Doosra Annual Award 2009

Dhoni could not believe it. Sehwag didn't like it. Pietersen rather resented it and Dirk Nannes was quite livid.

I assured them justice delayed is justice denied alright but they need not harbour similar insecurity about Doosra annual awards.

So without much ado, here goes the 2009 gongs:

1. Hosiery Society's Rookie Designer of the Year: Andrew Flintoff, for his socks;

2. Lingerie Wholesaler Association's Newcomer of the Year: Shane Warne, for his brief designs;

3. Youngest Grandpa Citation: Sachin Tendulkar;

4. M(e)an Booker Prize: Justin Langer, for his dossier on English cricketers;

5. Social Networker of the Year: Phil Hughes, for his Twittergate.

6. Honorary Doctorate: Sunil Gavaskar for diagnosing that the butter-finger Indians are incapable of even catching cold.

7. Quisling Memorial Trophy for Fifth Columnist of the Year: Virender Sehwag, for supporting opponents in close ties.

8. The inaugural Regit Sdoow Cup: Kevin Pietersen for being the perfect husband and seeking leave to watch his wife's dance prorgamme on TV. (Regit Sdoow is Tiger Woods reversed, for the uninitiated).

9. Thomas Edison Medal: Tillakaratne Dilshan for inventing ‘Dilscoop’.

10. Lord Snooty of the Year: Ram Gopal Verma, for mistaking Dhoni for an aspiring actor;

15. Cricketer Sans Border Plaque: Dirk Nannes, for effortlessly two-timing Netherlands and Australia.

16. Noam Chomsky Medal: Again Dirk Nannes, for being the only Japanese-speaking cricketer.

(Read Doosra Annual Award 2008 here)

Flintoff on a pedalo again!

This is not an ODI World Cup year. Nor has he a vice captaincy to shed.

More importantly, he looks sober and alone.

Freddie Flintoff still gets on a pedalo and it’s not even a sequel to the Pedalogate I.

Believing that the Australians are not capable of doing anything else, the mastermind of this deodorant advertisement shows two Aussies nicking Flintoff’s car and leaving a pedalo instead. Mind you, one of them looked like Michael Clarke’s cousin.

But Freddie the Flintstone could not care less as he gets on the pedalo, reviving memories of his booze cruise in the Caribbeans, and wades through a canal to reach destination.

The pedalo is up for grabs and the money will go to Flintoff's foundation.

Mohali Test...Day 5

1052: What do you do when fog delaying start of play becomes a ritual? Tendulkar works on a doosra (No big deal, I too work on a Doosra anyway), Laxman realises he can send down decent medium pace stuff, Botham fools around, Harmison comes off a self-imposed exile to make a rare pubilc appearance and Anderson proves his dexterity and tries left-arm spin.

1157: The imposter out there in Gambhir's garb is trying to inherit the slur from Mudassar Nazar. Mudassar took 557 minutes to score his century against England. Luckily, however, Gambhir won't have as much time at his disposal.

1307: Lunch down their throat, Yuvraj and Gambhir walk out to bat again! Dhoni in no mood to declare. Flintoff can't believe it and asks the batsmen if they are serious. So Mudassar need not lose all hopes.

1522: I'm straining my eyes to see if Dravid is marshalling the field at the fag end of the match. Didn't Dhoni have that sort of farewell for Ganguly? Remember, Dravid too scored a Bradmanesque duck here. To my disappointment, I see Amit Mishra setting field. Nay, Kumble has just left, way too premature for Mishra.

1953: A convert KP sung 'pie-chucker' Yuvraj's praise in the press conference. "One of the cleanest strikers of the ball, his sixes leave me dumbfounded," he gushed. But then pie-chucker? "Come on, little bit of fun and banter doesn't do any harm," he said. Dhoni said he would love to have some more pie-chuckers. MSD also thanked the Poms for returning for the series to prove India is safe post-Mumbai mayhem.

Mohali Test...Day 2

0901: Since landing, returning and landing again in India, England has won only hearts and nothing else. See how string of defeats derange English mind. It's so foggy out there -- in fact the Test is yet to see sun -- but Pietersen still has his shades with him! Not covering his eyes of course but doubling up as hair band. Considering how closely cropped his hair is, it's a shade unnecessary.

0947: He does not roll his eyes, chew tobacco, crack whip or inquire about Holi. The entire English team has been a huge let down and I found Amjad Khan is no different either. But then what you expect from a Copenhagen-born Danish bowler with Pakistani roots and a British passport?

0958: Gambhir stright drove Broad for a lovely boundary. TV camera caught a couple of PYTs clapping. "Shot of the day", said a colleague, "by the cameraman, of course." Boys will be boys, of course until they 'go to Denmark'.

