7 players and why they didn't hit IPL jackpot

1. Brad Haddin: Teams agreed exposing the impressionable Indian juvenile populace to gloved crooks might adulterate their spiritual make-up and vitiate the values;

2. Philip Hughes: The idea of finding secret team strategies all over Twitter on the match-eve didn't appeal to anyone;

3 & 4. Monty Panesar & Mark Ramprakash: Shelved for a future Indian-origins' Premier League.

5. Shahid Afridi: His impersonation of Statue of Liberty after every dismissal was found neither original nor aesthetic;

6. Vernon Philander: The surname cooked his goose;

7. Sulieman Benn: With Mitchell Johnson and Haddin not in IPL, Benn would have been of limited utility.

Order of the Put Before Disorder

Australia is shrinking but environment activists need not disrobe or/and demonstrate. This is strictly about Australian representation at Indian Premier League II.

Epitome of larrikin patriotism Ricky Ponting put Country before IPL and summarily booked himself a Companion of the Order of Australia medallion. This was the precise the provocation behind putting together a list of seven other cricketers who put something before some other thing in recent past.

Sample what comes first for whom.

1. Mohd ‘Yo-Yo’ Yousuf: Put Christianity before Islam, Islam before Christianity, ICL before Pakistan, IPL before ICL, ICL before IPL, Pakistan before ICL…to be continued.

2. Brad ‘Machiavelli’ Haddin: Put gloves before stumps.

3. Michael ‘Love-struck’ Clarke: Pre-vice captaincy, put ailing father-in-law before team; post-vice captaincy, put team before marriage. Pup skipped IPL I to be with ailing Pop-in-Law and now cricket commitment puts his marriage with Lara Bingle on hold.

4. Allen ‘Fraud’ Stanford: Put himself before law. Now he comes first, followed by Vijay Singh, Michael Owen, Kevin Pietersen, ECB, WICB and FBI sleuthhounds.

5. Bryce ‘Sleepy’ McGain: Put a sound sleep before a cricket tour and missed the flight to South Africa. What else you expected from someone who knew Australia had sleepless nights ahead?

6. Andrew ‘Fredalo’ Flintoff: Uncannily, he too preferred a nap before a tour and almost missed England’s flight to the Windies. Doosra is told it was part of his preparation for the tour. The nocturnal booze cruise in the Caribbeans to be precise.

7. Mitchell ‘Cupid’ Johnson: Put girl friend before Queensland. ‘Midge’ dumped Queensland and moved to Western Australia to be with his lady love Jessica Bratich. Jessica being the national karate champion, it’s not known whether Midge did it under duress.

(P.S. Doosra takes a nine-day break, solely because it's my last chance to dissuade my parents from completely disowning their unworthy son. So friends, Roman and countrymen, make the most of my absence, enjoy every nano-second of it before I return and hit back with vengeance. See you all. Happy blogging)

Since my last post...

1. Brad Haddin has discovered the 11th way a batsman can get out;
2. Daniel Vettori's SMS to Haddin created frictions, sending sparks flying all over Australia. Doosra understands once the Victorian bushfire is under control, Vettori will be chargesheeted for arson.
3. It took a president, a shaman and a coiffeur to make Lasith Malinga's return from wilderness possible;
4. Rajasthan Royals ensured the support of Indian truckers, Richard Gere and subsequently HH Dalai Lama in this year's IPL by selling stakes to Shilpa Shetty;
5. Shah Rukh Khan's Kolkata Knight Riders helped Bangladesh double its Gross National Income by buying Mashrafe Mortaza.
6. West Indies unleashed an Australia-bred White West Indian, Brendan Nash, and a 6’7” high-extension tower in Suleiman Benn, whose deliveries, Poms claim, come like oracles from heaven;
7. Kevin Pietersen convulsed with laughter after he: i) topscored for Poms in the Sabina Park massacre; ii) derived sadistic pleasure as Strauss’ captaincy honeymoon got over before it started; and iii) found Vijay Mallya has emptied his pocket to engage his service.

Ind vs Oz...Day 4

1003: After Haddin and Hayden grassed and Ponting leaked, Australian are suddenly making atonements by throwing themselves around. Suddenly they realise it's the cricket board which takes care of their laundry bills!

1108: Drooping shoulder, increasing frustration. Ponting finally injects some life and brings in Mike Hussey to roll his arm over. Last time Hussey was seen bowling was when Hillary Clinton was running for the US Prez's post, Yuvraj Singh was dating Deepika Padukone and Ms Padukone was not dating Ranbir Kapoor.

1315: India leading by 510 runs and Dhoni still not declaring. Needs to give bowlers time to bowl out the Ozzies. I think he is overestimating his bowling unit and underestimating Ponting and party.

