Sangakkara Sr: Typical Subcontinent Dad

"Never reached that level...leaden-footed."

"I wouldn't call Kumar a natural talent."

"Kumar could have done better."

"...did he achieve his true potential? I don't think so."

When the world of cricket was going gaga over a retiring Kumar Sangakkara, these are some of the remarks his father made in this incredible interview.

But then Sangakkara Sr is a typical parent from the subcontinent, a species social scientists have termed as the most difficult to please.

Below is how parents of some of the greatest human beings would have reacted had they been from the subcontinent:

1) Mrs Archimedes: Poor Archie, I don't know what will happen to him. Today he is deriving Archimedes' principle, tomorrow he is inventing a screw and the next day he is reflecting sunlight in mirror and burning Roman ships. Physics, mathematics, astronony, engineering ... I just wish he were a regular boy and focused on one single subject. Also, his dad was mighty upset after Leo ran naked on the street screaming "Eureka". Neighbours won't talk to us now, such a scandal!

2) Olympias: You know, Alexander was such a cute boy and both Philip and I wanted him to steer clear of this war business. We wanted him to crack the admission test for Plato's Academy and got him the best private tutor in Aristotle too. But guess he got into wrong company and set out on conquering the world. This new generation, I tell you...

3) Da Vinci Sr: When I look back, I feel rather sad for Leo. He could have straddled the worlds of arts and sciences like no one has but he finished half the polymath he could be. Remember, he was ambidextrous, which means the output would have been double had he been a little more serious. But then he has always been casual about career and then started chasing this Mona Lisa girl...

4) Mozart Sr: Johan, I mean Wolfgang, started composing when he was five, which means he was already running five years behind! You have to start music early, preferably when you are in your mother's womb, if you ask me. Also he never made it to the second round of Zee TV "Sa Re Ga Ma Pa".

5) Mrs Newton: Isaac sadly fell for the low-hanging fruit in that famous apple incident. I mean he did formulate the Theory of Gravitation, while failing to come up with what could have been the first authentic apple-pie recipe. There was no hurry for the Theory of Gravitation, but humanity had to wait a real long time before a decent apple-pie recipe came along.

6) Einstein Sr: I think Albert won a Nobel or something in Physics, that's what his mom told me. Poor under-achiever, should have won an Oscar as well but was was too lazy to capitalise on his friendship with Charlie Chaplin and learn from him before foraying into Hollywood.

7) Mrs Armstrong: Yes, Neil did become the first man on moon and all that but guess what? He forgot to bring a fridge magnet for the family! He has always been careless like this you know. When he was seven, he once ... When will you grow up Neil?

You know all is not well with Yuvraj when...

1. His midriff attracts more attention than that of a cheerleader;

2. His average in IPL is…well not even average, rather below-average;

3. He spends an incredible 23 days, 22 hours and 36 seconds without a bar brawl reported in media;

4. Police personnel make claims which basically mean knotted bed-sheets have been found hanging from the balcony of his hotel room;

5. He virtually usurps coach Tom Moody’s surname;

6. Sangakkara/Jayawardene sees no point in positioning him at point and exiles him to a third man;

7. Fans ponder calling him Sulk Hogan.

Pix: AP

7 IPL players, once domiciled

1. Owais Shah=Owais Saha, Wriddhiman’s long lost brother.

2. Kumar Sangakkara=Kumar Singh Kaur (Pardon the sex change).
 

3. Shane Bond=Sanat Bandopadhyay.
 

4. Kieron Pollard=Kiran Palekar.

5. Matthew Hayden=Mutthuswami Hegde (Come on, some K’taka Brahmins do stay in Chennai)

6. Tillakaratne Dilshan=Tilak Rattan Dhillon.

7. Jean-Paul Duminy=Jaipal Dhamne.

Why ‘keepers should not be skippers

It is like opening a hair salon in a locality where the Yul Brynners jostle for space with the Bruce Willises, Michael Jordons, Ben Kingsleys and Syed Kirmanis.

Or like stacking the racks with long gowns and then expecting a clientele that includes prominent minimalists like Kim Kardashian, Jordan, Pamela Anderson and Rihanna.

How else can you explain the plight of MS Dhoni's country-cousins-in-gloves?

Truth is the Parthiv Patels, Dinesh Karthiks and Wriddhiman Sahas have hit their cricketing cul de sac.

There is just one vacancy at the top and Dhoni has sealed it for good. Now where does that leave the Parthivs, Karthiks and Sahas?

