Showing posts with label Chappell. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chappell. Show all posts

Saturday, 7 February 2015

7 thoughts on Dhoni's fatherhood

1. Suresh Raina will feel insecure;

2. Dhoni is likely to uproot the entire nursing home where the kid was born and take it home as souveneir;

3. Kapil Dev's likely reaction: "Dad keh nahi sakte par, kahi na kahi, pitah toh zaroor ban gaye”.

4. India Cements will create a new vice-president's post to accommodate her;

5. N. Srinivasan is likely to downplay it, describing Dhoni instead as a "merely fatherhood enthusiast.”

6. Ian Chappell will demand Dhoni's retirement from all formats, citing the need to spend more time at home with the kid.

7. Dhoni is likely to sport a new celebratory haircut.

Saturday, 1 January 2011

Doosra Annual Awards 2010

Time for red carpet, stealth light, stretch limos, bowties, pinstripes and satin gowns.

Ladies, gentlemen and otherwise, here goes the Doosra Annual Awards 2010:

1. Alternative Food Promotion Society's Man of the Year: Shahid Afridi, for his pioneering ball-biting act;

2.Annual Boom-to-Boomerang Medal:Lalit Modi (He can't enter India, hence sent legal counsel to receive the award).

3. Ravana Reincarnation Medal: Shane Warne, for his wife-stealing act that prompted Arun Nayar to update his Facebook status back to singles;

4. Sholay Lovers' Association's Real Viru Award: MS Dhoni, for his inability to win toss; Dhoni also gets Ranchi Milk Supplier Association's special discount coupons and Hush-Hush Society's Man of the Year, for keeping teammates in dark about his marrige;

5. The Annual Shit-Midas Trophy: Greg Chappell wins third straight time to retain the rolling trophy. He ruined Australia this time;

6. The Fake Rajnikant Trophy: Daniel Vettori, who was captain-coach-selector of the NZ team that got whitewashed by Bangladesh.

7. Sri Lanka chapter of We Mean Mean Society's Mean of the Year: Suraj Randiv, for that century-denying no-ball to Sehwag.

8. George Bush Medal for Extraordinary Hurled-Shoe Ducker (largest nominations): Jointly to Tony Blair, John Howard, Asif Ali Zardari, Omar Abdullah and Neveen Jindal.

9. Promote Facial Growth Society's Man of the Year: Hashim Amla.

10. Houdini Act of the Year: Zulqarnaine Haider, for vanishing in Dubai and resurfacing in London.

P. S. Doosra Annual Awards 2009, 2008.

Wednesday, 31 December 2008

Doosra Annual Award 2008


Light…camera…action.

Time for red carpet, stealth light, stretch limos, bowties, pinstripes and black satin gowns. As another year goes by, welcome to the second Doosra Annual Award Gala Night. A tradition started last year, Doosra doles out the annual gongs and the winners are:

Col Gaddafi Club Membership: MS Dhoni, the only other living person with a retinue of female bodyguards.

Australian National Sportfishing Association (ANSA) Man of the Year: Andrew ‘gone-fishing’ Symonds (he’ll collect the award after returning from the fishing trip).

Yo-Yo award: Mohd Yousuf, for completing the ICL-IPL-ICL cycle.

Alcoholic Anonymous Citation: Paul Harris for his legendary candour after South Africa won the Melbourne Test. ("I don't think there's enough beer in all of Australia to satisfy us tonight.”)

Overthrow of the Year: Muntazer al-Zaidi. Having two simultaneous attempts at George W Bush and missing both speaks volume of his waywardness.

Best Ducking of the Year: George W Bush. Ducking two beamers at the same time is a feat beyond lesser mortals and this guy evaded two size 10 shoes hurled at him from less than 22 yards with no umpire to call it NO! Cricket’s loss has been politics’ loss as well.

Anti-Gambling Movement Appreciation Medal: Ishant Sharma for his taming of the ‘Punter’.

Lifetime Shit-Midas Trophy: Greg Chappell. Everything he touched became shit. Look at Australia.

Annual Humble Pie Award: Kevin Pietersen, for his pie-chucker comments.

Lapidary Association Medallion: Sachin Tendulkar, for advocating the evolutionary stone-to-milestone theory.

The VIBGYOR Trophy: Adam Gilchrist, for badmouthing Tendulkar in ‘True Colours of My Life’ and then changing colour and crying hosanna of the Little Master.

Poppy Growers’ Appreciation Medal: Mohd Asif.

Gandhi Truth Award: Gautam Gambhir for his blatant truth that elbowing Shane Watson "wasn’t deliberate".

