India v Pakistan: 7 Takeaways

1. For India, Shikhar Dhawan and Virat Kohli forged the kind of partnership that, if noticed by Hindu Mahasabha, would have redefined their marital status;

2. Like any other partnership in life, the one between Dhawan and Kohli also ended courtesy a misunderstanding;

3. Science Fact: Gravity is stronger between the fingers of an Akmal.

4. There was so much wind in Adelaide that Indian potato chips manufacturers are planning plants there;

5. Considering how windy it was in Adelaide, ICC missed a golden opportunity to generate electricity by connecting Mohammad Irfan's long, windmilling arms to a generator;

6. By ruling Umar Akmal out, TV umpire Steve Davis has leapfrogged India in any popularity chart in Pakistan;

7. The crowd at the sellout crowd made so much noise that man-of-the-match Virat Kohli confessed he had a distinct feeling of being in the Newshour studio with Arnab Goswami at full throttle.

World Cup Day 1: 7 Observations

1. Aaron Finch gives the impression that he spends leisure time skinning wild buffaloes alive with a blunt knife;

2. As captain, Eoin Morgan now has more ducks than you can hope to find in a rural Bengal pond on a given day;

3. Freed from captaincy, Morgan can express himself better. As Hollywood would vouch, what suits England most is a Morgan Freeman.

4. Mitchell is Australia’s answer to Bollywood’s Rahul. Mitchells comprised 3/11th of the Australian line-up;

5. Steven Finn’s hat-trick will go down in history as a cricketing feat as memorable as something which presently escapes my mind;

6. Sri Lanka’s 98-run defeat to New Zealand is their worst since going down to Lord Ram;

7. Mahinda Rajapakse’s defeat appeared to hang heavily on Lasith Malinga’s mind.

Afridi's Secret Diary: Salary Cut

I'm going threw bad faze like nobody's business. I not knowing if you readed the news. The crickit board cut my salary because they think I'm unfit. They cut my salary as if it being salad! You not seeing how anger I am. I am more anger than Dhoni when he was refuged Biryani in a hotel.

They cut my salary, on a time when shampoo and hair conditioner price is increasing like Inzybhai's westline. I don't know how lengthy I can take care of my beautiful hair.

Idiots not knowing I take my fitness like nobody's business. Every day I excise with my chacha's son.He is my favourite cuisine in the middle of all cuisines. While other cousins come only to vacant my freeze, this cuisine comes to excise. Like me, he is also a racist. So we race every morning. Then in the afternoon, we go to the Jim and lift wait. And when there is no wait, we lift Nasir Jamshed. I used to lift Inzy bhai in the earlier past days but he did not liking it and growed beard so that I cannot identify him.

Board's logistic is if they cut my salary, I can by less food from shop. I by less food means I eat less food. And I eat less means I more fit.

Cowdung!

Truth is when I excise, I get tyred and sweets come all over my body. I am not like that dirty Munaf Patel. I have to bath again after that. And to bath two times, I need double amount soaps and double amount shampoo and hair conditioners. How I by them if you cut my salary? If you cut my salary, I stop excise because I can't bath behind that. And I stop excise means I become fat. Someone understand those idiots.

Five months in front of the World Cup, there doing whatever there wanting. This going to back on fire for us and we will have to import Burnols from India, I telling you. By for now.

10 Soccer Facts I Bet You Didn’t Know

1. Babies are normally born head-first. Andrea Pirlo bucked the trend and was born beard-first.

2. An unborn Miroslav Klose never kicked his mom from inside her womb. He always headed.

3. Philipp Lahm is shorter than himself.

4. Arjen Robben can overtake any Irfan Pathan/Vinay Kumar delivery in loafers.

5. The density of hair in Joachim Loew’s head matches that of Anil Kapoor’s chest.

6. Kokilaben Ambani made a last-ditch attempt to make the Boateng brothers Jerome (Germany) and Prince (Ghana) bury their differences and play for any one team.