Every day, they get up in a trance, shove their fists in those roomy gloves and hit the nets. Balls after balls thud onto their palms till they are numb and fingers sore.

But at the end of the day – even at the start of the day, for that matter – they know they are going nowhere.

Well, not exactly. Karthik is going places, but only literally.

Karthik spends most of his time in airports, clocking up frequent flyer's miles as Dhoni's cover. Pathiv is apparently contemplating a Dhokla joint near Royal Albert Hall in London. Saha says his IPL riches allows for a modest Telebhaja counter near Sealdah station.

The desperation has had some worrying effects on Karthik's sensitive psyche.

Already he has started chasing the umpire, tried his hands at bowling and did some crazy captaining – declaring Tamil Nadu's first innings only to see Himachal Pradesh overtake them!

All in his bid to reinvent himself and make him relevant.

I'm afraid, this career stagnation can lead to stranger things.

For instance, spiking Dhoni's drink with a steroid at the first available opportunity and fix him for good.

Or praying that cricket’s loss becomes Bhojpuri film industry's gain.

Or making a career switch altogether.

The point I'm driving at – 'keepers should not be made skippers. It can stamp out an entire generation of stumpers.

Sangakkara used to keep. Now he keeps it to himself, while PJ keeps to others.

High time BCCI took a leaf out of the Lankan book.

Roaring of the Pariah

Only those with a boulder for a heart would grudge Pakistan's T20 triumph. Let's admit, no other team needed it more.

For a nation where an entire generation is growing up inhaling air thick with gunpowder and switching on the TV only to be told where the last bomb had gone off, finally there is something to cheer about.

Despite all the pretensions, cricket can't heal the gaping wounds that terror inflicts daily on Pakistan's soul. But at least it can apply some balm and that's no mean achievement for any sport.

And it was sort of poetic justice that two terror-ravaged teams reached the T20 final, thus allowing their terrorised populace a fortnight long escape from reality.

Sangakkara, take a bow. Sri Lanka has been a jewel in cricket's crown but let's admit, Pakistan deserved it.

Who can grudge Younus Khan? A plain-speaking Pathan who is perhaps the biggest critic of his own brand of reluctant leadership. And still you had people who don't like him because he smiles even in defeat!

Shahid Afridi may not wield the most aesthetic willow but who can deny that he is an entertainer extraordinaire? It's players like him who bring people to ground and keep the game alive.

Unless Pakistan won it, how would you know that Abdul Razzaq is far better a player to waste his time plying trade in an irrelevant jambooree -- unseen, unsung.

Who grudges Misbah in his redemption? The albatross is finally off his neck and those mean jokes would no more ring in his ears.

It's sad that the Pakistani players are often perceived as a bunch of crooks always up some dirty tricks to make the ball behave as if it has a mind of its own. Often they are the butt of ugly commentary box jokes.

Is it just because they don't rattle in English? History witness, the Poms strayed into World Cup finals not once or twice but thrice but never really ran the risk of winning it despite speaking chaste English.

Well done, Pakistan!

Zaheer, RP, Yuvraj bag inaugural Cricinfo awards

Three Indians, two Sri Lankans and an Australian shared the spoils in the inaugural Cricinfo award that recognizes exploits in all three forms of the game – Test, ODI and Twenty20.

Kumar Sangakkara (Test), Adam Gilchrist (ODI) and Yuvraj Singh (Twenty20) won the batting awards, while bowling honours went to Zaheer Khan (Test), Lasith Malinga (ODI) and RP Singh (Twenty20).

The jury included Geoffrey Boycott, Ian Chappell, Daryll Cullinan, Tony Greig, Michael Holding, David Lloyd, Sanjay Manjrekar, Ramiz Raja and Ravi Shastri.

List of winners

Test batting - Kumar Sangakkara (SL): 192, Australia v Sri Lanka, 2nd Test, Hobart
Test bowling - Zaheer Khan (Ind): 5 for 75, England v India, 2nd Test, Trent Bridge
ODI batting - Adam Gilchrist (Aus): 149, Australia v Sri Lanka, World Cup final, Barbados
ODI bowling - Lasith Malinga (SL): 4 for 54, Sri Lanka v South Africa, World Cup, Guyana
Twenty20 batting - Yuvraj Singh (Ind): 70, India v Australia, World Twenty20 semi-final, Durban
Twenty20 bowling - RP Singh (Ind): 4 for 13, India v South Africa, World Twenty20, Durban

Image

Take a bow, Murali

Few cricketers polarise cricket world like Muttiah Muralitharan does and now voices would break all decibel barriers as the Lankan maverick joined the 700 Test wicket club, founded by a certain Shane Warne.

