Wednesday 25 May 2011

7 Reasons Why Tennis Is a Better Sport Than Cricket!

1. Tennis players don't crib about pitches despite made to play on all kind of surfaces;

2. They don't look like offspring of a Michelin Man and a mummy;

3. Women players get equal – in fact more -- attention;

4. Umpires at least get a chair to seat on, are not treated as cloth-hangers and don't have to do funny things with their hands to earn their bread;

5. Players refrain from unhygenic practices, such as applying saliva to the ball;

6. There is no recognised skullduggery called Duckworth-Lewis system to determine the outcome of rain-hit matches;

7. Lalit Modi has no role in it.

(P.S. It's the sight of Maria Sharapova in yellow treading on French Open’s red clay that provoked this post which can alternatively be called Why Tendulkar Attends Wimbledon but Federer Does Not Care About IPL).

Tuesday 10 May 2011

EXCLUSIVE! How Osama poisoned Pakistan cricket!

That Pakistan cricket is hell-bent on self-destruction does not make the cut for an eyebrow-raiser.

What does is that they had roped in Osama bin Laden to get the job done!

Hear it here first!

Sitting in his Abbottabad abode, the bearded Arab had been poisoning the very fountain of Pakistan cricket by injecting corruption and encouraging chucking.

These New York Times and Daily Mirror reports expose how.

Apparently, whenever a ball was hit into their compound, Osama’s men never allowed the neighbourhood boys to retrieve the cherry.

Instead, they would give them 60 rupees to buy a new ball.

The boys soon turned greedy and would deliberately throw the ball inside the compound.

Osama thus killed two pigs with the same bird by:

1. Encouraging throwing -- that explains the alarming chuckers’ concentration that threatens to turn Pakistan into Chuckistan;


2. Sowing the seed of corruption in impressionable young minds, convincing them that there is easy money to be made without actually going through the pain of playing the game.

Monday 2 May 2011

7 cricketers on Osama bin Laden’s death

1. Sachin Tendulkar: I have a strong stance on this issue. I strongly feel Osama’s death is either good or bad for us. It just can’t be anything else even though we should not rule out other possibilities. If you ask me, I think it’s essentially a relative subject and so Osama’s relatives can better answer it. Osama was apparently staying in a stone hut in Tora Bora. When people throw stone at you, you turn them into milestone. Instead, Osama turned it into a stone hut and I think that tells everything;

2. Rahul Dravid: Who died isn’t important here. One should not think about individuals, team always comes first. What’s important here is a death has taken place which means the global population has just shrunk and the air available for human consumption will be relatively higher. Besides, I think it would allow batsmen to concentrate better. I remember I was batting against Sachin’s son in Mumbai when the Americans were bombing Afghanistan and it greatly affected my concentration. The only time I had a similar problem was in Sydney when a whale rather loudly exhaled in the adjacent Tasman Sea just when I was taking guard;

3. Shahid Afridi: I’m happy like nobody’s business. When I speaked that Indians not having big hearts and we having, people moleculed me…or is it ridiculed? Whoever…Now see which country gave Laden shelter? I feel…I feel… vindictive…the media will now eat dumbbell pie;

4. Anil Kumble: I see beyond Osama’s death and what stirs me is the inequality of the contest. The US Military and the Al Qaeda were fighting and I’m sorry to say only one team was fighting in the true spirit. Our Bangalore Royal Challengers owner Vijay Mallya has naturally taken interest and promised to reduce the spirit deficit;

5. Sourav Ganguly: I’m really aghast. I think Obama is selling us dummy. I’ve been tipping them that bin Laden was masquerading as Greg Chappell but they did not listen. I’m not convinced that bin Laden is dead;

6. Shoaib Akhtar: Dude, America is not like Pakistan. America is in America and unlike Pakistan, there people don’t celebrate when their presidents die. USA losing president like Osama is like Pakistan losing me;

7. Shane Warne: Heard the guy was living with his youngest wife. Got her number mate?