Monday 29 August 2011

Scoop: Srikkanth-Anna Hazare teleconversation!

Hear it here first.

Anna Hazare had barely drained that glass of honey-laced coconut water when his mobile rang. Anna was surprised to find that the person at the other end was Srikkanth.

Below is the final instalment of Doosra’s own WikiLeak:

Srikkanth: Hello... WhadDoYouKhalIt... KhanISpheakToHanna?

Anna Hazare: Hello beta. Did you mean Anna?

Srikkanth: HabsolutelyYes,That’sWhyISaid...Hanna.

Anna Hazare: Well beta, I’d be happy if you call me Anna.

Srikkanth: KhamOnDude... JustKhalledYouThat... Hanna.

Anna Hazare: Ok beta, since you insist. Hanna here.

Srikkanth: WhadDoYouKhalIt... I’mTheChiefSelectorAndWeNeedAPlayer... SoHanna... WillYouPlayForIndia?.

Anna Hazare: Me? But beta I’ve not played cricket ever.

Srikkanth: DoesNotMatterHanna...
SomeOfOurPlayersGiveTheExactImpression... YouHoccupiedCreaseForMoreThan12DaysAtRamLila... MoreThanDhoniAndOtherBuggersDidInHingland... That'sHenoughForMe

Anna Hazare: But...

Srikkanth: WhatButMan... AndYouAlreadyInGoodKhompany... HeardYouHaveATeamThatHincludes... AravindaDeSilva.

Anna Hazare: Beta, you got it wrong. It’s Arvind Kejriwal.

Srikkanth: YouHabsolutelySure?WellYouHaveKiranMoreAtLeast.

Anna Hazare: Beta., it's Kiran Bedi and not More.

Srikkanth: YouHabsolutelySure?ThoughtIt'sKiranMore...TheHairStyle... HabsolutelyHolyMess... GotHerNumberFromSomeoneAndSentADirtyJokeHassumingSheIsKiranMore.

Anna Hazare: Don’t worry beta. Fear no harm. Like me, she’s also a Gandhian.

Srikkanth: WhadDoYouKhalIt... BothOfYouAre GotGAndhiFans?Khan’tBelieveIt... AlwaysThoughtHeWasHabsolutelyCrap.

Anna Hazare: What are you talking about beta! You pain me.


Anna Hazare: Haan beta. How can you speak like that about Baapu?

Srikkanth: WhadDoYouKhalIt... ThoughtYouTalkedAboutDevangGandhi... Baapu... YesLikedHim... HeWasOurBestSpinner.

Anna Hazare: What are you talking beta? First calling me Hanna and now saying Bapu was a spinner...I’me having chest pain now.

Srikkanth: Habsolutely... Don’tYouKnowHeSpunCharkha... WishHeWasHaround... WouldHaveReplacedBhajjiWithGandhi…ByTheWayHanna... YouMustBeHungryHAfterTheFast... Let’sGoForADinner... IlikeYou... KhonsiderMeAPal.

Anna Hazare: I don’t have any pal beta, I have only Lokpal. But I can’t go for a dinner because I don’t eat at night beta.

Srikkanth: IDon’tEatAtNightToo... Maybe some
ChoruSambharRasamKootuThayirPuliyodaraiIdiyappamAppam.... nothing More.. HopeYouDon’tKhalItEating? Hello...Hello...Helloo.

Wednesday 24 August 2011

Scoop: Srikkanth-Dhoni teleconference!

Srikkanth: Hello... WhadDoYouCallIt... Is ItTeamINdiaHotel?...CanITalkToAimEssDoni?

Dhoni: Hello. If you are Ian Bell, leave your number. I will call you back. Aur bolo...

Srikkanth: YouHabsoluteMoron...

Dhoni: Oh, Chika Saar! That rings a bell... Aur bolo.

Srikkanth: HagainBell... YouGotAnyIdeawhatPeopleNowCallYou?

Dhoni: Why? They call me Mahi!

Srikkanth: No... PeopleNowCallYou… WhatDoYouCallIt... Yes... ’CallingBell’... WhyTheHellDidYouRecallHim?

Dhoni: Saar, we were losing the match anyway. No rating points to be gained, so thought why not some brownie points... Aur bolo.

Srikkanth: YouOfficiousFathead...

Dhoni: Unimaginative! You hurt me Saar. I imagined England were in crisis; never stood up imagining Praveen’s edges will carry; imagined Sehwag will score 300 in both innings and finally imagined we will win the series 4-0. And here you call me unimaginative…. If my imaginations were correct, we would have been in the team hotel long back...Aur bolo.

Srikkanth: YouHabsoluteHalfwit... BetterPullUpYourSock... OrIWouldImagineYouWouldSoonLoseCaptaincy.

Dhoni: Can you hold the phone for a second saar?

Srikkanth: Why?

Dhoni: Need both hands to hold my socks and pull.

Srikkanth: !@#@$%^&*.

Sunday 7 August 2011

Scoop: Srikkanth-Harbhajan tele-conversation

Indian classical singers often do it.

It looks like someone trying to scratch the itch when the reverential thumb and the equally respectful index finger gently rise to ceremoniously touch -- and strictly not press, says the manual -- the earlobe when the Guru's name is to be uttered.

It's a similarly earlobe-touching occasion as Doosra pays tribute to the Murdoch family that has taken phone-hacking to a new level, setting a benchmark that posterity would struggle to match.

Upholding the same spirit, Doosra serves you hot the spicy telephone interaction that took place between chief Indian selector Krish Srikkanth and axed spinner Harbhajan Singh.


Srikkanth: HelloIsThisTeamIndiaHotel?

Harbhajan: Oye Khote Da Puttar! Ordered butter chicken two hours back and you are calling now instead of delivering it? Go and cook it fast. And when you have made the dish, ask yourself “Have I Made It Large?”...because I’m very hungry and can eat an entire poultry farm.

Srikkanth: HeyYouHabsoluteSonOfAGun…ThisIsChikaHere.

Harbhajan: O Teri Ki! Chicken? Did you say Chicken? You mean you are the chicken I ordered? I can’t believe it! I’m talking to the chicken I’m going to eat! What a hotel!

Srikkanth: I’mGoingToEatYouMoron…ThisIsChikaAndNotChicken.

Harbhajan: O Teri! Chika Sir. Sorry sir...made a mistake.


Harbhajan: Do little? I could do little sir. The pitches here are not spinning at all. Only thing that spins is my head sir. So tough.

Srikkanth: YouBowledCrapInTheSecondTest… WantedToKickYou...Don’tRememberAnyoneBowlingSoMuchFilth…

Harbhajan: Don’t remember? Memory loss? I know sir, happens with ages. Our coach Fletcher also has this problem. He met Sania Mirza and said “Don’t tell me you have a 40-year-son who will be India’s next Prime Minister!”. Hahaha...

Srikkanth: YouBrainDeadBowledHabsolutelyNegativeInTheSecondTest..

Harbhajan: Strategy sir, strategy. You remember how I bowled in the first test?

Srikkanth: HabsolutlyRememberHagainYouBowledNegativeLine.

Harbhajan: Exactly sir. Haven’t you heard sir that two negatives make a positive?

Srikkanth: WhatCrap...YouThinkI’mMadOrWhat? Ican’tTakeItAnymore...YouAreSackedFromOnedayTeamAndI’llMakeSureYouAreNotAllowedWithin10kmOfDressingRoom...YouHabsolutelyMoronHaveNoIdeaHowBigAHoleYouAreIn…

Harbhajan: Have I made it a large, sir?