Sunday, 5 October 2008

OZ vs BP XI...Day Four

1040: Yuvraj just completed his 100. I'm itching to pat him on the back and kick further six inches down as well. He's outrageously, almost obscenely talented and blasphemously endowed. The space was crammed with so much of flair that discipline had to be left out, I guess. Here he's posing security threats to low-flying aircrafts, launching Krejza and Clarke on orbits. Twice the ball got out of shape!

1208: I had Biryani at lunch, Yuvraj had Krejza. Poor chap Krejza, must be feeling exactly like what he felt when his drink was spiked two years back. Cricket Australia told team management to take good care of him, now I know why. After the trauma in the middle, he may need a trauma centre. I guess he would be of as much help to Oz as Mamata Banerjee has been to West Bengal.

1217: At mid on, Mitchell Johnson is twiddling thumb. No, actually he is tapping it. Suddenly it hit me, he looks like Jim Carrey's estranged brother, isn't it?

1227: Vigorous sweeping at both ends though there are no batters or bowlers in the middle. Actually it's innings break and two HCA ladies, in bright sea blue saree and brandishing brooms, are in action.

1231: Rolling is on as well. Alas, dieting had the desired effect on Adnan Sami. Else, he could be of any use to humanity.

1259: Hussey kept wicket after Haddin injured his finger. Last Ozzie to have a finger problem in India is sitting in the dressing room. This Durga Puja, artisans in Kolkata's Kumartuli need not model 'asuras' on Greg Chappell.

1314. Parthiv Patel has a chat with Hayden. Asking if Gujarati thali would tickle Aussie tastebuds and opening a restaurant at Kingaroy is a good idea. Whatever, it was a brief neck-aching experience for both I guess, considering their respective stature. Parthiv is down to earth but does that mean Hayden should look down upon him? Not done Haydos.

1434: Curse of the finger draws blood on the floor. Now Pragyan Ojha is bleeding. In his case, it's index finger. Wish Jeff Thomson was here. Man, he wanted to see blood on the pitch.

1439: For the umpteenth time, Virat Kohli into this hair-raising exercise. He looks a cocky cock, rufling tuft every now and then. Has a certain swagger but then he has hit a ton too.

Thursday, 12 June 2008

Jest gone wrong?

You are often compelled to nod your head in affirmation when Frank Tyger says there is no evidence that the tongue is connected to the brain.

Enter Geoff Lawson after his tongue-in-cheek turned foot and mouth, I mean foot in mouth.

Lawson prophesied Pakistan would spank India in the tri-series by 150 runs. Not really amused, Dhoni & Co fell 10-run short as they mauled Malik’s team. Since then, Lawson has been going to town, explaining it was a comment made in jest.

Flash back, Champions League semifinals. Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez took the most inopportune of time to share his opinion that Didier Drogba is a professional ‘diver’. Not surprisingly, the talismanic Ivory Cost hit-man replied with a brace before breaking into wild celebration on Benitez’s chubby face.

And once upon a time, India had an Australian ringmaster – and it was not Steve Irwin -- as its coach, who made the world know his view that West Indies had forgotten how to win. The slighted hosts eventually walked away with the ODI series and captain Brian Lara in his Thank-You message said, Greg Chappell’s sly remark inspired them to the triumph.

Chappell ended with so much of eggs on his face that he never asked for omelets in his breakfast again.

And before another Australian braggart bites the dust for a similar folly, pause for a moment and think, do you really need to needle your opponents and give them a reason to regroup and even rise above their limitations, as was the case with Lara’s lads?

Coaches around the world would tell you in their vulnerable moments how difficult it is to motivate their wards play game after game and in places obvious and obscure. Why hurt opponents in a way that would only unite and inspire them? That’s rival coach’s job silly!

Thursday, 31 January 2008

Zaheer, RP, Yuvraj bag inaugural Cricinfo awards

Three Indians, two Sri Lankans and an Australian shared the spoils in the inaugural Cricinfo award that recognizes exploits in all three forms of the game – Test, ODI and Twenty20.

Kumar Sangakkara (Test), Adam Gilchrist (ODI) and Yuvraj Singh (Twenty20) won the batting awards, while bowling honours went to Zaheer Khan (Test), Lasith Malinga (ODI) and RP Singh (Twenty20).

The jury included Geoffrey Boycott, Ian Chappell, Daryll Cullinan, Tony Greig, Michael Holding, David Lloyd, Sanjay Manjrekar, Ramiz Raja and Ravi Shastri.

