Tuesday 27 December 2016

Doosra Annual Awards 2016 (UNESCO certified)

1. Human Lacrymal Gland of the Year ~ Aamir Khan. For crying here, here and here. He receives the teardrop-shaped Nirupa Roy Memorial trophy. He'd cry khushi-ke-ansu now.

2. Lord of the Larynx ~ Arnab Goswami. For breaching permissible decibel levels at prime time;

3. Indian With The Cleanest Mind ~ RBI governor Urjit Patel. Post-demonetisation, he changes mind every night;

4. Mr National Eyesore of The Year ~ Ranveer Singh. Some of the outfits he wore would have got him behind the bars in several countries. He gets a jar full of Delhi air;

5. Ms National Eyesore Of the Year ~ Airtel 4G girl;

6. Political Trishanku Of The Year ~ Navjot Singh Sidhu. Paaji left BJP but yet to join Congress or AAP, at the time of going to Press.

7. 'Atithi Devour Bhava' Samman ~ To Ravichandran Ashwin. For feasting on visiting batsmen;

8. Mard Tongue-e Wala ~ Kapil Sharma: For his breathless, mindless and frequently meaningless male chauvinistic jokes;

9. Worst Namer of the Year ~ Saif Ali Khan & Kareena Kapoor. For naming their son 'Taimur', thus exposing the kid to a lifetime of ridicule and ensuring he won't be able to visit a Starbucks for the rest of his life;

10. Yami Gautam Banking Award ~ Axis Bank. For its role to help convert black into white;

11. Wailing Cupid of The Year ~ Arijit Singh. For singing sweet love songs after sweet love songs that left the country's love-struck with emotional diabetes. He gets what he needs most, a shaving set;

12. Frugal Indian Father of the year ~ G Janardhan Reddy. For managing his daughter's marriage with a shoestring budget of Rs 550 crores;

13. Boyfriend Of The Year ~ Virat Kohli. For his stout defending of Anushka Sharma with this SHAME tweet;

14. Pariah Of The Year ~ Cyrus Mistry. From leading Tata Sons to being ousted from the group. He gets an year's supply of Tata salt, to rub on his wound;

15. Enemy Of The Inbox ~ Kangana Ranaut. For sending one mail every six minutes to Hrithik Roshan during their bizarre affair. She will receive medal from the Nigerian Price who spams our mailboxes.

16. Worst Fashion Statement Of the Year ~ Priyanka Chopra. For wearing this t-shirt.

17. Footloose of the year ~ Azam Khan's buffaloes. For their tendencies to go missing;

18. Worst Network Of the Year ~ Whichever Bob Dylan uses;

19. Indian Athelete of the Year: TMC MLA Sudip Roy Barman, who seized the Speaker's mace and ran off in Tripura assembly;

20. Bollywood's Jack-Of-All-Trades of the Year ~ Farhan Akhtar, who seems clueless whether to be an actor, director or musician. He receives Irfan Pathan Failed Allrounder Trophy;

21. National Bank ~ Paytm.

22. Gravity-defier of the Year ~ Dipa Karmakar. She also proved you don't need to jump to conclusions always, you can Produnova to it as well;

23. The Indian Houdini Of the Year ~ Vijay Mallya, for his overnight escape to safety in London;

24. The Indian Christ of the Year ~ Bihar CM Nitish Kumar, for turning wine into water until Patna High Court lifted the liquor ban;

25. 'Invisible Friend of India' Medal ~ The anonymous NASA photographer, who floats in space capturing how India celebrates her festivals and shares it unfailingly;

26. National Appu Ghar ~ Big Boss;

27. Unfaithful Indian Of the Year ~ Sonam Gupta.

28. Guide of the Year ~ Bhagwant Mann, for his guided FacebookLive tour of Parliament;

29. Misquoted Person of the Year ~ Rumi, for the umpteenth time;

30. Disgraced Institution of the Year ~ UNESCO. After countless hoaxes about it declaring random things as the 'best'. Including this post.