7. Eden Hazard was named after the 1967 Kolkata test match violence.

8. Sepp Blatter reports to N Srinivasan.

9. FIFA is a BCCI sub-committee.

10. An ageing Klose will decide whether to play on after the 2050 World Cup to be held in Chennai under BCCI’s aegis.

7 World Cup inferences!

I know people who dismiss the Indian cricketers as obscenely overpaid nitwits who should not be allowed to open their mouth except when eating.

But if you can read between the lines they utter, you would be amazed at their unsuspected depth. The word I’m groping for has a cat in it...implications…if you know what I mean.

Sample the seven inferences anyone will draw after listening to them:

1. Yusuf Pathan is Atlas reborn: As Virat Kohli so articulately put, Tendulkar has “carried the burden of the nation” for 21 years and Yusuf Pathan carried Tendulkar in Mumbai. It amounts to, if your arithmetic is alive and kicking, carrying the burden of a nation + 65 kg.

2. Yuvraj Singh has corrected himself: "I think we kissed the World Cup trophy a thousand times".

3. Yuvraj had a bright future as a claymodeller before he took to cricket: "Earlier, whatever I was touching was turning into mud."

4. Praveen Kumar thinks Dhoni is fast losing popularity : "Dhoni is Obama of cricket"

5. Dhoni believes if human mind develops pimple, it should be named after Sreesanth:"If you want to irritate someone that should be the opposition and not your side."

6. Yuvraj thinks there is not much difference between Gambhir and love – both are blind: "I told Gautam: I am not Virender Sehwag, I can't run like that."

7. Dhoni helps a great deal to keep Yuvraj cool: "I am a great fan of Yuvraj."

P.S. A couple of you wanted to know my World Cup experience. I’m afraid the details would only bore most. If you insist, well some of my experiences include being abused by Yuvraj's father over phone for about 10 minutes, holding Geoffrey Boycott's hat in a flight while he jostled with Arun Jaitley's secretary to stow luggage, spilling coffee on Nasser Hussain's shoe in Chennai, listening to Derek Pringle swearing profusely in Hindi in Ahmedabad, nearly tripping Sanjay Manjrekar in Mohali...warned you, it would only bore you.

7 reasons why cricket is a better game than soccer

1. Soccer is way too abrupt. 90 minutes is what Shoaib Akhtar needs just to complete his run-up, which means his delivery would reach the batsman only in the extra-time!

2. A Warne or a Brett Lee may try their hand at designing underwear but they know where to draw the line. They would not model it themselves even for a dying grandmother, no sir. And there you have Beckham and Ronaldo unabashedly dropping fabrics and making these brief appearances;

3. Cricket’s post-match ritual doesn’t include exchange of stinking, sweaty jerseys. The first thing a footballer presumably does when he gets home is to burn it and bury the ashes in courtyard or clog the neighbour’s drain with it;

4. Cricketers may mistake the umpire for a cloth-hanger but never as a spittoon;

5. FIFA World Cup maybe a coiffeur’s delight but some of the haircuts on display not only border on sacrilege but also threaten to destroy the very social fabric of human civilization;

6. An umpire is not required to blow whistles till his lungs ache to earn his envelop;

7. Cricket coaches don’t make such a colossal ass of themselves on the sideline, jumping in ill-fitting suits like a headless chicken troubled by an ingrown nail;

(P.S Blogging would be irregular till FIFA World Cup ends. Going Port Elizabeth, hoping to watch more than one quarterfinal. Sorry folks, already oversubscribed for vuvuzelas. Will try to post something from there but don't put your money on that possibility. Be right back.)

7 reasons why soccer is a better game than cricket

1. Footballers refrain from something as unhygienic as applying saliva on the ball in full view of the broadcast public, including impressionable kids, and still look unapologetic;

2. Staying with the hygiene theme, FIFA deals with groin dermatitis in a more straight-forward way. So far, no footballer has been reported rubbing ball for that momentary pleasure;

3. Winning captain doesn’t uproot the goalpost and take it home as souvenir;

4. Losing captain doesn’t make outrageous excuses like the grass on turf suited the opponents;

5. The referee is not reduced to a walking hanger where players deposit their stinking garments;

6. The ball is way too big even for an Afridi’s mouth;

7. They don’t orchestrate a tiny scrum of handful scums and call it a World Cup.

Flintoff on a pedalo again!

