke, Uday Chopra is trying to eke out a living as a determined detergentleman.

7. Emptea (adj) : State of the tea cup which has just been drained.

India’s most popular TV anchor, a human volcano, is actually a henpecked husband, often seen washing emptea cups at home to please his dominant wife.

Spare Chika, for fatherhood’s sake!

What bugs me is that a father can't be a father without inviting the ridicule of a world that expects him to be anything but a father.

To square cut a long story short, Srikkanth –- often hailed by the scientific community as the clinching proof that human tongue is by no meanse connected to human brain -- is drawing flaks for selecting son Anirudh in an Indian team for some Emerging Players Tournament in Australia.

In a world where you can’t possibly hurl five bricks without hurting four reluctant fathers of various shapes and sizes -–Arnold Schwarzenegger and ND Tiwary are the two ends of the spectrum –- here you have a bona fide father’s bona fide affection for his bona fide son being ridiculed.

I'm rather glad that Gandhiji isn't around. Otherwise, the same critics would have panned the Father of Nation for promoting the Nation.

Honestly speaking, Galileo had rather a narrow escape because he was indubitably the Father of Science and undeniably promoted Science, which would have surely upset the critics.

Coming back to the Chika episode, who knows, maybe there was some misunderstanding? Or the miss standing next to Chika to take dictation erred, so natural when the speaker dreams of a world without punctuations.

Probably Chika proposed Rahul Gandhi’s name as the most promising, emerging player and the steno mistook it for Anirudh? Rahul...Anirudh...Anirudh...Rahul...saw the eerie similarity!

Well, I’m ready to give Chika a benefit of doubt. Those who know cricket know it well that a batsman is always entitled to the benefit of doubt, even post-retirement.

Okay, for argument’s sake, let’s assume Chika indeed proposed his son’s name. He probably saw Anirudh emerging from behind the sightscreen and thought that was enough to qualify for the emerging players’ tournament.

Even then, I insist, Chika actually took a risk by agreeing to send his son to Australia.

Who can vouch that Anirudh would not catch the eyes of that loony alchemist Chappell?

If Chappell sets his mind to it, he may draw the kid to a corner, lay an avuncular arm around his shoulder and whisper some magic words into his ears, culminating with Anirudh announcing his retirement from cricket and plans to become a professional contortionist instead.

Returning to the rail, Chika has done fatherhood proud and he should immediately be canonised as Father Chika and not Dhinka Chika, as some Salman Khan fans would prefer.

In other words, Chika has done fatherhood proud and the tirade against him is clearly the father of all misguided vendetta.

A Suspect Cricketer

Both Ganguly and Wright had this sneaking suspicion that beneath the boy lurked a man. A yeoman.

A look at him and the selectors had this eerie feeling that they have seen future.

Those who sedulously tarred the walls of his Allahabad residence had this doubt that he did not try enough in 2003 World Cup.

Chappell, on his part, suspected he was a Ganguly henchman, who might spike his drink and then wait round the corner with a country-made gun.

And now umpires report him for a suspect bowling action in a Ranji match!

Show me a cricketer who has dealt with more doubt, suspicion and mistrust than Mohammad Kaif and I'll show you a liar.

Oz vs BP XI...Day Two

1026: Protege Pathan must be giving Guru Greg a reason to feel vindicated. Oz attack banging head against brickwall to polish the BP tail. I can see Kumble grinning. Pathan almost exhausted all his luck today before Clark saw his back.

1051: Just witnessed the Sidhu-made-famous Rajendra Talkies cycle stand of Patiala here in Uppal. The same batsmen who were swatting whatever the Aussies hurled at them suddenly looked in a hurry to return to the hut's comfort. The 500-mark looked well within reach before the collapse in heap.

1148: A number of times, Sunny Gavaskar spoke of how umpires made it Australian XIII Down Under. On the other extreme is Shavir Tarapore. BP XI got a couple of bad LBW decisions y'day and now Tarapore turned down Gony's appeal against Hayden. The ball pitched on stumps, rapped him right in front and no movement whatsoever. Can we please cut down on this kind of hospitality for visitors, please?

