Friday 21 July 2017

A page from Rajinikanth's diary

0615: Woke up the Sun, full three nanoseconds late. Threatened to fire it and replace it with a giant LED. It offered Rajininamaskar though.

0620: Fed eucalyptus leaves to Corny and let it roam in my garden before sending it back to the basement park. Imagine the mayhem if someone sees my pet unicorn.

0645: Went for a walk, the air is so toxic. Breathed in filter mode, knitting my nasal hairs into a thin screen which allows only oxygen in. Sneezed out lumps of crystalised argon. How do ordinary people even breathe?

0715: Had good sparring with Yetim. Five years ago, I absentmindedly climbed Mt Everest and found the orphan Yeti there. Only Anil Kapoor has more hair per inch.

1000: Missed the 9 a.m. pill, so had to time-travel. Memory playing tricks. The other day could not recall the entry on page 456 of Encyclopaedia Britannica Volume 33.

1300: Completed morning shooting. Director was yet to script the climax. I told him to shoot my cigarette stunt and take it backwards from there.

1400: Took a nap. A beautiful dream saw me.

1500: Swallowed some sun-rays. I absolutely mean it when I say light snacks.

1600: Called a press conference and made emphatically ambiguous comments about joining politics. Great fun, watching media, especially those in Delhi, run like a headless chicken.

1700: Signed film against Aaradhya Bachchan. Also tweeted my resolve to fight nepotism in showbiz.

1800: A cat startled me. Activated ultrasonic hearing. Earth positively creaked. Need to check the axis tomorrow.

1900: Spielberg called to offer a Hollywood film. I offered him a Tamil film instead. He’ll get back.

2000: Latha’s birthday, so ordered a personal full moon. Also spared her the kitchen chores. Vegetables cooked themselves.

2100: Had a bout of hiccups. Sheep worldwide counting me to get some sleep. Poor animals. Good night.