This is not an ODI World Cup year. Nor has he a vice captaincy to shed.

More importantly, he looks sober and alone.

Freddie Flintoff still gets on a pedalo and it’s not even a sequel to the Pedalogate I.

Believing that the Australians are not capable of doing anything else, the mastermind of this deodorant advertisement shows two Aussies nicking Flintoff’s car and leaving a pedalo instead. Mind you, one of them looked like Michael Clarke’s cousin.

But Freddie the Flintstone could not care less as he gets on the pedalo, reviving memories of his booze cruise in the Caribbeans, and wades through a canal to reach destination.

The pedalo is up for grabs and the money will go to Flintoff's foundation.

Inzamam and an anecdote

(Well, this is an anecdote you won’t find elsewhere. It’s sort of an exclusive because the mainstream media, including the place I work, had too much on the plate that day and hence ignored it.

When Inzamam-ul-Haq -- looking surprisingly lean and trim in jeans and T-shirt -- came to Delhi to announce his new innings as host of “Junoon 2007” a show on a channel on the Indo-Pak series, Nikhil Chopra – that former offie – shared an incident about the Pakistani “Gentle Giant”).

“We were in Sharjah (1998) and a pair of Pakistani shoes which Inzibhai was wearing caught my eyes and I said “Inzibhai, bahot badiya hai’ (Inzibhai, nice shoes). He surprised me when he asked my shoe size and said, “Tumse (1999) world Cup me milunga aur tab tumhare liye bhi le aunga’ (Will see you in the 1999 World Cup and will bring a pair for you. I was touched by his gesture.

“And to my utter surprise, when we met in the 1999 World Cup, he did present me a pair of shoes he had brought with him all the way from Pakistan. Now that tells you what kind of a person he is,” Chopra said.

Inzamam, meanwhile, looked little embarrassed all along on the dais. Cricket definitely needs players of his ilk.

Image: Reuters

Geyser pays price for World Cup malfunction

(Barbados Bungle artists: Billy Bowden, Steve Bucknor)

Justice delayed is justice denied, alright. But in an imperfect world, two months is not a big deal. Hence, ICC's decision to suspend the disgraced quintet behind the Barbados Bungle deserves kudos.

Steve Bucknor comes across as an affable Jamaican. Aleem Dar looks unruffled under pressure. Rudy Koertzen probably deserved a Chevalier de Légion d'honneur for refusing to be bribed before the Coca-Cola Cup final. On his part, Billy Bowden is cricket's answer to Jim Carey.

But does that mean they would go scot-free after spoiling the summit clash of cricket's greatest extravaganza?

Make no mistake, Australia deserved to win and win in broad day-light. Semi-darkness suits pilferers and cat burglars, not world champions. Bucknor & Co clearly lost the marbles they were supposed to count in Barbados.

Now whether it was Koertzen, who sowed the seed of doubt or not, that’s irrelevant. Mired in controversy, murder theory, upsets, low turn-outs and mediocre displays, the World Cup desperately needed a final to salvage some of its reputation in the spiritual home of the game. And Australia-Sri Lanka showdown meant two best teams had reached the summit clash. But the ill-fated event concluded in the shoddiest manner.

"The umpire at cricket is like the geyser in the bathroom; we cannot do without it, yet we notice it only when it is out of order." So said Neville Cardus. Fair enough. But then it was not just another Tom-Dick-Harry memorial tournament after all.


Image: BBC

Return of the Rogue

Poor Shoaib Malik must be a tense man. His blue print for a revival in Pakistan’s fortune has been jolted with the selectors bringing back the rogue called Shoaib Akhtar. Malik can’t be blamed if he files an affidavit tomorrow, seeking a rechristening. After all, the Shoaibs are, to borrow the cliché, poles apart.