List of winners

Test batting - Kumar Sangakkara (SL): 192, Australia v Sri Lanka, 2nd Test, Hobart
Test bowling - Zaheer Khan (Ind): 5 for 75, England v India, 2nd Test, Trent Bridge
ODI batting - Adam Gilchrist (Aus): 149, Australia v Sri Lanka, World Cup final, Barbados
ODI bowling - Lasith Malinga (SL): 4 for 54, Sri Lanka v South Africa, World Cup, Guyana
Twenty20 batting - Yuvraj Singh (Ind): 70, India v Australia, World Twenty20 semi-final, Durban
Twenty20 bowling - RP Singh (Ind): 4 for 13, India v South Africa, World Twenty20, Durban

Image

Sunday, 23 December 2007

Doosra Annual Award

Considering the year that has gone by, or going by, Doosra decided to have its own annual award ceremony. And as usual, Doosra is open to suggestions.

The Hate-Pyjama-Uderwear-Etc. Society Man the Year: VVS Laxman

The Peter Pan Scroll: Sachin Tendulkar

The Albert Pinto Memorial Angry Youngman of the Year: S Sreesanth

The Albert Pinto Memorial Angry Not-So-Youngman of the Year: Dilip Vengsarkar:

The Jimmy Amarnath Comeback Kid Award: Sourav Ganguly

The Say-No-To-Haircut Society Man of the Year: MS Dhoni

The Annual Me-Too Award: Joginder Singh

The BLTN (Better Late Than Never) Medallion & special award from NMFF (Nice-Man-Finishes-First) Circle: Anil Kumble

I-Look-Clown-With-A-Crown Citation: Rahul Dravid

Got-Pyjama-Want-Flannel Shield: Yuvraj Singh

Hail-Brinkmanship Fellowship: Sharad Pawar

Discovery-of-the-Year: Gary Kirsten

English-Molestation Community’s Person of the Year & Funny-Bone-On-Legs medal: Niranjan Shah

Annual Gone-With-The-Wind Award & Sunk-Without-Trace Statuette: Greg Chappell

Mint-in-Suit Award: Lalit Modi

Pariah-of-the-Year: Jagmohan Dalmiya

Emperor-Struck Rolling Trophy: Kapil Dev

The David-Whose-Sling-Is-In Goliath’s-Hands Award: Subhash Chandra

God-of-Small-Things Rolling Trophy: Indian cricket team (shorter the format, better they do).

Saturday, 16 June 2007

Team India coach: Much ado about nothing


When Shane Warne said the only coach he needed was the vehicle that took the team from hotel to ground, he was not just taking a swipe at John Buchanan. It was actually an Ian Chappell chesnut and the brouhaha over Team India's new coach has again irked Chappelli.

Chappell warns India should not simply crush the new coach with the burden of expectations. A reneissance can come only via "proud and spirited players" led by a "strong coach", he asserts.

Sanjay Manjrekar, one of the rare sane voice in the mad melee, harps on the same issue. Coach has a very limited role to play and it's the players who would have to go out and actually play.

I think Greg Chappell's tenure proved the point beyond doubt. Chappell exceeded brief and encouraged by the coy captain in Rahul Dravid, he became larger than the coach. And it clearly backfired.

Chappell was calling the shots in each and every aspect and Dravid's diminishing stature, especially among the senior teammates, undermined his authority. Chappell did tried some new ideas but his growing stature came in the way of its fruition.

Chappell succeeded in convincing Irfan Pathan that he could bat. And every time Irfan scored, Chappell got unfair share of the kudos. By that time, the coach had outgrown the players, and it was never going to augur well for Team India.

Ian Chappell cries hoars to convince us that coach's can be instrumental behind a revival of fortune but they can't be the instrument. He cited the best example of John Buchanan.

Buchanan's exit did not make Australia a weaker side but if Ricky Ponting is not able to skipper the side, it would well create a problem, he said.

BCCI roped in Chandu Borde to prolong the stop-gap arrangement first made for the Bangladesh tour. Hoping the septuagenarian to free Team India of all its ills would be unfair and brickbats or bouquets -- depending on how the side fare in England -- should be addressed to Dravid and Co. only.

Image: PTI

Monday, 11 June 2007

Why Graham Ford should do a better job than Chappell

So the drama is over and Graham Ford has just landed the most exciting and demanding job one can think of in the sports world. Though not exactly chest-thumping, but still, this was exactly what had been predicted in the previous post in this blog.

Hoping Kent would relieve Ford of his duties, I have this gut feeling that though it’s never possible to satiate the Men in Blue’s Blue Billion fans, Ford would prove a better coach than the person he succeeded, Greg Chappell.