The case with Murali has been either you love him or you hate him. There simply is no in between. Bishan Singh Bedi felt Murali is a javelin thrower, a bandit in flannels. Martin Crowe believes Murali should be chucked out of the game. Another commentator opined Murali should figure in dart competitions and not in cricket field.

But there is another school of thought as well. Many a friendship would be strained in debates on whether his freak action is result of an elbow bent at birth or a wicked effort to exploit ICC's ambiguity on the subject. But the fact remains that Murali has curved a niche for himself and is here to make an indelible mark in the game's history.

Isn’t it incredible that in a trouble-torn Sri Lanka, divided deep along ethnic and religious lines finds a unifying factor in Murali?

Murali is set to overtake Shane Warne later this year, right at the leggie's backyard, perhaps amid jeers and cat calls. Lesser mortals could have succumbed to the series of setbacks Murali withstood in a rollercoaster career. Hostility has often brought out the best in Murali. So when he eventually eclipses Warne in Australia, the boos and barracking would only confirm Murali's status as perhaps the best off-spinner the game has ever seen.

###

P.S. I take this occasion to share my experience of meeting Murali. I have been to Colombo to cover that ill-fated Unitech Cup last year. Chicken-hearted South Africa had just pulled out following a blast, which meant SAF Games, and not cricket, was my purpose of staying put in the picturesque Lanka capital.

There is a lovely, lively food court at the basement of the Cinnamon Arcade in Colombo and you would be treated to food of every possible kind while local bands belt out old numbers. Born, bred and spoiled by sweet-biased Bengali diet, I found food too hot. I was clueless as I moved from one counter to another.

I had reached the Lankan food stall when I realised that virtually the entire Lankan squad was out there with their family. The guy in the counter asked me what I would love to have and I explained him my problem, also maintaining an eye on the gentleman on my left, with a baby in his arms.

"You should go for plain rice and pulse, that should not be a problem with you," the advice came from the most unexpected corner. Muralitharan had his son in his arms and he too was glancing through the dishes on display.

I thanked him profusely and ordered the one he suggested. "Did you take your son to your in-law's place in Chennai?" I asked.

"No, he has not. But we will soon visit Chennai ," he replied.

As I returned to my table, I could not help but compare Sri Lankan cricketers with their Indian counterpart. Have no illusion, the Lankans love their game as passionately as Indians do. But there is a clear line of demarcation between passion and madness there.

Murali, Vaas, Sangakkarra were not mobbed in the food court and there was not a single security person to shove you aside to make way for them.

As I gulped down the rice with generous amount of soft drinks, I watched Murali, a perfect family man, taking care of his baby and chatting with his wife, just like an ordinary man, after a day's hard work in the office, was out to dine with his family. Stardom often strips you off humility, but again, Murali has often been an exception.

Image: Getty Images

Lankan Lion has Kiwi in breakfast, Kangaroo for dinner?

(Murali the Magician, again the wrecker-in-chief)


Australia is not the team to step and skid on banana skin. That’s for lesser cricketing mortals, like India or Pakistan. Even South Africa. And thanks God, finally there seems a team with the wherewithal and the guile to upset the Aussie applecart.

Lankan triumph against New Zealand in the first World Cup semifinal conveys the Lankans are here for business. You simply don’t have a better balanced team in the World Cup. Not even Australia – with no slow bowler of worth in their ranks -- can boast of such combination.

The batting order looks a never ending one with each of them having distinction either in the bail-out act or the belting act. And his yesterday’s ton meant Mahela Jayawardene too came to the party and the timing could not have been better.

The bowling is potent enough to bring disorder to any batting order. Australian bats, provided they get past South Africa today, would struggle to see the ball coming off Lasith Malinga’s hands. Vaas may have lost couple of yards but no waning in guile – remember how he and his partner-in-conspiracy Sangakkara stumped Lara? Dilhara Fernando has also developed into an intelligent bowler and he put it on display in that last over against England.

Also, the mere sight of Muralitharan licking his lips and tossing the ball up at the end of his bowling mark is enough to send shivers down the spine. All those innuendoes and cat-calls from the Australian gallery are still fresh in his mind and Murali always loved to sizzle in sizzlers.

Come Saturday, the Lions would be ready to have Kangaroo for dinner.