Under Malik, Pakistan cricket seemed ready to shrug off the baggage of its past and the nightmare of a World Cup, in which they lost personal and collective reputations, apart from their coach.

Akhtar’s return is enough to upset any plan whatsoever. With him in the ranks, no total is enough to defend and in ODIs, he means swelling extras and the risk of slow over-rate, thanks to his spectacular run up. As batsman and fielder, Shoaib means the think-tank would have the additional work to hide him in the batting order or out there in the field.

Akhtar has been an incredibly selfish player, who never hesitated to put his personal goal before team’s interest. Seduced by the speedgun, he refuses to shorten his almost never-ending run-up, throwing team interest out of the window. He is there only to put up a show and throw his varied tantrums. He is like a corn that pains Pakistan cricket in every step and hampers its progress.

A rogue with scant respect for others, Shoaib is not the cricketer any coach would want his wards to idolize. He is so enamoured by the show that he forgot substance. Everything he laid his fingers on, turned a huge mess. His presence is often disturbing and he has, time and again, vitiated dressing room atmosphere.

If Malik’s appointment was a step in the right direction, Pakistani selectors undid the good work the moment they thought about Akhtar’s comeback. Malik has seen his tantrums from close quarter and deep inside, he must have abhorred the idea of sharing the dressing room with a teammate with the mindset of a street urchin.

Even his staunch critic can’t accuse Shoaib of being disciplined and the “Rawalpindi Express” always considered himself larger than team, and occasionally, than the game itself.

Cricket in general and Pakistani cricket in particular will be well off without pretenders like Akhtar. Malik is expected to do a Hercules and clear the Augean’ stable called Pakistan cricket. Going by his potentials and temperament, the youngster would surely give it a best shot. But the mere presence of Akhtar is enough to scuttle any such bid. High time Pakistani selectors realized that Akhtar is not worth his tantrums.

Image: AFP

Gallant losers and timid victors

(Architects of a hard-earned win. AFP Photo)


There ought to be some other means of reckoning quality in this the best and loveliest of games; the scoreboard is an ass -- Neville Cardus.

Since David slew Goliath, and in cricket since India won the 1983 World Cup, we sided with the underdogs. And today’s India-Bangladesh match was another occasion when you felt more for the gallant losers, than their timid victors.

The victory margin of five-wicket win could not have been more misleading. It hid as much, if not more, as it revealed.

Did it say how master strategist Dav Whatmore, before changing camp, outwitted a shrewd Ravi Shastri? Or did it say about Tamim’s youthful arrogance, Saqibul’s nonchalance, Omar’s grit and Ashraful’s blooming personality.

Nor did it say how Mahendra Singh Dhoni braved cramps and limped on and on but stayed there till his side was through. Similarly, Dinesh Kaarthick was worth far more than his 58 runs. There was a time when India had to place Dravid behind the stumps to accommodate an extra bat/bowler. And here you have two wicketkeepers in the side, both capable of walking into the squad purely as a batsman.

But take Dhoni and Karthick away, India cut a sorry figure in the match. After losing the top half of their batting order for 144, it seemed another upset win was on the cards. Dhoni and Kaarthick, however, had other ideas and they carried out the bail-out act with aplomb.

The win notwithstanding, Team India has more questions than answers now. Why is it so that the more it craves for change, the same it remains?

Are Proteas getting death threats?

For those who though cricket madness is essentially a sub-continental trait, time they get rid of their prejudice. Chances are that the Proteas are getting death threats after returning home from the World Cup.

Skipper Graeme Smith did a flip-flop by first claiming that the team, after their World Cup semifinal exit, was getting death threats. Realising he had dropped a bombshell, Smith claimed his version was misconstrued and he was actually referring to India’s hostile reception on their return from the West Indies.

This was what Smith said to a radio talk show;

“We are still recovering from our semi-final defeat to Australia and the threats are hard to deal with.”

Later his statement read: "I was referring to the reception India got when they returned home from the tournament and reports of incidence of violence that occurred in that country.”

Woolmer got death as a gift?

(Did Bob Woolmer drink death?)

