A page from Rajinikanth's diary

0615: Woke up the Sun, full three nanoseconds late. Threatened to fire it and replace it with a giant LED. It offered Rajininamaskar though.

0620: Fed eucalyptus leaves to Corny and let it roam in my garden before sending it back to the basement park. Imagine the mayhem if someone sees my pet unicorn.

0645: Went for a walk, the air is so toxic. Breathed in filter mode, knitting my nasal hairs into a thin screen which allows only oxygen in. Sneezed out lumps of crystalised argon. How do ordinary people even breathe?

0715: Had good sparring with Yetim. Five years ago, I absentmindedly climbed Mt Everest and found the orphan Yeti there. Only Anil Kapoor has more hair per inch.

1000: Missed the 9 a.m. pill, so had to time-travel. Memory playing tricks. The other day could not recall the entry on page 456 of Encyclopaedia Britannica Volume 33.

1300: Completed morning shooting. Director was yet to script the climax. I told him to shoot my cigarette stunt and take it backwards from there.

1400: Took a nap. A beautiful dream saw me.

1500: Swallowed some sun-rays. I absolutely mean it when I say light snacks.

1600: Called a press conference and made emphatically ambiguous comments about joining politics. Great fun, watching media, especially those in Delhi, run like a headless chicken.

1700: Signed film against Aaradhya Bachchan. Also tweeted my resolve to fight nepotism in showbiz.

1800: A cat startled me. Activated ultrasonic hearing. Earth positively creaked. Need to check the axis tomorrow.

1900: Spielberg called to offer a Hollywood film. I offered him a Tamil film instead. He’ll get back.

2000: Latha’s birthday, so ordered a personal full moon. Also spared her the kitchen chores. Vegetables cooked themselves.

2100: Had a bout of hiccups. Sheep worldwide counting me to get some sleep. Poor animals. Good night.

Exclusive Interview of Rohit Sharma's Talent (RST)

Doosra: Hi, you there?
RST: What do you mean you there?

Doosra: Odd. I can hear you but I can't see. The chair is empty. Are you real? I mean, do you really exist?
RST: what do you mean? You don't really suggest Rohit Sharma's talent is non-existent, do you?

Doosra: Well, it's very disconcerting. I feel like Annu Kapoor entertaining an invisible Anil Kapoor in "Mr India". If you exist, why can't I see you?
RST: You don't see Bappi Lahiri's eyes either, but that doesn't mean he doesn't possess any. Look through the prism of devotion, and you'd see me, you obnoxious non-believer.

Doosra: Are you a myth or reality? Does Rohit really have any talent?
RST: Loads of it, more than he knows what to do with it. Trust me, the guy is stuffed to the gills with talent. Look how obese I am!

Doosra: I still can't see you...
RST: That's because you are a cynic moron. Yesterday he cut his finger and you know what he bled? Talent. He is full of it, he's oozing it all the time through his pores. In fact, he has surplus talent. At times he has to spit it, vomit it and even defecate it. Or he'd explode.

Doosra: What rubbish.
RST: On the contrary, if ICC is really serious about improving cricket's standard in associate nations, they should sprinkle Rohit's bathwater on the cricketers from those countries.

Doosra: Outrageous. I find it difficult to accept. Talent was Wasim Akram, who could bowl six different deliveries in an over.
RST: Wasim was a kid and must be thanking his stars that his career didn't coincide with Rohit's. Rohit can squeeze in a boundary even in a three-run knock. He can edge even when shadow-practising. And he can outsmart any bowler by offering multiple dismissal options in each delivery.

Doosra: If he is indeed so talented, why can't he score consistently?
RST: I'll pardon you for being such a chump. All talents, by nature, are like that. If Leonardo da Vince had to churn out a masterpiece every day, he'd have probably come up with Mona Singh and not Mona Lisa. Same with Rohit - masterclass or mastercrap. Nothing in between.

Doosra: Records don't really back that. Apart from the two 200-plus ODI scores, both at home, there's pretty much no real masterclass to justify his billing as the best thing to come out of Mumbai since Sachin Tendulkar.
RST: That's a wrong way to put it.

Doosra: I'm glad you agree.
RST: No, I meant the truth is Tendulkar is the best thing to come out of Mumbai before Rohit happened. I'm afraid, world cricket will always be divided into pre-Rohit and post-Rohit eras.

Doosra: Whatever. I think the trick is to combine talent with hard work. Lara was gifted, but Sachin worked harder and see where they ended up.
RST: Utter rubbish. See, Rohit can't work hard, it would be suicidal for him.

Doosra: And how?
RST: Let me explain. See, every player is like a container, and Rohit is full to the brim with talent. Now to accommodate hard work, you have to tilt the container and drain some of the talent. Now who in his right mind would waste talent like that? Where is the sense in it?

Doosra: It's ridiculous.
Talent: I agree, he's outrageously talented.

Doosra: You mean he won't improve ever?
RST: Don't be silly, where is the room?
Doosra: Guess, we have to live with it. Anyway, nice talking to you. See you...ok, forget it.

10 Bollywood Facts I Bet You Didn’t Know

1. Aamir Khan's ears are aerodynamically designed, at an angle to help him slow down when on motion. Just like an aircraft while landing.

2. Income Tax guys once raided Akshay Kumar for disproportionate asset in the form of gum;

3. Anil Kapoor has severe vitamin D deficiency as sunlight can't penetrate his body hair and reach skin;

4. Hrithik Roshan's right hand has a nickname- "Pincode", for it has six digits.

5. Imran Khan uses complex geometrical instruments to get his hairline;

6. No domestic help has ever stolen any cutlery from Kamal Haasan's kitchen. They were never sure if the fork lying invitingly was not Kamal Haasan himself in make-up;

7. Aradhya Bachchan is likely to make her acting debut in a Tamil film against her grandfather Amitabh Bachchan's good friend Rajinikanth;

8. It's gross exaggeration to say Anushka Sharma is so thin that she can pass through the eye of a needle. Her hair tied in a ban, she gets stuck.

9. Shakti Kapoor is an ardent Nabokov fan. #Lolita

10. Shammi Kabab was originally called Prithviraj Kapoor. #ShammiKaBaap

10 Soccer Facts I Bet You Didn’t Know

1. Babies are normally born head-first. Andrea Pirlo bucked the trend and was born beard-first.

2. An unborn Miroslav Klose never kicked his mom from inside her womb. He always headed.

3. Philipp Lahm is shorter than himself.

4. Arjen Robben can overtake any Irfan Pathan/Vinay Kumar delivery in loafers.

5. The density of hair in Joachim Loew’s head matches that of Anil Kapoor’s chest.

6. Kokilaben Ambani made a last-ditch attempt to make the Boateng brothers Jerome (Germany) and Prince (Ghana) bury their differences and play for any one team.

7. Eden Hazard was named after the 1967 Kolkata test match violence.

8. Sepp Blatter reports to N Srinivasan.

9. FIFA is a BCCI sub-committee.

10. An ageing Klose will decide whether to play on after the 2050 World Cup to be held in Chennai under BCCI’s aegis.