A self-effacing, low-key coach, who loves to work in the backstage, Ford resembles a John Wright walking out of a barber’s shop after a haircut. The deep, intense eyes and furrowed forehead again reminds you of Wright.

Chappell was a disaster of a coach and had no experience of coaching any national team before he took over the Team India reins. But the case is not so with Ford. As Natal coach, Ford, along with senior pros like Malcolm Marshall and Clive Rice, guided an exciting talent pool that included Shaun Pollock, Jonty Rhodes and Lance Klusener.

He joined Bob Woolmer as his deputy in 1999 and eventually succeeded the deceased Englishman. Before the Hansiegate scandal hit South Africa cricket like a catastrophe, South Africa, under Ford, won eight of the 11 series.

Ford raises hopes because unlike Chappell, a typical Australian larrikin, he is not a loud mouth. He is not the one who would thunder “My way, or the highway.” It is easy to criticize Wright for being ‘soft’. But the fact remains that it was because of the affable Kiwi’s sacrifice that Team India at least had some results to show.

Wright tried asserting himself but soon realized it was not going to work. Sourav Ganguly’s imposing clout with Jagmohan Dalmiya’s backing and a flawed zonal representation in selection committee did not amuse him but once he realized he could not overhaul the system and has to work in it, Wright adopted quickly.

Knowing a system inside out is a pre-requisite if you want to re-create it. And you have to have that authority. But Chappell was in tremendous hurry and he thought he was not the Team India coach but the Board CEO. He completely exceeded the brief. With a few senior officials -- who were probably enamoured by Chappell the batsman, rather than Chappell the coach -- pampering his tantrums, Chappell had something to say about each and everything that has anything to do with Indian cricket. He even felt that MPs are paid to say whatever they want.

Despite his vast knowledge of the game, and I don’t doubt that, Chappell had a skin deep idea about the culture of India. Unlike Wright, Chappell never looked someone who is passionate about India and the cricket team. If passion marked Team India’s Wright’s era, it was indifference under Chappell.

Ford should be a welcome successor to Chappell, the media manipulator. Chappell’s Goebbels-ian use of the media tool, abetted by some senior, cynic journalists -- including one who heads a disputed cricket association – ensured that alongside the Chappell-Ganguly broadshow, there was sideshows like Chappell-Sehwag, Chappell-Harbhajan, Chappell-Yuvraj, Chappell-Tendulkar, Chappell-Zaheer.

Make no mistake, Ford will find it a crown of thorns. To their credit, the highly inflammable Blue Billion doesn’t discriminate. Ford would be hailed with every success and hanged with every defeat.

Image: BBC

Thursday, 7 June 2007

Chappell lands part-time job at Australian academy


As board officials across the cricketing globe indulge in frantic coach shopping, does anyone remember that troubled soul called Greg Chappell? Well, the Australian, after his rollercoaster Team India stint, has been roped as one of the consultant coaches at Cricket Australia’s Centre of Excellence in Brisbane.

Apart from Chappell, John Wright and Australia’s original beanpole pacer Bruce Reid have agreed to work part-time in the academy.

Interestingly, like Wright and Chappell, Reid too worked with Team India as its bowling coach when the side toured Australia in 2003.

Cricket Australia actually wanted Wright to head the academy -- a post vacated after Tim Nielsen replaced John Buchanan in the Australian think-tank – but the affable Kiwi was not ready to relocate. Describing himself as “between jobs”, Wright said he wanted to spend more time with his kids even though he did not rule out a role with New Zealand Cricket.

Image: BBC

Tuesday, 5 June 2007

No Guru Dav, BCCI opens up two-horse race


Trust BCCI to pull off surprise, stunning enough to stun the dead. So far, Team India coach’s job looked a one-horse race, or so said a miffed Madan Lal. But see, Dav Whatmore – resembled more a mustachioed polar beer than a strapping horse – has been pushed outside the lane.

BCCI announced it’s now a two-horse race and one of the stallions is a phantom! Board Treasurer N Srinivasan – apt that the person who would dole out the money addressed reporters – said apart from South African Graham Ford, another “"foreigner whose availability could not be ascertained" are in the fray.

As for Dav Whatmore, who was clearly counting his chickens before they were hatched, Srinivasan said "You can say by implication that yes, he has been ruled out".

Guru Dav seemed almost certain to step into Guru Greg’s shoes and Whatmore did not leave any stone unturned in his thorough PR. He met Rahul Dravid, Ravi Shastri, Niranjan Shah and reportedly sought appointment with the BCCI janitor at Wankhede Stadium to present his case. Poor Whatmore even refused an extension of his contract with the Bangla Tigers and also turned down offer from Pakistan hope for the India job.