Even after his mortals remains were cremated after going through a disgraceful six weeks of post-death rigmarole, there is no let up in theories as to what killed Bob Woolmer.

The Sunday Times quoted a Jamaican Police source saying that Woolmer consumed poisoned champagne – a rare weedkiller was used as poison-- which he got as a gift.

Police found high level of herbicide in his stomach and also discovered its traces in the glass from which he drank.

“Everything was contaminated. The stomach content, the glass, everything. There was enough to kill him,” the source said.

Woolmer was apparently poisoned before being strangled to death in the Kingston hotel room a day after Ireland knocked Pakistan out of the World Cup

The sleuths are also zeroing on the two champagne bottles, which Woolmer got as a gift. One was emptied and another was found untouched.

The weedkiller is rare and sleuths are not sure if it’s available in Jamaica.

“We think it’s something very unusual, that you can’t even buy in Jamaica. We don’t know what form it was in, whether liquid or crystal. The weedkiller was certainly in the glass. We are not sure whether it was in the bottle. Until we get further results we can’t confirm it,” the source added.

(Photo: AP)

Dar complaints World Cup was too long

(Bucknor and Dar/ AFP Photo)

One thought if anyone was amused by the never-ending World Cup in the Caribbeans, it must be the Men in White. Their job have been reduced to counting marbles and doubling-up as walking hangers for funky shades, muddied sweaters and dirty hankies but still the more they stood under the sun, the more they earned.

But Pakistani umpire Aleem Dar – part of the circus that scripted the farcical end to the final in Barbados – rubbishes the theory and reveals even he got fed up.

Dar says "It was a bit too long and in the end tired out the players and umpires. I think the World Cup should be of shorter duration."

Probably bored by the Caribbean waters, was he thinking about the biryani of his native Jhang while officiating in Barbados? Was it homesickness that cluttered his common sense and made him party to the inept match conduct in the final?

Dar said "I think there was a communication breakdown and we acted on instructions from outside. But the feeling was that the match had to be completed on the reserve day but the captains told us this is the rule. At times mistakes do happen. The International Cricket Council (ICC) and match officials have done the right thing by apologising for the mistake made in the final."

The problem is ICC has promoted a culture where confession is the redemption. Malcolm Speed apologises but does not sound apologetic. Ditto with Dar. It happens, we know. To err is human. but consider the occasion. World Cup final is not just another Indo-Pak ODI in another non-descript, god-forsaken place, after all. Or is it?

Men in Blue: Unpaid, under-performed?

Maybe here you have the real reason behind Team India’s string of flop shows starting with the Champions Trophy and culminating – hopefully -- in the World Cup.

According to reports, the outrageously cash-rich BCCI, the richest cricket body under the sun, has not paid its players for the last seven months!

A high-handed BCCI has reduced cricket to an unorganized sector in the country, not allowing unions and arbitrary deciding fate of the players . The board simply doesn’t accept the existence of the Indian Cricket Players` Association, even though ICPA too has its share of blame. Envious of the players’ earnings, board officials make snide off-the-record remarks, plant stories in the media and harangue about performance-based payments.

Consider this. The Men in Blue remains unpaid since last year’s Champions trophy. Since then, they have toured South Africa, hosted Sri Lanka and West Indies before travelling to the Caribbeans for the world Cup, all unpaid.

Its overflowing coffers notwithstanding, BCCI has been an Uncle Scrooge when it came to making payment. And this was not the only occasion.

Andrew Leipus, the team’s former physiotherapist, was not paid for the last five months of his tenure, while the affable John Wright remained unpaid for seven months in 2004. BCCI took almost a year to pay the Rs 50 lakh bonus to Team India after their series win in Pakistan.

And this is after BCCI pocketed $612 million selling TV rights for next four years, adding to its annual income of $300 million dollar.

As usual, BCCI downplayed the issue and its publicity-hungry Vice President Rajiv Shukla said, “The payments were not made because the contracts were not ready. Once the contracts are signed, everything will be cleared. This is not a problem at all.”

Senior cricketers are fuming but the World Cup debacle and the Board’s gag order has forced them to maintain the mum.