1236: The door that seemed ajar has been slammed shut now. So Dravid plays cricket and Badrinath sudoku. Pen replaces bat and Badri is caught on camera engrossed in another game. After all, any engagement is better than just twiddling thumb.

1352: Flintoff just demonstrated why Martti Ahtisaari should consider himself lucky, having pipped Freddie to the Nobel peace award. Butter-finger Alastair Cook-ed Flintoff's goose (read Yuvraj) and still Freddie retained his smile! Now you know that you don't always need a number of them. At times, just one Cook, especially with eyeliner eyes, is enough to spoil the broth.

1617: A relaxed Dravid listens to music, so far he was only facing it. He was not really on song today, but his return to form would still be some sort of music to his fans' ears.

Ind vs Eng ODI Live Update from Kanpur

0827: Welcome to WNWSACWR (What Neo Won't Show and Cricinfo Won't Report). Waking up groggy at ungodly hours and making your way through a maze of security is never easy. Some people still retain their zeal-- like Ravi Shastri out there, trying to flirt with the Neo babe, the neonate in cricket broadcasting.

0837: The guy (I mean Guy the Gorrilla) who wanted to sent his mom-in-law to Pakistan is out there. Sir Ian Terence Botham, OBE, just had a brief discussion with Kevin Peter Pietersen, MBE, in the middle. Beefy looks in good shape but you can't say the same about England. I reckon KP was trying to woo him out of retirement. Considering the shellacking Broad & Co received in Indore and Rajkot, it can't get worse.

0844: Talking about in-laws, a certain Sunny Gavaskar was denied entry in the team hotel last night. Sunny's wife hails from Kanpur and he is certainly not the first son-in-law to get such cold treatment from his sasural. Also saw Sunny Sir admiring a new hat but there was time when he was wearing quite a few of them.

0900: Laxmanshivaramkrishnan, Gavaskar and David Lloyd stand together facing the camera. Looks like a fairness cream commercial that improves your complexion in three stages.

0909: Shastri and Rajiv Shukla bridge the gap between their statures and engage in a neck-spraining discussion. One has grown vertically and the other just expanded horizontally. I guess Shukla was seeking an explanation from Shastri on Raj Thackeray's drive against the north Indians.

0915: Surrounded by Shastri, Gavaskar, Botham, Shiva and a few of his former peers, Krish Srikkanth takes a nostalgic tour down memory lane and enthusiastically shadow-practises shots before proceeding to study the pitch, something he was never accused of doing in his playing days.

0929: Men in Blue around me. Actually UPCA had freshly painted the chairs in the press box and the Sun reporter just discovered to his horror that the paint has tainted his cream colour troussers. A colleague of him takes a snap of the tainted bottom and I expect colourful copies in the British press tomorrow. Meanwhile, it leads to a strange spectacle in the press box where guys ask each other to have a look at their bums. They may be fierce professional rivals but you have to appreciate their 'Dostana'.

1141: In the press box, Angus Fraser isn't amused with the paint on his troussers, shaking head in disgust and mumbling the unprintables. He wears specs and the glasses are really thick and powerful. If he wants, he can take one off here and burn a hole in Russell Tiffen's troussers out there in the middle.

1211: Flintoff fell to Yusuf Pathan and another Great Indian Huddle. I was always intrigued what they discuss in the huddle? Should be their unparliamentary emotions which they otherwise can't express in front of the umpires or near the stump microphones.

1239: Bopara back, Samit Patel and Owais Shah waging grim battle and Monty Panesar is being missed. Can we have a true blue English team, please?

1529: India trying to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Complacency? Boredom? spiked drink? voodoo? Curse of Punter?

Thanks for the Dadagiri

If Indian cricket is Bollywood, Sachin Tendulkar is its Amitabh Bachchan, who refuses to age or wane and M S Dhoni, its SRK – the urbane, glib-talking heartthrob.

I bet he’s not going to like this but Sourav Ganguly has been its Mithun Chakraborty.

Daily chores over, rickshaw-pullers, labourers, coolies and small shopkeepers throng dingy theatres in nondescript towns where Mithun badmouths baddies before battering them thrice a day. Script, storyline, cinematography, music – everything else is secondary. Week after week, they cheer every blow Mithun lands on the villain and whistle every time he shakes a leg with a buxom beauty.

Ganguly has been as much a hero of the hoi polloi, the messiah of the mass, who could identify with his brand of leadership. Indeed, few knew better how to involve, incite and ignite public minds.