1324: In between his attemps to halve the ball into two, Dhoni the Woodcutter was experimenting with a different scoop shot. So far we have seen the scoop famously bungled by Misbah which takes the fine leg route. Here, Dhoni was trying to scoop whatever White hurled at him to the third man area! Indigenous indeed but success still Dhoni.

OZ vs BP XI...Day Four

1040: Yuvraj just completed his 100. I'm itching to pat him on the back and kick further six inches down as well. He's outrageously, almost obscenely talented and blasphemously endowed. The space was crammed with so much of flair that discipline had to be left out, I guess. Here he's posing security threats to low-flying aircrafts, launching Krejza and Clarke on orbits. Twice the ball got out of shape!

1208: I had Biryani at lunch, Yuvraj had Krejza. Poor chap Krejza, must be feeling exactly like what he felt when his drink was spiked two years back. Cricket Australia told team management to take good care of him, now I know why. After the trauma in the middle, he may need a trauma centre. I guess he would be of as much help to Oz as Mamata Banerjee has been to West Bengal.

1217: At mid on, Mitchell Johnson is twiddling thumb. No, actually he is tapping it. Suddenly it hit me, he looks like Jim Carrey's estranged brother, isn't it?

1227: Vigorous sweeping at both ends though there are no batters or bowlers in the middle. Actually it's innings break and two HCA ladies, in bright sea blue saree and brandishing brooms, are in action.

1231: Rolling is on as well. Alas, dieting had the desired effect on Adnan Sami. Else, he could be of any use to humanity.

1259: Hussey kept wicket after Haddin injured his finger. Last Ozzie to have a finger problem in India is sitting in the dressing room. This Durga Puja, artisans in Kolkata's Kumartuli need not model 'asuras' on Greg Chappell.

1314. Parthiv Patel has a chat with Hayden. Asking if Gujarati thali would tickle Aussie tastebuds and opening a restaurant at Kingaroy is a good idea. Whatever, it was a brief neck-aching experience for both I guess, considering their respective stature. Parthiv is down to earth but does that mean Hayden should look down upon him? Not done Haydos.

1434: Curse of the finger draws blood on the floor. Now Pragyan Ojha is bleeding. In his case, it's index finger. Wish Jeff Thomson was here. Man, he wanted to see blood on the pitch.

1439: For the umpteenth time, Virat Kohli into this hair-raising exercise. He looks a cocky cock, rufling tuft every now and then. Has a certain swagger but then he has hit a ton too.

IPL, the holy shrine

Rejoice, for cricket has finally chanced upon its version of the Church of the Nativity, Golden Temple, Al-Masjid al-Harām and Tirupati. I can see future, all roads leading to India as devotees from across the globe flocking for that annual pilgrimage that would culminate in the holiest of holy shrines, the Indian Premier League.

Before you brand me insane, consider how many-- and more importantly how -- fringe players got back to their national sides, courtesy IPL. If fulfilling wishes is what draws the devotees in droves, IPL to fringe players is what Bethlehem is to a true blue Christian.

Ask Brad Hodge, Shane Watson, Luke Ronchi and Manpreet Gony and the baptized souls would vouch that without IPL, they had as much chance of getting into national side as China has of conceding Tibet.

Consider Hodge's fortune. Hodgey came, saw and though could not conquer IPL, managed to find his way to the Australian Test squad in the Caribbeans in the most extraordinary of circumstances. He was recalled as cover for the cupid-struck Michael Clarke who refused to board the West Indies-bound flight and stood by the bedside of his fiancée’s ailing father.

The last time Hodgey was seen with a baggy green was when Australia had a different Prime Minister; Nicolas Sarkozy’s wife went by the name Cécilia Ciganer-Albéniz and not Carla Bruni; and Barack Obama was yet to discover his ambition to be the most hated person on earth.

Watson’s case is no less freak either. Of all people, Matthew Hayden, cricket’s own Arnold Schwarzenegger – not the senator but the terminator – fell to a heel injury sustained, where else but in IPL! So Watson is back in Australia’s ODI scheme of things. The cricketing world rubbed eyes in disbelief as the erstwhile doctors’ delight rose to the pink of his health, while an exasperated Hayden was cooling his healing heel!

Ronchi too has reasons to give thumbs-up to IPL. It required nothing less than a divine intervention to clear the passage for a salacious sounding surname and accordingly, Brad Haddin had to break his ring finger and twiddle his thumb in the sideline as Ronchi flew in.

Back home, Manpreet Gony could not believe his slice of luck either. Sreesanth survived a mighty Rs 3 crore slap from a feisty Sikh but was rendered hors de combat with a fishy side strain and Gony was shoehorned into the side for the Bangladesh tri-series!

I owe the bottom line to Paulo Coelho and it is -- if a Test/ODI cap is your dream, come to IPL and the world would conspire to help you achieve it.

Amen.