Now a fatwah angle to Woolmer murder case!

(Bob Woolmer's body reaches Cape Town, at last; Photo: AP)


Hired hitman, match-fixers (not of the matrimonial kind), Al-qaeda, Dawood Ibrahim, snake venom, strangulation, poison…now add a ‘fatwah’ angle to Bob Woolmer’s mysterious murder in his Kingston hotel.

Pervez Mir, Pakistan media manager in the World Cup, told BBC Panorama programme that Woolmer was unhappy that Inzamam’s boys prayed more and played less. Woolmer never wanted to coach a side teeming with devout Tableeqi Jamaat followers.

Mir’s complaint about the players’ over-religiousness earned the poor man a fatwah and forced him to flee Pakistan. Mir claims, Woolmer too would have invited a fatwah had he gone public with his feelings on the players.

Mir went on to recall an incident to prove his point:

"A CD was being played which was a Tableeqi CD and Bob, who was sitting behind me, said 'why don't you tell them to stop? If they want to listen to that they could on their iPods or personal devices', and he thought that he shouldn't be subjected to all that and I agreed with Bob."

Sagging umpiring standards, is ICC listening?

ICC CEO Malcolm Speed ruled out blacklisting the erring match officials of the cricket World Cup final.

But what came to the fore is that Rudi Koertzen is the architect of the farce that was 2007 World Cup final, at least Match Referee Jeff Crowe wants us to believe.

According to Crowe, it was Koertzen – who has officiated in more ODIs than any other umpire –who initiated the bungling process which eventually resulted in the chaotic end to the game’s greatest extravaganza.

"Sometimes you get a stronger voice which says 'I know the rules - this is how it works'," was Crowe’s effort to explain the inexplicable.

"Then you get a bit of confusion in the group itself, and no one wants to overrule the other… Rudi was talking about the allowances and talking about the possibility of tomorrow. I don't think it's Rudi's mistake, it's a collective mistake.

This was well nigh a cricketing felony from Koertzen, who had just overtaken David Shepherd's record of 172 matches with the World Cup match between England and West Indies at Barbados.

Crowe, for once, sounds sane when he says on-field umpires Steve Bucknor and Aleem Dar could have overruled Koertzen.

"The fact Rudi might maybe have suggested it early doesn't mean the other umpires couldn't have over-ruled him. The two on-field umpires are the ones who control the match."

For records, Bucknor was standing in his record fifth World Cup final along with Dar, voted second best umpire of the years 2005, 2006.

Both Bucknor and Koertzen are two of the just three umpires from the original elite panel who have maintained their place but an asinine ICC just fails to realize that umpires are not spinners who get better with ages. Cricket would be better off with younger Men in White with better sight and faster reflex.

Bucknor’s on-field antics and endearing smile may have earned him friends but his decision-making has not. At times, he seems giving the verdict for a dismissal that took in the previous match.

I don’t find any fashion statement in Koertzen’s slow-death finger either. It has more to do with old age, probably.

I’ve no problem with human error. It rather makes the game more and more unpredictable and hence, exciting. I’m not the one to believe that they have not read the rule book. Reality is, they have either forgotten it or just could not cope up with the pressure there. Counting marbles in a pressure-cooker scenario, they just lost it.

(Photo: Rudi Koertze, the architect of farce?)

The A-Z of the 2007 World Cup

Now that the World Cup is finally over, here is an AFP copy that tries to encapsulate the entire event in the alphabetical order:

A is for Australians, everywhere. As well as the champion team, there were Australian players in the Ireland and Scotland squads while India, Sri Lanka, Bangladesh and West Indies all started with Australian coaches.

B is for biceps, particularly those of Australia all-rounder Andrew Symonds whose participation in the tournament had been put in doubt because of arm surgery.

C is for crying and the tears of Bermuda's 17-year-old seamer Malachi Jones who wept and wept and wept after taking the wicket of India opener Robin Uthappa with his fourth ball. However, he would have blubbed even more when he finished with 1-74 off seven overs.