And the touch of Bollywood is too unmistakable in his comeback as well. Pushed to the brink of the precipice by a gora villain, the post-interval session sees the hero clawing his way up to punish the baddie and settle score.

In many ways, Ganguly reflected the ambition and aspiration of a nation which, bankrolled by a burgeoning economy, dreamt of entering the big league, demanding equal respect.

Fans shared his wholesome hatred for prevailing norms, which suggested cricket is played between two sides but won only by Australia. And when he took his shirt off in Lord’s hallowed balcony and hurled a mouthful back to Flintoff, it was virtually a collective catharsis for a nation which had stopped turning the other cheek.

Indeed, if Dhoni & Co are speaking an aggressive language on the field, it was Ganguly who had laid down its grammar.

And as the man walked into sunset with a trail of eulogies and effigies, bouquets and brickbats behind him, few acknowledged his contribution.

It’s not the 18000-plus runs he scored, mostly through the off-side of which he was the God. Neither is the fact that he taught how to win Tests abroad. Nor is it about instilling aggression in teammates.

Most importantly, Ganguly restored faith in public mind and upheld its integrity, thus helping cricket survive a potential disaster, a splitting of the game and its followers.

Ganguly inherited the team at a time when Indian cricket was struggling to shed the match-fixing slur. Every dropped catch set the tongue wagging, every dismissal was dissected in hushed tones and every outcome was seen through a veil of suspicion. It was clearly cricket’s darkest hour.

To his credit, Ganguly established the integrity of the game and a secular India embraced cricket as its religion.

In between his fairytale Test debut and Bradmanesque exit, Ganguly was never the best batsman around, neither statistically nor aesthetically. And still Ganguly on song ranked among the most beautiful scenes in cricket.

Few incurred so much hatred, and fewer got the love that came his way. Much more than just a cricketer, Ganguly was a character, whose exit leaves the game poorer.

Tendulkar’s greatness doesn’t trigger debate, Dravid’s persona doesn’t strain friendship and Kumble is a genuine sweetheart.

In contrast, 16 years of ceaseless scrutiny has yielded precious little and jury is still out on whether Ganguly is the saint or the Satan.

Slinga Malinga among sexiest men in cricket

Their looks seemed as unimpressive as their form. And once again, India and Pakistan were outshone by Sri Lanka.

In simpler terms, no Indian or Pakistani could make the cut as “Easy”, a Barbados magazine, carried out a "Sexiest Men in Cricket" poll.

For Sri Lanka, it was ‘Slinga’ Malinga, who featured in the elite league, along with Daniel Vettori, Kevin Pietersen, Chris Gayle and Shaun Tait.

Those who got honourable mentions were Brain Lara, Andrew Flintoff and Makhaya Ntini.

(Photo credit: Sahara Samay)

The A-Z of the 2007 World Cup

Now that the World Cup is finally over, here is an AFP copy that tries to encapsulate the entire event in the alphabetical order:

A is for Australians, everywhere. As well as the champion team, there were Australian players in the Ireland and Scotland squads while India, Sri Lanka, Bangladesh and West Indies all started with Australian coaches.

B is for biceps, particularly those of Australia all-rounder Andrew Symonds whose participation in the tournament had been put in doubt because of arm surgery.

C is for crying and the tears of Bermuda's 17-year-old seamer Malachi Jones who wept and wept and wept after taking the wicket of India opener Robin Uthappa with his fourth ball. However, he would have blubbed even more when he finished with 1-74 off seven overs.

D is for drinking with a group of England players, and Andrew Flintoff to the fore, exercising their right arms with so much vigour that the all-rounder was dropped for one match while others were fined. South Africe were also at the centre of 'late-night booze shame' tabloid frenzy but, unlike England, they made progress in the tournament.

E is for empty stadiums which became a constant, depressing sight throughout the tournament as locals stayed away in protest at the price of tickets. It got worse when India and Pakistan failed to reach the second round.

F is for four wickets in four balls. The unique feat was achieved by Sri Lanka seamer Lasith Malinga in Guyana although his efforts were not enough to prevent South Africa from securing a one-wicket win. F is also for Ferret, as in the bizarre dance performed by Ireland seamer Dave Langford-Smith every time he took a wicket.

G is for Gibbs. South Africa batsman Herschelle Gibbs made history by becoming the first man to hit sixes in an over in a one-day international, achieving the landmark against hapless Netherlands in St Kitts. G is also for Adam Gilchrist who hit a record 149 in the final to see his team to victory.

