A profane post

It's potentially a fatwa-inviting post. A heresy, a sacrilege beyond redemption. But then someone had to say it I guess.

Just too much of saccharine, this Tendulkar20 business.

Deep inside, the Little Master himself must be embarrassed by the mindless hysteria he finds himself in and around him.

His fawning fans in the media have made such a vulgar song and dance of his 20 years in international cricket that I won't be surprised if he comes up with his own version of Karl Marx’s Thank-God-I'm-Not-A-Marxist renouncement.

When someone like Ravi Shastri advocates blanket imprisonment for every Tendulkar critic, you suspect fascism trying to stage a comeback with cricket as its vehicle.

Raj Thackeray can sleep peacefully. Indian cricket is in safe hands.

Elsewhere, the abysmal chumps in the media are foaming at the mouth, trying to convince us how longevity is the lone hallmark of greatness.

You wonder if they have heard about Wilfred Rhodes who had a 31-year-old international career and there are around 14 others as well who lingered for more than 20 years.

A humbug columnist questioned if any other player had hauled a nation from the depth of its sorrow like Tendulkar did by dedicating a century to the Mumbai terror victims.

While a heart-warming gesture it definitely was, the columnist apparently forgot Don Bradman had lifted the entire Australian spirit from the aftermath of the 'Great Depression'.

To be fair to Tendulkar, it's difficult to imagine him appreciating this sick media rush to usurp the milestone and milk some mileage. For, in this avalanche of feel-good interviews and familiar ego-massaging gibberish, objectivity has been sacrificed at the altar of sycophancy.

No sincere effort to gauge why two decades were not enough to silence claims that he did not win enough matches while the likes of Brian Lara won series on their own.

Reams spent on his 175 in Hyderabad against Australia, and rightly so, but not a single honest question on why he played that ugly, irresponsible shot completely unbecoming of a player of his stature.

Or for that matter, what about that steadfast political correctness, the opaqueness of which never allowed us to know actually what goes inside that great mind?

Lest you get me wrong, only fools would doubt Tendulkar's greatness. But the same fools would roam around with a superiority complex when they come across people who refuse to recognize a single grey shade in that pronounced greatness.

If anything, this eulogy deluge has cemented the notion that we are essentially, and probably incorrigibly, a nation of hyperbole and hysteria, which is ready to dump its sense of proportion at the slightest provocation.

Tendulkar once swapped a dear bat for a Mark Knoffler guitar. He has an ear for music. But I'm not sure all that is written and aired about him would come as music to those blushed ears.

(P.S. Read 7 Tendulkar Q & A here.)

Lara, Warne, McGrath in rebel Twenty20 league!

(Renewing rivalry? Photo: Getty Images)


If glamour quotient is the yardstick, ICC can take a walk. And when it holds the inaugural Twenty20 World Championship in South Africa in September, ICC can expect a good run for its money, fame and everything else.

The rebel Indian Cricket League has staged a series of coups by roping in the likes of Brian Lara, Shane Warne and Glenn McGrath. And if this is not enough for the lawyerly Malcolm Speed to lose his sleeps, ICL has assured “more big names to follow.”

Media baron Subhash Chandra launched the ICL amid much fanfare and the breakaway Twenty20 competition is likely to take place right after the ICC event.

With Warne, Lara and McGrath, among others, quitting the stage, mainstream cricket has lost much of its glitz, gloss and glamour. It went to such extent that Lasith Malinga was voted among the sexiest men in cricket, something left even the staunchest of his supporters cherry-red in the face.

From viewers’ point of view, it simply could not get better. I have a couple of suggestions. Get Jayasuriya, the quintessential woodcutter who once mistakenly walked into a cricket field and stayed on to hack bowlers with the willow. And I know you need an electronic microscope to find if Inzamam has any supporter left. Still, can’t we have the big, bushy Inzy in the circus?

Slinga Malinga among sexiest men in cricket

Their looks seemed as unimpressive as their form. And once again, India and Pakistan were outshone by Sri Lanka.

In simpler terms, no Indian or Pakistani could make the cut as “Easy”, a Barbados magazine, carried out a "Sexiest Men in Cricket" poll.

For Sri Lanka, it was ‘Slinga’ Malinga, who featured in the elite league, along with Daniel Vettori, Kevin Pietersen, Chris Gayle and Shaun Tait.

Those who got honourable mentions were Brain Lara, Andrew Flintoff and Makhaya Ntini.

(Photo credit: Sahara Samay)

What Ails Former Cricketers?

When two defeats have been forced down the throat of your country and a third looks imminent, when the World Cup hopes of your motherland hangs on balance, when a beleaguered batch of cricketers are desperately seeking words of support and encouragement from their idols -- this is clearly not the right time for someone like Michael Holding and Andy Roberts launch into a tirade against Brian Lara. Coming it from the cricket-mad fans is understandable but from past masters like them? INEXCUSABLE.

Roberts lambasted Lara ahead of the crucial tie against Sri Lanka which the hosts duly lost, accusing the captain -- coach Bennette King too -- of dominating selection process. Roberts was particularly irked by Jerome Taylor’s omission against New Zealand. Under-pressure to stay afloat, Lara was quick with his riposte before sanity prevailed and he sought an apology for his outburst against Roberts.

Holding too joined the Lara-lashing brigade even though it didn’t surprise me. So many former greats have lost their marbles in the commentary box and Holding too needs to mouth craps to keep the circus going.