D is for drinking with a group of England players, and Andrew Flintoff to the fore, exercising their right arms with so much vigour that the all-rounder was dropped for one match while others were fined. South Africe were also at the centre of 'late-night booze shame' tabloid frenzy but, unlike England, they made progress in the tournament.

E is for empty stadiums which became a constant, depressing sight throughout the tournament as locals stayed away in protest at the price of tickets. It got worse when India and Pakistan failed to reach the second round.

F is for four wickets in four balls. The unique feat was achieved by Sri Lanka seamer Lasith Malinga in Guyana although his efforts were not enough to prevent South Africa from securing a one-wicket win. F is also for Ferret, as in the bizarre dance performed by Ireland seamer Dave Langford-Smith every time he took a wicket.

G is for Gibbs. South Africa batsman Herschelle Gibbs made history by becoming the first man to hit sixes in an over in a one-day international, achieving the landmark against hapless Netherlands in St Kitts. G is also for Adam Gilchrist who hit a record 149 in the final to see his team to victory.

H is for Hayden with the Australian opener hitting the fastest ever World Cup 100 in just 66 balls and going on to dominate the scoring charts. H is also for humour as illustrated by Dutch skipper Luke van Troost after seeing his slow bowler Daan van Bunge pulverised by Gibbs' record-setting hitting. "I told him to bowl a slower one," said the captain to his teammate. "'I just did'," was the bemused reply.

I is for Inzamam-ul-Haq. The proud Pakistan skipper saw his team humiliated by Ireland and devastated by the death of coach Bob Woolmer. Inzamam won the hearts of the Kingston crowd and millions watching around the world when he made a tearful exit at Sabina Park after announcing his one-day international retirement.

J is for Johnston. Ireland's Trent Johnston danced as close to an Irish jig as his ageing Aussie bones could manage every time he claimed a wicket. His teammates likened it to a chicken. J is also for Ed Joyce who helped Ireland qualify for the World Cup before switching allegiance to England. His reward? He was promptly dropped when the runs dried up.

K is for kids. In a trademark sign that a tournament is failing to woo the locals, World Cup organisers were reduced to busing in thousands of bemused school pupils to fill acres of empty seats. In Barbados, 4,000 of them added their shrill voices to the proceedings. K is also for South African all-rounder Kallis who, despite his critics, plays the game his way.

L is for Lara. The West Indies batting great, whose career was peppered with a host of records and runs, wept as he bowed out of international cricket unable to stem the decline of a once-feared team. L is also for Dwayne Leverock, the 255-pound (116kg) Bermuda spinner whose ungainliness perfectly illustrated the team's problems on their debut appearance.

M is for Mir. Pervez Mir was the Pakistan team spokesman who was a constant feature on TV screens and in newspapers mounting a dignified response to the Woolmer tragedy. M is also for Malinga, the bleach-blond Sri Lanka seamer with the slingshot action which befuddled South Africa. M is also for McGrath, the veteran Aussie bowler who claimed the all-time World Cup wickets record.

N is for no-hopers. Hang your heads in shame Bermuda, Scotland and Canada who played nine games and failed to muster a point between them.

O is for over-rated. Step forward India, the financial powerhouse of the international game who lost to Bangladesh and beat a hasty retreat home. O is also for over-priced as in tickets, 90 dollars in St Kitts for example where the average weekly wage is 100 dollars, and hotels who thought it fun to triple their rates.

P is for the Pegasus Jamaica which briefly became one of the most famous hotels in the world. It was where the Pakistan team stayed and where Bob Woolmer was murdered on March 18. On a lighter note, P is also for pedalo, Flintoff's transport of choice on his infamous night out.

Q is for quit and plenty of people were doing it at the Caribbean - Lara, Inzamam, Greg Chappell, Dav Whatmore, Duncan Fletcher and Clive Lloyd amongst others.

R is for resting. Sri Lanka caused controversy when they gave Chaminda Vaas and Muttiah Muralitharan a breather for the Super Eights match against Australia. The Aussies said it was something they would never do while Lanka wicketkeeper Kumar Sangakkara accused critics of double standards.