BCCI dangled the carrots – Shah insisted the Australian was the front-runner – and Whatmore could no resist the temptation. It’s an awkward situation for the burly coach, who was last spotted scanning JOB OPPORTUNITY pages and applying to a coaching job in Timbuktu.

Photo: AFP

Wednesday, 9 May 2007

Team India gets stung by sting

(The Great Indian Muddle...AP Photo)


As if we did not know it, Aaj Tak, along with its English-speaking sister Headlines Today, carried a sting operation where the selector quartet of Ranjib Biswal, Bhupinder Singh Sr, Venkatapathy Raju and Sanjay Jagdale ‘reveal’ a dressing room riddled with infighting and ego clash. And how ominous Greg Chappell was. The highlights are:

Bhupinder Singh Sr: "Greg wanted to show everybody he is the boss. He was not happy with anybody. There were instances when Chappell was not talking to senior players for 4-5 days. He was not on talking terms with Sachin Tendulkar, Virender Sehwag and Harbhajan Singh. It happened in South Africa.”

The North Zone selector says Chappell had a "divide and rule policy" and was the additional ego in a team full of egos.

He also said that Rahul Dravid had problems with Sachin Tendulkar and Sourav Ganguly. They were not supporting Dravid, says Bhupinder; some players were backing Tendulkar, some Ganguly. "They are sensing that if he fails then we have a chance to become captain."

Ranjib Biswal: "Greg could not understand Indian cricketers' psyche. He was more like a schoolmaster than a friend."

Sanjay Jagdale: "I won't call it factionalism but there were some personal problems.”

Jagdale also reveals that S Sreesanth and Zaheer Khan had fought in the dressing room.

Niranjan Shah: "Endorsement money is so huge, there is a chance of a grey area. They will get money if they are in the team, otherwise they won't. That's why. it [pressure from sponsors to retain them] may be there. That's why the board has said only three endorsements per player."

Sunday, 29 April 2007

The A-Z of the 2007 World Cup


Now that the World Cup is finally over, here is an AFP copy that tries to encapsulate the entire event in the alphabetical order:

A is for Australians, everywhere. As well as the champion team, there were Australian players in the Ireland and Scotland squads while India, Sri Lanka, Bangladesh and West Indies all started with Australian coaches.

B is for biceps, particularly those of Australia all-rounder Andrew Symonds whose participation in the tournament had been put in doubt because of arm surgery.

C is for crying and the tears of Bermuda's 17-year-old seamer Malachi Jones who wept and wept and wept after taking the wicket of India opener Robin Uthappa with his fourth ball. However, he would have blubbed even more when he finished with 1-74 off seven overs.

D is for drinking with a group of England players, and Andrew Flintoff to the fore, exercising their right arms with so much vigour that the all-rounder was dropped for one match while others were fined. South Africe were also at the centre of 'late-night booze shame' tabloid frenzy but, unlike England, they made progress in the tournament.

E is for empty stadiums which became a constant, depressing sight throughout the tournament as locals stayed away in protest at the price of tickets. It got worse when India and Pakistan failed to reach the second round.

F is for four wickets in four balls. The unique feat was achieved by Sri Lanka seamer Lasith Malinga in Guyana although his efforts were not enough to prevent South Africa from securing a one-wicket win. F is also for Ferret, as in the bizarre dance performed by Ireland seamer Dave Langford-Smith every time he took a wicket.

G is for Gibbs. South Africa batsman Herschelle Gibbs made history by becoming the first man to hit sixes in an over in a one-day international, achieving the landmark against hapless Netherlands in St Kitts. G is also for Adam Gilchrist who hit a record 149 in the final to see his team to victory.

H is for Hayden with the Australian opener hitting the fastest ever World Cup 100 in just 66 balls and going on to dominate the scoring charts. H is also for humour as illustrated by Dutch skipper Luke van Troost after seeing his slow bowler Daan van Bunge pulverised by Gibbs' record-setting hitting. "I told him to bowl a slower one," said the captain to his teammate. "'I just did'," was the bemused reply.

I is for Inzamam-ul-Haq. The proud Pakistan skipper saw his team humiliated by Ireland and devastated by the death of coach Bob Woolmer. Inzamam won the hearts of the Kingston crowd and millions watching around the world when he made a tearful exit at Sabina Park after announcing his one-day international retirement.

J is for Johnston. Ireland's Trent Johnston danced as close to an Irish jig as his ageing Aussie bones could manage every time he claimed a wicket. His teammates likened it to a chicken. J is also for Ed Joyce who helped Ireland qualify for the World Cup before switching allegiance to England. His reward? He was promptly dropped when the runs dried up.