1247: Just saw Katich saying something to Pragyan Ojha. I have a sneaking suspicion, he was trying to convince Ojha to migrate to Australia. Does the ICC rule book empowers umpires to curb spin trafficking?

1256: To my horror, Piyush Chawla was talking to Ricky Ponting. Hope he didn't say 'I'm readymade..I mean..ready mate.' Anyway from BCCI watching?

1500: Oz bowling looked mediocre and now their batters seem vulnerable. Chawla tormented Ponting before Punter decided offence is the best defence. Except Hussey to some extent, none could really read Chawla. And this is not the free-scoring Aussie side you know. Kumble's grin widening.

The curious case of Irfan Pathan

According to a recent survey, around 75,000 children have been identified as missing across India in the last one year. Alas, you never get data about cricketers who take the obscurity-prominence-oblivion route.

Let’s admit, Irfan Pathan has become an anachronism, though that was not supposed to be the case with an otherwise immensely likeable chap with a disarming smile. An obituary to his career seems premature but I’m afraid he would go down in cricket history as a mere case study -- how not to tamper with a talent.

Indeed, Irfan can’t be faulted if he looks back and feels he got stuck somewhere between his own potentials and Greg Chappell’s aspirations. In his weaker moments he would probably admit that the aspiring all-rounder in him subdued the bowler within. Suddenly, belting looked so glamorous and bowling such a chore. No wonder, pace dipped and swing deserted, rendering him lesser a bowler.

To make it worse, too many mentors compounded the crisis. Irfan simply lost his way in the haze of advices that came from left, right and centre. Suddenly, everyone had something or the other to offer to him. No wonder, Irfan’s slower became a tautology and at some point of time, Jhulan Goswami was bowling faster than him. The same bowler who could make the ball talk, now only releases it and implores the almighty for the rest.

He probably got up one morning to discover in his horror that he has been robbed of his endowment.

My sneaking suspicion is Irfan had an identity crisis all along. He began as Zaheer protégé, was the next Wasim Akram at his zenith and then rumormongers exclaimed India has just got the new Kapil Dev. The truth is, he probably never had an identity of his own and that made him easy prey to failure.

Again, this was not to be the case.

The other day, Rafael Nadal had an asteroid named after him. I won’t be surprised if someone proposes to name a meteor after Irfan.

Image: BBC

WHODUNNIT!

So cricket got its own Ben Johnson. Of course this is not the first time. Remember how we had to digest a World Cup sans Shane Warne? And a Champions Trophy without Shoaib Akhtar and Mohd Asif?

But then what’s World Cup or Champions Trophy vis-à-vis IPL? These are mere bagatelles, compared to the blockbuster that IPL is -- a veritable cricket Olympic with a slightly altered view on its frequency. Industrial baron Lalit Modi is cricket’s answer to Baron de Coubertin.

While IPL fountainheads are yet to lay all the cards on the table, the million dollar question is whose sample proved positive? Doosra looks at the options.

1. Shane Warne: Sick and tired of dal-bati-churma, Rajasthan’s Most Famous Son (he beat Greg Chappell in a photo finish) sent an SOS-SMS from his legendary cell phone (which has scalped as many victims, especially plump English nurses, as the spinner himself) to cricket’s second most famous mother (after Jane Boycott). Soon flew in a Qantas-load of baked beans and a familiar jar. Well, the Australian’s doting German mother thought his son was through with international cricket, so why care? After all, mom’s love knows no bound, WADA or not.

2. Shoaib Akhtar: Well, how else you expect a thirtysomething pacer to react after he is slapped a five-year ban? The ban simply left him fuming and smoking. The fault anyway lies with the appellate tribunal which still contrived a way to allow him grace the IPL when he was least expecting it.

3. PCB Appellate Tribunal Members: Even Shoaib Akhtar vouches they hardly looked in their senses when they waved the green signal for the Rawalpindi Express to chug into IPL.

4. Vijay Mallya: Even the cruellest of hearts would admit that the thrashing which the Bangalore Royal Challengers were receiving with an alarming regularity was reason enough to escape from harsh realities and hallucinate .

