Sunday 26 June 2011

Exclusive: Tendulkar is broke!

The Pranab Mukherjees and the Montek Singh Ahluwalias would look pretty silly now.

Exposing the hollowness of their GDP growth mumbo-jumbos, another Indian has just slipped under the Below Poverty Line (BPL).

Is it a Dicky Bird? Is it a plane, carrying homesick Lalit Modi? No, it’s Sachin Tendulkar!

Well, hear it here first.

Tendulkar, whose annual income was the closest statisticians got to infinity, is dead broke!

First he sells off his red Ferrari 360 Modena and then he applies for home loan to buy a 1 BHK flat outside Mumbai!

The twin developments merit close analysis and I want you follow me here closely.

Why did Tendulkar sell off his Ferrari, presented by no less than a Michael Schumacher?

Was it his legendary anticipation that warned him of the fuel price hike that was barely 48 hours away?

Was it the political analyst in him that closely monitored the West Bengal election and realised red was fast going out of vogue?

Can it be possible that he had a tiff with Schumacher – suppose Schumi calls him and mistakes his sing-song voice for that of a maid -- and a mighty annoyed Tendulkar did not want to keep any memory of him?

Or was it because he felt let down by Ferrari who did not resist DRS in F1? So what if this DRS stands for Drag Resistance System and not Decision Review System? After all, once you accept the initials, you are not far from accepting the whole thing!

Well, Doosra risked life and limbs to unearth the truth and here’s how the Little Master turned pauper almost overnight.

Tendulkar earned the stuff by sackfuls but didn't trust banks -- including the one he endorses -- and used to stash all his money in the cellar.

And he got the shock of his life when he found termites had eaten up all the notes!

And the rest, as they say, is his story.

P.S. Sources tell us the sole purpose of Tendulkar’s Wimbledon visit was to try and borrow some money from Roger Federer.

Wednesday 15 June 2011

Afridi’s Secret Diary: Breaking Mom, Keeping Mom

Many of you surprised why I keeping mom on my retirement and did not right anything in this dairy.

Two day...or it is two days...whoever…I give my vision of the story at the back of my retirement.

As I tell, my chaste paining and my heart is bloody like nobody’s business. Deer friends, I have lost my piece of mind and I can’t shut down my eyes in the night.

Having sleeveless nights, if you ask me.

Honestly telling, I could not take the betrial from Walker Younis and Intikhab Alum.

I always considered Walker Bhai like my large brother. I had a long standing relation with him. He was always late in meetings and I standed long hours without any complain. But see how he behavioured with me! Gave a bad report on my back.

In the other hand, Intikhab Alum was so senior that not like large brother. He was more like my ankle.

I took him on phase value and like Walker Bhai, he coned me, if you know how I mean.
Firstly the man looked very kind. In fact you can tell him a mankind. Learned so many that I considered him my guru, my menthol.

But I never understand he having a heaten agenda. The old @#$% had a…had a…what they call a blazor-sharp brain. My back’s behind, he and Walker Bhai was always doing...what you call it that has 'piracy' in the end...conspiracy!

Yes. they were conspirates. I saw zealousy on their eyes. If today I’m in trouble, they are the because.

I’m so anger that I want to throw them in the Specific Ocean. But if I do that, my carrier would be ended because they would say I chuck and there will be questions about my action. So I'm keeping mom again.

Wednesday 1 June 2011

7 Reasons Why Cricket Is A Better Sport Than Tennis

1. You don't associate cricketers with rackets;

2. The entire tennis pitch is not even 1/10th of Shoaib Akhtar’s run-up;

3. You don’t need to perch umpires on high chairs to negate the threat posed to his/her life and limb by violent players;

4. Spectators can follow the ball without resembling wind-up toys and risking serious spondylitis;

5. Players don’t make such a fuss over ball, asking for three even though (s) he would eventually need just one;

6. Ball boys are not made to crawl in full public view even though they are well past that stage in life, thus rendering them seriously vulnerable to ridicule from peers;

7. Cricketers don't need to lob the ball high up every now and then to reassure themselves that all is well with the gravitational force.

(P.S. It's the sound of Maria Sharapova in yellow treading on French Open’s red clay that provoked this post which can alternatively be called Why There Is No IPL In Tennis.)