K is for kids. In a trademark sign that a tournament is failing to woo the locals, World Cup organisers were reduced to busing in thousands of bemused school pupils to fill acres of empty seats. In Barbados, 4,000 of them added their shrill voices to the proceedings. K is also for South African all-rounder Kallis who, despite his critics, plays the game his way.

L is for Lara. The West Indies batting great, whose career was peppered with a host of records and runs, wept as he bowed out of international cricket unable to stem the decline of a once-feared team. L is also for Dwayne Leverock, the 255-pound (116kg) Bermuda spinner whose ungainliness perfectly illustrated the team's problems on their debut appearance.

M is for Mir. Pervez Mir was the Pakistan team spokesman who was a constant feature on TV screens and in newspapers mounting a dignified response to the Woolmer tragedy. M is also for Malinga, the bleach-blond Sri Lanka seamer with the slingshot action which befuddled South Africa. M is also for McGrath, the veteran Aussie bowler who claimed the all-time World Cup wickets record.

N is for no-hopers. Hang your heads in shame Bermuda, Scotland and Canada who played nine games and failed to muster a point between them.

O is for over-rated. Step forward India, the financial powerhouse of the international game who lost to Bangladesh and beat a hasty retreat home. O is also for over-priced as in tickets, 90 dollars in St Kitts for example where the average weekly wage is 100 dollars, and hotels who thought it fun to triple their rates.

P is for the Pegasus Jamaica which briefly became one of the most famous hotels in the world. It was where the Pakistan team stayed and where Bob Woolmer was murdered on March 18. On a lighter note, P is also for pedalo, Flintoff's transport of choice on his infamous night out.

Q is for quit and plenty of people were doing it at the Caribbean - Lara, Inzamam, Greg Chappell, Dav Whatmore, Duncan Fletcher and Clive Lloyd amongst others.

R is for resting. Sri Lanka caused controversy when they gave Chaminda Vaas and Muttiah Muralitharan a breather for the Super Eights match against Australia. The Aussies said it was something they would never do while Lanka wicketkeeper Kumar Sangakkara accused critics of double standards.

S is for Shields. Jamaica police's deputy commissioner Mark Shields was the urbane and articulate detective leading the hunt for Woolmer's killers.

T is for teenagers. Bangladesh's young side, which defeated mighty India and South Africa, was packed with fearless talent and made such an impression that they are already being considered as a potential threat when the 2011 World Cup takes place on the sub-continent.

U is for unsung heroes. The pre-tournament hype and publicity revolved around the marquee names but it was the likes of Andrew Hall, Scott Styris and Brad Hogg who were manning the barricades.

V is for Lou Vincent. The New Zealand opener made two noughts and then a century. But just when he thought his World Cup was up and running, he was ruled out with a broken wrist inflicted upon him by teammate Shane Bond in the nets.

W is for Woolmer. Former England Test batsman Bob Woolmer was a well-liked and hugely-respected coach admired for his even-handed relationship with players and for his innovative methods. Deeply depressed by Pakistan's shock loss to Ireland on March 17, he died the following day. His death is being treated as murder and the hunt for the killers is ongoing.

X is for X-factor and X-rated. Bangladesh had both, the former with their stunning wins over India and South Africa, the latter for their tame, lame defeat to Ireland.

Y is for youth. Just 20 years old but fresh-freshed enough to suggest mid-teens, Stuart Broad held his nerve in his first World Cup match to hit the runs which give England a one-wicket win over West Indies. It also sent Brian Lara into retirement on a losing note.

Z is for Zimbabwe. A team in turmoil, they mamanged a tie with Ireland and very little else. Disenchanted on their return home, two of their most promising players, Vusi Sibanda and Anthony Ireland, left to take up lucrative club contracts in Australia and England respectively.

(Photo: bbc.co.uk)

Friday, 13 April 2007

Mandira says SORRY after tattoo raises a storm


These days, controversy plagues anyone and everyone who has anything to do with Indian cricket. Mandira Bedi, that czarina of all the fanfare and foofaraw associated with the game, is only the latest in the list.

Sachin Tendulkar’s reported comments against Greg Chappell landed him in trouble inviting a BCCI show cause notice. Ditto with Yuvraj Singh, who is busy these days writing his explanation which is to be submitted to the board soon. Before it could die down, Tendulkar found himself at the centre of another storm with pictures showing him cutting a cake resembling a national flag.

Mahendra Singh Dhoni’s poor World Cup form saw a mob attacking his under-construction house in Ranchi and then his proposed swimming pool irked his neighbours who lodged a complaint, alleging it would bring down the water level.