5. Lalit Modi: Mr Mint-in-Suit, are you sure it's not yours? After all, old habits, they say, die hard.

Three possible reasons why Dhoni sends Pathan at No. 3

Doosra carried out a probe into Mahendra Singh Dhoni’s mind-numbing, logic-defying and self-destructive insistence at having Irfan Pathan batting at number three. While the decision has amused the Australians, bemused the Indians and confused even Pathan, here go three possible reasons behind this outrageously outrageous ploy:

1. Dhoni the thinking captain reckons the more a bowler bats, the better he understands a batsman’s mindset. Hence the decision to send Pathan at number three. If grapevine is to go by, Ishant Sharma will be asked to open from the next match, while S Sreesanth, because of his impeccable temperament, has been asked to watch Rahul Dravid’s video and transform himself in the same sheet-anchor’s mould.

2. Long ago, in his pre-endorsement days, Dhoni borrowed money fro Pathan and defaulted. With Greg Chappell igniting the ambition of becoming a complete all-rounder in him, an unscrupulous Pathan made Dhoni sign an agreement in which the captain had to permanently allot him the number three slot.

3. Disconsolate after losing Deepika Padukone to Yuvraj Singh, Dhoni met an astrologer in Ranchi who told him sending a holy man at number three is the only antidote to losing girl friend to best friend. Being the son of a muezzin, Pathan perfectly fit the bill and hence the decision.

Image: Noah Seelam/AFP/Getty Images

Menace in White?

Detractors in the sub-continent -- and you are tempted to side with them -- call Bucknor a 'Coconut'. The complexion is misleading, for he’s white inside.

While such comments tantamount to racism, the truth is that the trigger-happy Man in White has been a Menace in White and he often rubbed the sub-continent the wrong way by his erratic index finger.

Only Greg Chappell boasts of a more heinous finger – he preferred middle over the index.

It’s indeed a pity that the formerly affable Jamaican would go down to cricket’s annals as the pathetic soul who presided over the outrageously chaotic end to the 2007 World Cup final and how the mere sight of an Indian batsman often prompted him to point upwards.

Even at his best, Bucknor was not among the fastest decision-makers. By the time he raised his finger, the bowler had often returned to his mark and the relieved batsman would have taken guard for the next delivery.

At times, he made decisions dubious enough to give you the impression that it pertained to the previous match he had officiated in.

Well, to err is probably human but Bucknor’s amazing consistency is asinine. These days he looks a man out to erode his own stature as one of the longest serving officials in the game’s history.

And while India can legitimately claim to be at the receiving end of his goof-ups, I think the two worst victims of his tragedy of errors are Bucknor himself and the game of cricket.

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Indian Cricket, The Musical

As Indian cricket survives yet another year of intrigue, high and low, what better way than to celebrate it with music? Let’s see which song was on whose lip…

Greg Chappell: Teri Duniya Se Ho ke Majboor Chala…

Sourav Ganguly: Kyun Aaj Kal Nind Kam Khwab Zyada Hai…

Rahul Dravid: Yeh Daulat Bhi Le Lo, Yeh Shohrat Bhi Le Lo…

Sachin Tendulkar: Abhi To Mein Jawan Hu…

Anil Kumble: Aapka Khat Mila, Shukriya Shukriya…

Gary Kirsten: Mai Tera Dar Pe Aya Hu, Kuch Karke Jaunga…

MS Dhoni: Yeh Chand Sa Roshan Chehra, Zulfo Ke Rang Sunehra…

Virender Sehwag: Hum Se Ka Bhool Hui Jo Ye Saza Hamka Mili…

And finally BCCI. Well, they stuck to their theme song… “Baap Se Bada Rupaiya…”

Gary Kirsten's Ten Commandments

So Gary Kirsten takes over Team India’s coaching reins. First of all, he deserves a pat for showing the guts and taking over what is arguably the toughest assignment in the world of sport. Remember how it left Graham Ford shaking in his boots and never returning again?

Well, though Kirsten apparently has not coached any team yet, I’m ready to give him a chance and here are his TEN COMMANDMENTS that would stand him in good stead.

1. Handle Stars With Care: This is going to be Gary’s real test. A team teeming with prima donnas, with fragile ego needs careful handling. Accept the fact that Tendulkar-Ganguly-Dravid-Kumble have an aura about themselves and don’t equate them with, say a Wasim Jaffer and Dinesh Karthick. Make Yuvraj Singh believe that his turn would come soon and he should not feel hurt about losing ODI captaincy to Dhoni. Pamper him, for the team needs him.

