Saturday 24 September 2011

7 Signs That Tell Us All's Not Well With Cricket

1. Inzamam-ul-Haq opens a shop in Dubai to sell meat when his future lies in selling jacket potatoes;

2. Saurabh Tiwary blames TV cameras for making him look fat when he actually is not;

3. Rahul Dravid hits three consecutive sixes in a T20 match and still can look at himself in the mirror;

4. For the first time in his life, Sachin Tendulkar writes anything other than a bank deposit form but ICC rejects his radical ODI format proposal. (Wife Anjali just confirmed to Doosra he never wrote a love letter);

5. New BCCI regime is not tried under India's anti-poaching law despite eliminating Kochi Tuskers;

6. Mukesh Bhatt not making a sequel to "Mera Naam Joker" with Mohinder Amarnath in lead;

7. India U-19 captain Ankit Bawne axed on the flimsiest ground. Apparently the poor boy has two different dates of birth -- one in BCCI database and another in his passport. Now even the British queen celebrates her birthday twice every year and they still have persisted with the old fossil. Why single out Bawne?

Tuesday 13 September 2011

Concussed Gambhir fails memory test!

Hear it here first!

The nasty concussion has left Gautam Gambhir with a memory as dodgy as Suresh Raina’s technique against rising deliveries.

The team doctor paraded the entire Indian team and to their horror, Gambhir could not recognise his teammates!

Here is what happened there:

Doctor: Hi Gautam...hello Gautam…hey Gautam!

GG: Why are you poking at my ribcage?

Doctor: Because I’m calling you and you are not replying.

GG: But who am I? All I know is that I’m concussed.

Doctor: You are Gautam..

GG: Gautama? Gautama Buddha? Well, Buddha hoga tera baap.

Doctor: You are Gautam Gambhir. Indian cricketer.

GG: Oh yes, it all coming back to me.

Doctor: I’m relieved. Hey Viru, come here. Gautam, you know Viru?

GG: Yes. I know Viru...but he was not bald. Viru... he loves Basanti but mausi doesn’t like him.

Doctor: What are you talking? Viru is Virender Sehwag. Remember you are an opener. Hey, what are you doing? Why are you biting the can?

GG: You said I’m an opener. Was trying to open the can.

Doctor: My god! You are a cricketer who got consussed. You remember how?

GG: Yes, it all coming back to me. I was trying to catch Kevin...Kevin...Kevin Spacey.

Doctor: Pietersen!

GG: Oh yes. It all coming back to me. It’s Pietersen. Don't yell at me.

Doctor: Sachin, come here. Gautam, you know Sachin?

GG: Of course I remember. Sachin.. He has got a nasal voice. I like his "Ore majhi, le chal par".

Doctor: that’s Sachin Devvarman! I’m talking about Sachin Tendulkar!

GG: Oh yes, Tendulkar, Tendulkar. It all coming back to me. Don’t scare me doctor, now I remember it all. By the way, you sure I’m Gautam Gambhir?

Doctor: Yes. Apart from Sachin, you remember any of your team mates? You remember Rahul?

GG: Yes Rahul...he is Sachin’s son.

Doctor: Again! I’m not talking about Rahul Devvarman.

GG: Ok ok, stop scolding me. Was joking. It all coming back to me. Rahul who? Yes Rahul. He’s not Sachin’s son. He is Sonia’s son and will become Prime Minister some day.

Doctor: Hopeless. It’s Rahul Dravid. Ok will help you identify the rest. Look at him. Tell us who he is? His first name is Suresh. Does that ring a bell?

GG: Of coufrse. Hi Suresh. You look younger. You have shaved I see. Doctor, I told him to play cricket but he went to Commonwealth Games instead and got into troubles. I don’t know what he did there but was jailed. Have they released you from Tihar? I’m concussed you know…

Doctor: Aargh! Completely gone case. You can’t recognise anyone. Do you know me or you forgot the team doctor as well?

GG: I know you doctor. You are Dhoni. You got a doctorate other day. I remember everything. It...

Doctor: ...all coming back to you, isn't it?