For Mandira, it was not tirade against Chappell, or poor form or any swimming pool. The anchor apparently incurred the wrath of the Shiromani Gurdwara Parbandhak Committee (SGPC) unconditional public apology from her for displaying the tattoo of Ek Omkar (the Sikh religious symbol) on her back.

Mandira, however, was quick to put a lid on the controversy and said “I have this tattoo because I'm proud to be a Sikh. If this has hurt the religious sentiments of anyone, I'm deeply sorry.” She just hopes that would placate the SGPC.
Incidentally, it's not just her back. Mandira has a Tibetan Om tattoo on her lower waist. "...so my belly button acts as the chandra bindu (dot) above it,” a proud Mandira said. The Tibetans , however, are yet to file a complaint.

Thursday, 12 April 2007

A Captain Is As Good As The Coach He Gets… or… Coaches Win Matches


Now that BCCI is headhunting for a full-time coach, I ponder who fits the bill and wonder how much it hinges on the captain-coach relation.

I often felt that like openers, the captain-coach duo too needs to be perfect foil for each other, at least in Indian scenario. They should be as different as chalk and cheese, acid and alkali, yin and yang. I believe it’s like an average Indian couple. One of them has to make some sacrifice, concede an extra inch, and take the backseat to allow the other to cap the initiative. It may smack of male chauvinism but the reality if you have equal number of hen-pecked hubbies as against docile wives!

I feel the Sourav Ganguly-John Wright marriage yielded the results just because of that. Ganguly’s relation with the former Kiwi captain may have dwindled towards the end but the southpaw should acknowledge that he owes much of his success, and a good drink, to the affable Kiwi.

The Ganguly-Wright pair was just the perfect combination. An assertive, aggressive, hi-adrenalin skipper in perfect contrast to a reticent, introvert coach. Indian cricket owes a lot to Wright. A divorcee, away from his two sons, Wright spent many a lonely new year’s eve in company of candles and his favourite guitar in his hotel room in the adopted homeland.

You can always accuse him of being soft, vulnerable to Ganguly’s tantrums and whims but to his credit, Wright never used media to wash the dirty linen in public. Media is a dangerous weapon, a double-edged blade that hardly serves any purpose other than mudding the water. See how Wright’s successor manipulated media to serve his purpose and left the team in complete shamble.

Wright did raise issues with the men who mattered but Ganguly, with a Godfather in Jagmohan Dalmiya, could not be reined in, the zonal selection system stayed on (till Sharad Pawar’s regime just scrapped it) and other things also ceased to change. Despite all provocations, Wright never disgraced Indian cricket.

Once he quit – on his own, no mean feat in Indian cricket – I always doubted how long the Ganguly-Chappell honeymoon would last. Both are the same side of the coins, headstrong, abrasive, combative, pugnacious.

It was obvious that two men of such strong ego can’t share the dressing room and one had to go. Soon sparks started flying out all over and Chappell won the first round. Enter Rahul Dravid and to be honest, I expected this marriage to last longer and deliver the goods as well.

Dravid is a perfect team man, a reliable cricketer and a captain’s delight. But he is not the one who would assert himself . And I’m not the only one to feel so about a player who has played the second fiddle throughout his life – his epic knocks would always got overshadowed by VVS Laxman’s class, Ganguly’s pyrotechnics or Sachin Tendulkar’s stroke-making.

Dravid needed a coach like Chappell and the combination looked a balanced one. Somehow, despite their mutual admiration, the Dravid-Chappell pair did not produce the results. You can’t really blame Dravid. I believe a captain is as good as his coach. And at times, coaches win matches.

Wednesday, 11 April 2007

The Shit Midas!

Historic Test win in West Indies, record number of successful chases in ODIs…still Greg Chappell is not my man with the Midas Touch.

To be honest, I didn’t like him and it’s not so much about cricket, as much as culture. A cultural clash to be precise. And in such clashes, no one is right or wrong. It’s just a matter of liking and disliking. From that point of view, I dislike Greg but that doesn’t mean I’m right and he’s wrong.

Now that he’s no more the Team India coach, I embark on an obit of his first international coaching career.

I think Greg is cursed. An exceptional batsman with a ton in both his debut and swansong Tests, centuries in each innings of his debut as captain and an average of 53.86. The tragedy, however, is that the lone lingering memory of his playing days was when he came forward to advice his younger brother Trevor to bowl under-arm in the third final of the 1981 World Series Cup.

I was watching the tapes again. New Zealand needed six off the last ball to tie, and not win, the match and Greg appeared to order his brother Trevor not just to tell him bowl an under-arm delivery, but also demonstrated it how to do. Rod Marsh was shamed to death behind the stumps and screamed “No! No!”. What followed was one of the darkest chapters in the game’s history.