2. Blood Young Turks: While pampering the stars, make sure you don’t end up making them feel like second class citizen. Motivate them and convince them that the seniors are in the twilight of their career and they should prepare themselves to step into those shoes.

3. Shun Newspapers and News Channels: Read business daily only, keep a tab on the bullish stock market and if you wish, invest part of your package there. Don’t worry, you won’t lose anything. But reading newspapers or watching news channel is a strictly no-no. Else, sanity would be hit for a six.

4. Columns Only Confuse: Don’t heed to what former players write in their columns. Get it right, they get paid for writing nothing, mostly it’s ghost-written. And all of them have an agenda. It would only increase the confusion. Be polite to them but don’t lend your ear.

5. No Day Dreaming Please, We’re Indians: If the BCCI brief says you are just in charge of a squad, t can’t be more misleading. Gary, you have put yourself at the mercy of a volatile cricket-crazy populace that would garland and guillotine you with the same passion. So sound realistic, avoid making tall promises and don’t encourage day dreaming. We have miles to go before we can dream of catching up with Australia. Aspiring to be the second best sounds pragmatic.

6. Don’t Exceed Brief: A crucial survival mantra. Get it right, you are not the pill that would kill all the ills that plague Indian cricket. You are not here to overhaul the system. Your job is to make the best use of it, and at best, suggest changes that would suit us. Any deviation and you have Greg Chappell waiting in Jaipur to tell you how badly it hits you.

7. Don’t Impose Things: The players are essentially Indians, not South African players in Indian bodies. Don’t try to force them into becoming Jonty Rhodes overnight. You have a heterogeneous group at your disposal, be patient and seek co-operation before introducing anything new. Accept that you can’t make much difference to Ganguly’s fitness level. Just make sure his bat keeps talking. Don’t impose things, else…well you know Chappell’s number.

8. Retain the Support Staff: Retain Prasad (bowling coach) and Robin Singh (fielding coach). Don’t ape Chappell and make it an excuse for generating employment for your friends. Already you have recruited Paddy Upton. Having Indian support staff also ensures you get the right translations of the abuses hurled at you by the players.

9. Pick Up Bit of Hindi: Well, nothing pleases us more than distorted Hindi words from foreign tongue. For starter, greet people with a NAMASTHAY. If you don’t believe me, ask...not Chappell but fellow Australian Brett Lee, who has made a fortune by now.

10. Keep A Copy of ‘Indian Summers’: This is a must. Read it carefully and you know what it takes to be a successful coach of the Indian team. Call him meek, timid, browbeaten…Wright loved India and India loves him. Chappell was too cocky to understand that and he promptly vanished into wilderness, well almost so.

All the best Gary.

Image: Getty Images

Gary Kirsten the next Team India coach?

Going by reports, Gary Kirsten – the South African southpaw who looked older than his age because of his bald look – could well be the next Team India coach.

Apparently, Kirsten, who runs a coaching academy, flew down to India where he was interviewed by Sunil Gavaskar and Ravi Shastri – two important members of the BCCI coach Selection Committee.

Kirsten also met Sharad Pawar and Anil Kumble.

And yes, BCCI is also in touch with John Buchanan too.

A final decision will be taken on a December 1 meeting in Kolkata, according to BCCI Vice President Rajeev Shukla.

Since Greg Chappell left, India are without a full-time coach. Chandu Borde (UK), Ravi Shastri (Bangladesh) and Lalchand Rajput (Twenty20 World Cup, Australia and Pakistan series) has been roped in as stop-gap managers at different times.

Among those who have applied for the job are Former stumper and Maharashtra coach Chandrakant Pandit, ex-head of the Queensland Academy of Excellence Richard Done, Leicestershire coach Tim Boon, former Australia and South Africa player Kepler Wessels, Queensland coach Terry Oliver, Canterbury coach Dave Nosworthy and ex-New Zealand captain Martin Crowe.

BCCI had a meeting in New Delhi on Monday and I was there for the briefing. BCCI Secretary Niranjan Shah had the following to say no this issue.