H is for Hayden with the Australian opener hitting the fastest ever World Cup 100 in just 66 balls and going on to dominate the scoring charts. H is also for humour as illustrated by Dutch skipper Luke van Troost after seeing his slow bowler Daan van Bunge pulverised by Gibbs' record-setting hitting. "I told him to bowl a slower one," said the captain to his teammate. "'I just did'," was the bemused reply.

I is for Inzamam-ul-Haq. The proud Pakistan skipper saw his team humiliated by Ireland and devastated by the death of coach Bob Woolmer. Inzamam won the hearts of the Kingston crowd and millions watching around the world when he made a tearful exit at Sabina Park after announcing his one-day international retirement.

J is for Johnston. Ireland's Trent Johnston danced as close to an Irish jig as his ageing Aussie bones could manage every time he claimed a wicket. His teammates likened it to a chicken. J is also for Ed Joyce who helped Ireland qualify for the World Cup before switching allegiance to England. His reward? He was promptly dropped when the runs dried up.

K is for kids. In a trademark sign that a tournament is failing to woo the locals, World Cup organisers were reduced to busing in thousands of bemused school pupils to fill acres of empty seats. In Barbados, 4,000 of them added their shrill voices to the proceedings. K is also for South African all-rounder Kallis who, despite his critics, plays the game his way.

L is for Lara. The West Indies batting great, whose career was peppered with a host of records and runs, wept as he bowed out of international cricket unable to stem the decline of a once-feared team. L is also for Dwayne Leverock, the 255-pound (116kg) Bermuda spinner whose ungainliness perfectly illustrated the team's problems on their debut appearance.

M is for Mir. Pervez Mir was the Pakistan team spokesman who was a constant feature on TV screens and in newspapers mounting a dignified response to the Woolmer tragedy. M is also for Malinga, the bleach-blond Sri Lanka seamer with the slingshot action which befuddled South Africa. M is also for McGrath, the veteran Aussie bowler who claimed the all-time World Cup wickets record.

N is for no-hopers. Hang your heads in shame Bermuda, Scotland and Canada who played nine games and failed to muster a point between them.

O is for over-rated. Step forward India, the financial powerhouse of the international game who lost to Bangladesh and beat a hasty retreat home. O is also for over-priced as in tickets, 90 dollars in St Kitts for example where the average weekly wage is 100 dollars, and hotels who thought it fun to triple their rates.

P is for the Pegasus Jamaica which briefly became one of the most famous hotels in the world. It was where the Pakistan team stayed and where Bob Woolmer was murdered on March 18. On a lighter note, P is also for pedalo, Flintoff's transport of choice on his infamous night out.

Q is for quit and plenty of people were doing it at the Caribbean - Lara, Inzamam, Greg Chappell, Dav Whatmore, Duncan Fletcher and Clive Lloyd amongst others.

R is for resting. Sri Lanka caused controversy when they gave Chaminda Vaas and Muttiah Muralitharan a breather for the Super Eights match against Australia. The Aussies said it was something they would never do while Lanka wicketkeeper Kumar Sangakkara accused critics of double standards.

S is for Shields. Jamaica police's deputy commissioner Mark Shields was the urbane and articulate detective leading the hunt for Woolmer's killers.

T is for teenagers. Bangladesh's young side, which defeated mighty India and South Africa, was packed with fearless talent and made such an impression that they are already being considered as a potential threat when the 2011 World Cup takes place on the sub-continent.

U is for unsung heroes. The pre-tournament hype and publicity revolved around the marquee names but it was the likes of Andrew Hall, Scott Styris and Brad Hogg who were manning the barricades.

V is for Lou Vincent. The New Zealand opener made two noughts and then a century. But just when he thought his World Cup was up and running, he was ruled out with a broken wrist inflicted upon him by teammate Shane Bond in the nets.

W is for Woolmer. Former England Test batsman Bob Woolmer was a well-liked and hugely-respected coach admired for his even-handed relationship with players and for his innovative methods. Deeply depressed by Pakistan's shock loss to Ireland on March 17, he died the following day. His death is being treated as murder and the hunt for the killers is ongoing.

X is for X-factor and X-rated. Bangladesh had both, the former with their stunning wins over India and South Africa, the latter for their tame, lame defeat to Ireland.

Y is for youth. Just 20 years old but fresh-freshed enough to suggest mid-teens, Stuart Broad held his nerve in his first World Cup match to hit the runs which give England a one-wicket win over West Indies. It also sent Brian Lara into retirement on a losing note.

Z is for Zimbabwe. A team in turmoil, they mamanged a tie with Ireland and very little else. Disenchanted on their return home, two of their most promising players, Vusi Sibanda and Anthony Ireland, left to take up lucrative club contracts in Australia and England respectively.

(Photo: bbc.co.uk)