Even when Greg took over as Team India coach, he brought the same jinx. It was jackpot for someone who had no prior experience of coaching any international side when Greg was selected as Team India coach and it’s well-documented that Sourav Ganguly’s backing made all the difference, even though key panelist Sunil Gavaskar voted against the Australian.

Soon after the honeymoon period was over, what followed was the Greg vs Ganguly saga, which I think is another cultural clash. Gratitude is considered a virtue in Indian society, while the Aussies perceive it as a hindrance to professionalism. A way could have been found to deal the issue but that needed both parties to concede some grounds. And Greg’s media manipulation – so many instances to cite – made things worse.

He would leak things to his selective friends in the media and resorted to all sort of practices unbecoming of a coach.

While the Greg vs Ganguly broadside – it was one-way traffic with Ganguly maintaining deafening silence against Greg’s verbal diarrhea -- dominated the headlines, side-by-side went Greg vs Harbhajan, Greg vs Zaheer, Greg vs Yuvraj, Greg vs Sehwag, Greg vs Tendulkar, almost an unending list.

Even his holiday at Alappuzha landed the houseboat owner in trouble. I mean it was no way Chappell’s fault but the fact remains, wherever he goes, whatever he does, it has always kicked up a row and everything seems in mess.

Sick of clichés, I was trying neologism and that’s the gem I stumbled on, Shit Midas. Whenever Greg laid his fingers on something, it turned shit. You have Team India before you.

Saturday, 7 April 2007

Chappell hospitalised in Mumbai


The emotional turmoil seemed to have taken its toll on an otherwise stoic Greg Chappell's health and the Australian has been rushed to Bombay Hospital on Saturday.

His wife, Judy, said Chappell was feeling uneasy since last night and was taken to the hospital due to an anxiety attack.

Chappell and his wife were scheduled to leave on Saturday night for Singapore after having postponed their departure by a day as the former Australian captain became indisposed.

A spokesperson of the hospital, however, said that Chappell had been brought to the hospital 'for a check-up and had not been admitted.

"He was brought to the hospital and has been receiving a checkup at the hospital. He has not been admitted and there is presently no cause for concern. He would leave the hospital after the checkup," he added.

Wednesday, 28 March 2007

Chappell's likely successors!

So India has already played the last match under Guru Greg, apparently so. If media reports are to be believed, Chappell can forget about an extension and rather pack his bag and board the first Qantas flight home.

So, who should take the hot seat now? I have some names in my mind, BCCI would do well to have a dekko at it. This is an open-end list, feel free to nominate yours.

1. Swami Ramdev: A popular, and hence not necessarily valid, view has been that endorsement has become a huge distraction and the cricketers simply have lost focus. And to right that wrong, you can’t have a better choice than Ramdev. He is no alien to cricket and he in fact had advised the players to practice Yoga before the World Cup. Dravid’s men must have ignored it and paying the price for ignoring his divine formula. At least one Team India member has been spotted visiting him once why don’t Dravid, Tendulkar, Ganguly and Yuvraj follow Dhoni? So, bye bye push-ups and welcome pranayam.

2. Lalu Prasad: So what if he messed up Bihar? See how he turned that Great Indian White Elephant, the Indian Railway, into a profit-making juggernaut. These days Mr Prasad is a sought after name even in the IIMs and Harvards. And he apparently believes he can player better than the Men in Blue. He heads Bihar cricket Association and his son, Tejaswi, has represented Delhi in Polly Umrigarh trophy. Enough link with the game, isn’t it? And haven’t you heard of railway coaches? If he can script a turnaround in Railway’s fate, what’s the heck is this cricket team?

3. Sonia Gandhi: Agreed Italy is more known for Pizza, Pasta, Leaning Tower, Don Corleon and a certain Marco Materazzi. Also agreed that so far, no Italian has ever been accused of being sighted in and around any cricket stadium. But just see how she’s running the Great Indian Coalition Show. She picked a compliant, acceptable captain to

lead a team which has its fair share of in-fighting but overall, it’s producing the results. She belongs to the Bennette King genre. King never played first class cricket and yet went on to coach West Indies in the World Cup. Madam fits the bill to the T.

4. Greg Chappell Again: Read it right. Journalists and fans across the country owe him a drink. Spat with Ganguly, middle-fingering Kolkata, showing how e-mail and SMS can be used to deadly effect and devaluing phrases like “means-over-outcome”, “experimentation” etc. Indian cricket won’t be the same once he departs.