Q. How many people have applied for the coach’s job?

Shah: we’ve received some 20-22 applications.

Q. Would you look beyond the list and invite anyone, in case you are not satisfied with the names you have at your disposal?

Shah: No way. We would not invite anyone. The Board is not going to give undue importance to any individual. (Remember, how BCCI ended up with eggs all over its face when they invited Graham Ford and the Kent guy backed out in the eleventh hour?). We would zero in on the applications we have.

Q. The Coach Selection Committee could not meet twice in the past. When are you people going to meet?

Shah: See, it’s not necessary to meet, we can share views via teleconference too. Anyway, be assured, you would get to see a new coach before the Australia tour.)

(P.S. Plz bear with my being irregular at times. I have been covering part of the India-Pakistan series – the ODIs in Kanpur and Jaipur and the Delhi Test. With no more assignments for me, hope to be more consistent in the coming days.)

Chappell at it again!

Greg Chappell surely has a nuisance value. To be honest, it’s quite tempting to blame him for everything that has been going wrong around -- be it the emergency in Pakistan, bloodbath in Nandigram, crisis in Karnataka, Nuke deal stalemate…

Chappell’s two-year stint with Team India was more about mudslinging and muckraking than managing the side and as the incorrigible rabble-rouser proved again, old habits die hard.

So first came allegations that he was subjected to racial attack with an ugly manifestation in Bhubaneshwar airport where a Biranchi Maharana, member of a fringe political outfit in Orissa, slapped Chappell just over his right ear earlier this year.

Chappell went even further and in an ABC documentary, to be screened next week, he lashed out at the BCCI for allegedly trying to sweep the issue under the carpet.

While we were wondering how similar Chappell sounds to Andrew Symmonds, Chappell did a volte-face, playing down the issue. He did not went that far to disown the statement – it’s caught on camera after all – but played down, saying he spoke all these stuff in an “emotional moment”.

It was a very emotional time when I made these remarks. It's a long way back and I'd like to talk about other things now. I'm looking forward to being involved with the Rajasthan Cricket Academy for the next three years, Chappell said.

Having burnt fingers with his first international assignment and spoiled many a career, Chappell is smart enough to realize that other boards would steer clear of him and he just can’t afford to antagonize India if he has to make both ends meet.

In the April 11, 2007 post, I had talked about neologism and ‘Shit Midas’. Indeed, whatever Chappell laid his fingers on, it turned shit. We can only pray for the boys in the academy.

Image: AFP

Of sang-froid and India's Captain Cool

Leading Team India can be scary. With a billion-strong population ready to garland and guillotine you with equal fervour, you can always feel the sword of Damocles hanging precariously over your head. Refreshingly, Mahendra Singh Dhoni’s leadership is neither blighted by the fear of failure nor is swayed by success.

The best thing about Dhoni is that even in the toughest of times, he does not forget to flash that disarming smile. During the bowl-out against Pakistan, in the do-or-die tie against South Africa or in the high-octane semifinal against Australia, Dhoni has always been a man in control of his emotions. In fact, at times, he seemed incredulously unexcitable by what was happening around. Shoehorned into captaincy, Dhoni makes you optimistic that he is not going to fall victim to the Too-Much-Too-Early syndrome which has claimed many a potential leader.

In contrast, his predecessor continues to baffle me. Despite having a set of sparkling teeth, Dravid hardly flashed them on-field. The only plausible reason maybe that Dravid is not the one to flaunt things. Or he did not find it fashionable. Or maybe he thought flashing a smile would dilute the seriousness of the nature of his job.

But the fact remains that Dravid took his job too seriously. An introvert person, so as a skipper, he would further withdraw to his self-imposed cocoon whenever going got tough. His brooding eyes would further sink into the socket, the shoulders would droop and he would seem as irritable as someone whose girl friend has eloped with his best friend and they took his car along with them.

Sourav Ganguly was another character, who polarized opinion like none else and he too was a spectacle as a skipper. In the gung-ho Ganguly era, latecomers just needed to have a look at the animated skipper, and not the scoreboard, to realize that the match was heading for a nail-biting finish.

