Sunday 28 September 2014

Afridi's Secret Diary: Salary Cut

I'm going threw bad faze like nobody's business. I not knowing if you readed the news. The crickit board cut my salary because they think I'm unfit. They cut my salary as if it being salad! You not seeing how anger I am. I am more anger than Dhoni when he was refuged Biryani in a hotel.

They cut my salary, on a time when shampoo and hair conditioner price is increasing like Inzybhai's westline. I don't know how lengthy I can take care of my beautiful hair.

Idiots not knowing I take my fitness like nobody's business. Every day I excise with my chacha's son.He is my favourite cuisine in the middle of all cuisines. While other cousins come only to vacant my freeze, this cuisine comes to excise. Like me, he is also a racist. So we race every morning. Then in the afternoon, we go to the Jim and lift wait. And when there is no wait, we lift Nasir Jamshed. I used to lift Inzy bhai in the earlier past days but he did not liking it and growed beard so that I cannot identify him.

Board's logistic is if they cut my salary, I can by less food from shop. I by less food means I eat less food. And I eat less means I more fit.


Truth is when I excise, I get tyred and sweets come all over my body. I am not like that dirty Munaf Patel. I have to bath again after that. And to bath two times, I need double amount soaps and double amount shampoo and hair conditioners. How I by them if you cut my salary? If you cut my salary, I stop excise because I can't bath behind that. And I stop excise means I become fat. Someone understand those idiots.

Five months in front of the World Cup, there doing whatever there wanting. This going to back on fire for us and we will have to import Burnols from India, I telling you. By for now.

Sunday 14 September 2014

Afridi’s Secret Diary: Ajmal Band for World Cup

I sewer touching my shampoo and hair conditioner that I'm anger like nobody's business.

If you steel not getting it, I'm mad for ICC who band our Saeed Ajmal for illegal action. And this six months in front of the World Cup. What massage ICC giving here?

I having no doubt this is a conspiracy and they not wanting us to victory. Ajmal is our best chucker spinner. If Pakistan cricket team is a army, he is a loyal shoulder. You band him, you handicraft us. In our country, first ballers are borning every day but chucker spinners we get rearly.

I don't know why they telling Ajmal having illegal action. When Asif played, he had illegal action. After match, he wented to shops to by nasha products. I except that us illegal action. Poor Ajmal has not even money to buy a packet of bidi.

Just I hearing ICC things he throws. It's uncorrect. Ajmal is a good boy. I know some boys once wanted to throw a match. It was just for fun, not money, I telling you. Butt Ajmal refuged. No, only Ajmal refuged. Butt did not. Also because Ajmal was not playing then.

This Ajmal band has effected our World Cup plan. We now needing a institute...or is it substitute? Otherwise, pressure mound on my soldier I loose my beautiful hairs.

Friends, time to shampoo my hair and conditioner then. I'll return back quickly. Also, I see Ajmal is 37 years old. I being so little, I take back all the "boys" in this diary and wish good luck to Ajmal chacha.

Thursday 4 September 2014

7 types of people who should be phased out

I hereby recommend the gradual phasing out of people who don’t look before...

1. Jerking hand after washing it, relying more on centrifugal forces than paper towels to dry the said body part.

2. Flicking boogers.

3. Spitting betel juice out of the window of moving/stationary vehicles.

4. Opening, without notice, the door of a moving car to drop diaper.

5. Swapping legs, without notice, from a cross-legged position at a dentist’s chamber.

6. Getting off bikes with a flourish, sweeping air with the rear leg in lame Bruce Lee imitation.

7. Trying to walk through pedestrians while gazing at the mobile screen.