S is for Shields. Jamaica police's deputy commissioner Mark Shields was the urbane and articulate detective leading the hunt for Woolmer's killers.

T is for teenagers. Bangladesh's young side, which defeated mighty India and South Africa, was packed with fearless talent and made such an impression that they are already being considered as a potential threat when the 2011 World Cup takes place on the sub-continent.

U is for unsung heroes. The pre-tournament hype and publicity revolved around the marquee names but it was the likes of Andrew Hall, Scott Styris and Brad Hogg who were manning the barricades.

V is for Lou Vincent. The New Zealand opener made two noughts and then a century. But just when he thought his World Cup was up and running, he was ruled out with a broken wrist inflicted upon him by teammate Shane Bond in the nets.

W is for Woolmer. Former England Test batsman Bob Woolmer was a well-liked and hugely-respected coach admired for his even-handed relationship with players and for his innovative methods. Deeply depressed by Pakistan's shock loss to Ireland on March 17, he died the following day. His death is being treated as murder and the hunt for the killers is ongoing.

X is for X-factor and X-rated. Bangladesh had both, the former with their stunning wins over India and South Africa, the latter for their tame, lame defeat to Ireland.

Y is for youth. Just 20 years old but fresh-freshed enough to suggest mid-teens, Stuart Broad held his nerve in his first World Cup match to hit the runs which give England a one-wicket win over West Indies. It also sent Brian Lara into retirement on a losing note.

Z is for Zimbabwe. A team in turmoil, they mamanged a tie with Ireland and very little else. Disenchanted on their return home, two of their most promising players, Vusi Sibanda and Anthony Ireland, left to take up lucrative club contracts in Australia and England respectively.

(Photo: bbc.co.uk)

Only if it could silence the guns…

(Can they apply balm to the war wounds with a win tomorrow?)

Hours before the final showdown, Ricky Ponting has expectedly initiated the psychological warfare.

“If Barbados has the pace and bounce it had for the last couple of games, it should play into our hands beautifully,” Punter thundered, hinting he would unleash his pace battery on a lively Barbados track to bounce out the Lankans.

Glenn McGrath too joined the skirmish before the war. The Pigeon has scalped Sanath Jayasuriya seven times in his career and he wants him one last time tomorrow.

"In Australia I have always been reasonably successful against him, and I think the bounce has nicked him out quite a few times," Pigeon squeaked. Again, this was expected. McGrath has always been fond of such pre-match banter.

What was not really expected was Sanath Jayasuriya, that Matara Marauder, matching Punter and Pigeon decibel for decibel.

“'It doesn't matter what they bowl to me. I have been around long enough in international cricket to face any sort of bowling-if they bounce me, I can pull and hook as well… It's not as if we haven't played on bouncier pitches," Jayasuriya replied.

But all these rhetoric and saber-rattling seem irrelevant, even vulgar, when Muttiah Muralitharan takes a broad view and says he wants to win the cup to help his strife-torn countrymen forget, even if for a few hours, their troubled times.

"It would be a bigger achievement than all my personal records…It will act as an inspiration for youngsters and we being a team of different nationalities, it could also help tide over the problems our nation faces.

"We are going through a bad situation in our country but this could achieve something different," said Murali, a minority Tamil player. In fact the current squad has a Sinhala Buddhist in Jayasuriya, a Sinhala catholic in Chaminda Vaas, a Muslim in Farveez Maharoof and also a Tamil Catholic in Russel Arnold. Cricket has shown in Sri Lanka what it is capable of and that’s the best part of the game.

For a change, the LTTE Tigers have remote control in their hands not to explode a mine, but just to switch on innocuous TV sets in their hideouts; for once, they would acknowledge Jayasuriya, and not a certain Velupillai Prabhakaran, is the real Master Blaster.

Now if one more World Cup triumph could have silenced all the guns in this teardrop island in the Indian Ocean, I guess even a title-hungry Ponting would not mind losing for once. May the deserving team win tomorrow’s World Cup final.