Ganguly would ferociously chew his nails and spit them out is if those belonged to Greg Chappell. In adversity, Ganguly often resorted to manicure, whether he’s out there fielding or cooling his heels in the dressing room. It was only when he was batting that he was not biting – his fingers, for a change, safe behind the gloves.

Indeed, hardly any skipper in contemporary cricket symbolized and reflected his team’s tooth-and-nail fight against adversity the way Ganguly did. It would be fascinating to know the average damage caused to Ganguly’s nails per match.

It is often said that success does not come without a price and you have to admit that the Prince of Kolkata sacrificed a lot, in terms of nail growth, before he emerged as India’s most successful captain.

Prior to that, we were used to watching myriad of emotions on a babyface and Sachin Tendulkar was as expressive as a pantomime artiste of the first order. So involved in the game that every setback found an instant, and poignant, manifestation in him. He would fidget, grimace, grit teeth, wink, gawk at, yell at himself, kick up dust, shrug shoulder, tug at jersey and resemble a sulking misanthrope, convinced that the wicked world had hatched a conspiracy to doom him.

For Tendulkar, it was a matter of life and death. So instead of being the leader who would lift the morale when the chips are down, the Little Master would, invariably, be the mourner-in-chief.

In contrast, Dhoni proved he can maintain sanity in adversity. The unnerving, and innervating too, pressure could not hamper his decision-making ability – as evident from asking Robin Uthappa, Harbhajan Singh and Virender Sehwag to take the bowl-out against Pakistan or inviting Joginder Sharma to bowl the last over in the semifinal against Australia.

Dhoni proved that he has the ability to keep his mind insular, isolated from the whirlpool of occurrences around him. Make no mistake, the passion is there but not to the extent that it cripples the mind and clouds the vision. A lot is said about the need of involvement but at the same time, a little detachment probably helps a captain to put things in perspective and thankfully, Dhoni has that rare quality.

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Dravid deals the final blow to Chappell!

Tension is a good thing within a team, but it needs to be creative, not destructive. John Wright had similar problems at the start but unlike Greg he was prepared to adapt. By the end he [Wright] was more Indian than the Indians...Rahul Dravid told Mike Atherton in Sunday Telegraph.

Life comes full cycle for a certain Gregory Stephen Chappell. Sitting in his Adelaide abode, Chappell probably thought the nightmare of his Team India was behind him. How wrong he was. One episode was yet to be enacted, and it was to come from the most unexpected quarter. Chappell, not even wildest of dreams, could have imagined that of all people, it would be Dravid, his protégé, who would deal the final blow.

Dravid’s comment hints Chappell created a tense dressing room and it had a “destructive” influence on the show. Okay, Wright too had teething problems, but “unlike Greg, he was ready to adapt”. And, Dravid points out, Wright was “more Indian than the Indians”. Now that says a lot and makes interpretation redundant.

One shudders with the thought but had George W Bush opted for cricket coaching, he would have been Greg Chappell, the Team India coach. During Chappell’s stint with Team India, the Aussie ring-master echoed Bush with the message that was both hidden and loud -- you are either with us or you are against us in the fight against Sourav Ganguly. And no prize for guessing which camp Rahul Dravid belonged to.

In fact the likes of Kapil Dev and Ravi Shastri in fact went on to pan a sweetheart like Dravid for taking the backseat and allowing Chappell to call the shots on every major issues.

Chappell has been sent packing, along with his “Commitment to Excellence’ mantra, after he burnt his fingers and all five of them -- the one with which he often thumbed his nose at India’s cricket populace; the assertive index, which he often flashed at the likes of Sehwag, Yuvraj, Zaheer and Harbhajan; the middle which he was notoriously attending to in Eden Gardens.

Make no mistake, Chappell was never short on ideas. But the passion and the attachment was simply not there. He always saw it as yet another deal and his pursuit of success was devoid of any emotional bond. Indian cricket was never a paragon of all cricketing virtues but Chappell’s idea of reform was devoid of love for a country, which is unique in every aspect.

