Jest gone wrong?

You are often compelled to nod your head in affirmation when Frank Tyger says there is no evidence that the tongue is connected to the brain.

Enter Geoff Lawson after his tongue-in-cheek turned foot and mouth, I mean foot in mouth.

Lawson prophesied Pakistan would spank India in the tri-series by 150 runs. Not really amused, Dhoni & Co fell 10-run short as they mauled Malik’s team. Since then, Lawson has been going to town, explaining it was a comment made in jest.

Flash back, Champions League semifinals. Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez took the most inopportune of time to share his opinion that Didier Drogba is a professional ‘diver’. Not surprisingly, the talismanic Ivory Cost hit-man replied with a brace before breaking into wild celebration on Benitez’s chubby face.

And once upon a time, India had an Australian ringmaster – and it was not Steve Irwin -- as its coach, who made the world know his view that West Indies had forgotten how to win. The slighted hosts eventually walked away with the ODI series and captain Brian Lara in his Thank-You message said, Greg Chappell’s sly remark inspired them to the triumph.

Chappell ended with so much of eggs on his face that he never asked for omelets in his breakfast again.

And before another Australian braggart bites the dust for a similar folly, pause for a moment and think, do you really need to needle your opponents and give them a reason to regroup and even rise above their limitations, as was the case with Lara’s lads?

Coaches around the world would tell you in their vulnerable moments how difficult it is to motivate their wards play game after game and in places obvious and obscure. Why hurt opponents in a way that would only unite and inspire them? That’s rival coach’s job silly!

Dump the rogue: Cricket would be better off without Shoaib Akhtar

Geoff Lawson can’t be faulted if he packs his bag and catches the first available flight to Australia. After all, this was his first assignment with the Pakistani cricket team and what a way to begin!

Shoaib Akhtar, that rogue in flannel, has been sent home from Johannesburg for using the long handle that has left his new ball partner Mohammad Asif with a bruised thigh. Instead of playing in the Twenty20, the erratic ‘Rawalpindi Express’ will now be cooling his heels, admiring his supreme talent to run into trouble.

"I'm human and made a mistake in the heat of the moment. Asif said something to me that made me lose my temper. I apologised to him, but I was very upset," Shoaib told a channel.

And before one could doubt him being sincerely apologetic, Shoaib himself shatters the illusion when he compares his conduct with Zinedine Zidane’s headbutting of Marco Materazzi in the soccer World Cup final.

Now Pakistan Cricket Board might be interested in finding if Asif said something about Shamaila, Shoaib's sister.

PCB has already slapped an indefinite ban on the perennial controversy-courting speedster but it seems already too late. Shoaib has been both the ‘Rog’ and rogue in the Pakistan dressing room. He was more interested in tantrums than performance. Here you had a player who was so engrossed in putting up a show that he never hesitated to sacrifice team’s interest to achieve that.

Bob Woolmer, may he rest in peace in a world devoid of the likes of Shoaib, cried hoarse but could not convince the narcissist in Shoaib to cut down on his spectacular, and nothing else, run up, which often resulted in slow over rate for the side. Seduced by the speed-gun, Shoaib never felt for the colours he donned.

PCB had its share of the blame too. Shoaib would not sweat out with the team in the nets; would have his own physio -- Tauseef Razzaq – with him. Spoilt to the core and shamelessly pampered by a patronizing PCB, Shoaib gradually started believing he was bigger than the team.

Shoaib has proved a dismal disgrace not only for Pakistan, but the game of cricket as well. His very presence in the dressing room has been embarrassing for his captain (ask Inzamam) and depressing for the youngsters. His selfish approach to the game has scuttled many a team strategy and PCB would do well to permanently slam the door on the crook and breathe easy.

Image: AFP