"Lara has to step aside, not necessarily as a player, but as captain. We haven't seen an improvement when he has taken over the captaincy. Everyone knows he's a great batsman but that's not what it takes to lead a team. I can't even say he is a good captain tactically,” he said. When? In the middle of a World Cup!

I don’t have any problem with the text or the tone; it’s just the occasion which pains me.

And that prompts me to think what ails the former cricketers?

At times I wonder how they fall prey to the headline- hungry demon that resides inside them. In their desperation to be relevant in a cruelly contemporary world, which has little time for past heroes, they end up doing silly things. And I’m also convinced that envy, that green-eyed monster, burns bright inside past cricketers. Despite on-field heroics, at the end of the day they are human just like us, all flesh and blood.

The same fame which took them a lifetime to win is now available just for a knock or a spell. The abject poverty, which plagued their early career, throughout for some, is now a thing of the past and the present lot virtually mints money and lives life king-size. Of late, cricket has learnt how to take care of its practitioners, at least in the international level, and that’s probably too much to bear.

So, whenever someone like Roberts, who earns his bread as a curator-cum- selector these days, meets Lara (who resides in a palatial mansion atop a hill in Port of Spain) in a get-together and puts his arm around his neck, you can smell something burns somewhere.

Sense of timing is traditionally the hallmark of great batsmen. No wonder, Holding and Roberts earned their stripes not with the willow but with cherry.

Opt Out Before You Are Thrown Out: Ian Chappell tells Tendulkar

At times, you can’t do away with the clichés. And one goes – your retirement should be timed in such a way that people should ask WHY? And not WHY NOT!

Post-World Cup, Ian Chappell just told the same to Sachin Tendulkar.

Chapelli risks earning a 1.1 billion – that’s India’s population – enemies overnight. The former Aussie captain has told Tendulkar in clear terms that he’s been reduced to a caricature of his former self and it's time to consider hanging up his boots.

“Before anybody else makes a decision on what will happen to Tendulkar the player himself has to have a good long look in the mirror and decide what he’s trying to achieve in the game,” said Chappell, one of the sane voices in the highly volatile cricket world.

So far, some discerning people have been discussing it in the privacy of their drawing room. Even die-hard fans were praying he goes head held high and not hanging his head in shame.

Kapil once incurred the nation’s wrath when he mouthed the bitter truth that Sachin is past his prime and the “Haryana Hurricane” hinted it was time to go. Kapil, who himself hanged on to the scene for too long just for the sake of a record, may not have the moral high ground to preach so, but then he was probably sharing his experience.

Chappell goes on to draw an interesting parallel between Tendulkar and Brian Lara and says why the West Indian batting great, despite being four years senior to our Little Champion, remains a shining star.

Lara has managed to steer clear of major injuries and even after 17 years in the business, has remained more or less in his approach to the game. Sachin, on the other hand, had to mould himself to ensure his approach dovetails with his ageing body. Sachin has been -- to us, at times -- larger than the game itself but Chappelli surely has a point.

"If Tendulkar had found an honest mirror three years ago and asked the question; 'Mirror, mirror on the wall who is the best batsman of all?'
It would’ve answered; 'Brian Charles Lara.'

If he asked that same mirror right now; 'Mirror, mirror on the wall should I retire?'

The answer would be; 'Yes.'

Mumbai Tech Firm Masters Crystal Ball Gazing for World Cup!

By now, Mumbai’s Fractal Analytics Ltd must have been flooded by calls from the bookies, and why not? After all they had rightly predicted that Brian Lara’s men will come on top in the World Cup opener against Pakistan! And hold on, their forecast about Lara and Inzamam-ul Haq’s scores in the match was spot on too!

Bookies, however, can eat their heart out as Mukesh Budhani, a consultant with Fractal made it clear that they are steering clear of any murky business and vehemently denied placing even personal bets.

Fractal, which otherwise earns its bread by predicting customer and employee behavior for its clients in Asia and the US, however, erred in one respect. They had predicted a close match but in the end, West Indies romped home to a facile win.
Budhani, however, is not ruffled by that and said the model cannot predict dropped catches or run-outs.
So here goes the obvious million dollar question - can Rahul Dravid do a Kapil Dev and return with the Cup? Budhani says even he doesn’t have the answer as of now and it would depend on the last match played. So the suspense continues and though knuckles must be aching, fans will have to keep their fingers crossed till April 28.

A ‘Doosra’ View On Cricket: New Kid Hits Blogosphere

So yet another cricket blog rolls off the block. One may ask WHY? I would say WHY NOT? Being in sports journalism for over seven years doesn’t make me a Peter Roebuck, agreed but it can’t be a handicap either. So love me or hate me, just don’t ignore me.

I want my blog to stand out, and not lost, in a crowd. It will not be just the routine monologue of a cricket buff bitten by the bug. I don’t want it to be as mundane as an Ashley Giles over, all six deliveries threatening to squash leg umpire’s toes. Instead, despite all his off-field vices, it would be like Shane Warne fishing out one after another gem from his magic sac.

Apart from regular stuffs like updates, features, statistics and opinion pieces, this blog will feature EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEWS as well. From witty to whacky and class to crass, I hope my brainchild to be liked by purists and plebian alike. And what better time than to kick off with the World Cup? Great if the Indo-Australian joint venture brings the Cup to India but do put your hands together when Brian Lara caresses it past slip or Adam Gilchrist decides to walk. Happy Reading.