If Wright was successful, it was because he sacrificed a lot. He never allowed his ego to come in the way of team’s interest and did not have a hidden agenda or a personal vendetta. Ganguly owes half his success, if note more, to this self-effacing Kiwi. If Wright succeeded, it was basically because he was a good human being and unfortunately one can’t say the same about Chappell. Dravid’s comments are bound to leave a wound somewhere in his heart, but Chappell probably deserves it.

Image: AFP

Can Suresh Raina be the left-handed Tendulkar?

(Suresh Raina/Getty Images)


Before he left the Indian shores a riled man, Greg Chappell rued Suresh Raina had to pay the price for a few good words he spoke about the youngsters. Well, finally some good news for the UP youngster as the “Wisden Cricketer” magazine names him as one of the 10 players who would define the game in the next decade.

Raina is in the august company of Australians trio of Michael Clarke, Shaun Tait and Shane Watson, England batsman Kevin Pietersen, Pakistani paceman Mohammad Asif, Sri Lankan freak pacer Lasith Malinga, West Indian all-rounder Dwayne Bravo, New Zealand batsman Ross Taylor and Bangladesh vice captain Mohammad Ashraful.

Well-known British cricket writer Lawrence Booth went on to say that Raina had the talent to be a left-handed Sachin Tendulkar with even more intuitive flair” but he needs to be sensitively handled.

Raina himself was rather coy about the compliment and said he was itching to get back to the field after fully recovering from the knee injury. Good luck Sanu.

Ravi Shastri team India's interim coach?

With BCCI taking its sweet time before coming out with its decisions –a press conference is scheduled in Mumbai tomorrow – speculation was rife with a number of questions doing the rounds:

1. What happens to Greg Chappell?
2. If he’s removed, who steps into Chappell’s Chappals (that’s slipper in Hindi)?
3. Can Rahul Dravid retain captaincy?

And the likely answers are:

1. BCCI gets rid of Chappell and employs him! Simplified, it means he vacates Team India coach’s job and instead would function as Consultant at the National Cricket Academy (NCA), Bangalore.
2. Ravi Shastri is all set to step forward as India’s interim coach till next month’s Bangladesh tour, provided he gets the green signal from ESPN-STAR.
3. Dravid retains captaincy but would be interesting to see him lead a bunch of seniors who see him as Chappell’s Man Friday.

So, keep your fingers crossed for a few more hours and trust BCCI to surprise you again.

Whatmore throws hat in fray, wants to coach India

After doing wonders with Sri Lanka and Bangladesh, the heavily mustachioed Dav Whatmore is now game for a stint with Team India.

"If the opportunity comes along surely any person who is a professional coach and prides himself in doing a good job would be interested in coaching the Indian team. If there is a position and an opportunity there, I will be very interested,” said the burly Colombo-born Australian.

Whatmore, a right hand bat, played just seven Tests besides his lone ODI appearance but then great players often cut sorry figure while trying their hand at coaching. Even the adamant Greg Chappell is likely to vouch for that.

Whatmore’s career as a coach is impressive, to say the least. He masterminded Sri Lanka’s 1996 World Cup triumph and has instilled a sense of pride among his Bangla wards, who knocked out India in the World Cup.

Unlike Sri Lanka and Bangladesh, India is a cricket crazy nation with everyone having an opinion on the game and the players have to shoulder huge burden of expectations. Whatmore, however, in undaunted by that prospect.

"Firstly any job is a challenge. I have taken up pretty good challenges in the last 10 years and this will be another big challenge. There is huge passion for the game in India. It is a big religion there and there is enormous pressure on the team,” he said.

Greg Chappell Snaps India Tie

Greg Chappell, undoubtedly the most controversial cricket coach, has just snapped his ties with Team India, citing "family and personal reasons."

Chappell has been at the eye of a storm after he accused senior players of behaving like "mafia" and even an otherwise reticent Sachin Tendulkar opened mouth against the coach.

"I am grateful to the players with whom I have worked in this time for the challenges that they presented me with and which I tried to meet in a professional, methodical and interesting way in the interests of the team and the individual," Chappell said in his letter.

Chappell had taken over from Kiwi John wright in 2005 and his contract expired with India's World Cup disaster.

BCCI Working Committee was to mee in Mumbai on April 6-7 to accept reports from the coach and team manager Sanjay Jagdale and determine Chappell's fate.