Cultural difference and others craps

We would surely love to believe that the Sydney bad blood has been flushed out. Disturbing voices, however, still want us believe Ricky Ponting & Co played the game hard but fair.

“Cultural difference, silly!” Well, that’s pure crap. Hogg…I mean hogwash actually.

Let’s get it right that India lost the Sydney Test but Australia did not win either. If Cricket Australia cares a fig about intangible things like ethics and morality, the Sydney Test, at best, was a Pyrrhic victory. But neither Ponting nor James Sutherland is Pyrrhus and nor do they realize that victories like this would leave their reputation in tatters.

Unmistakably, the Australians are so seduced by success that they bring in a kind of ruthlessness that probably guarantees them silverwares but not admirers. Well, if they are happy with that, congratulations! If cricket is global politics, Australia is its America – the big, brash, bully that boasts of everything but admirers. Likewise, Australia’s cupboard maybe full of trophies but they have hardly won anything else.

Specially under Ponting, Australia has fallen from the grace. They have been disgraceful in triumphs and worse in defeats. Like America, they top the hate-list outside Down Under. Preparing a rap-chart, where India and Sourav Ganguly top the team and individual lists, is an exercise in futility.

For quite a while, Australia has been so unflinching in its single-minded persuasion of the one-point agenda of success that it sacrificed everything else – grace, niceties, sportsmanship – at its altar.

Reared up on a perverse notion that skill alone may not be enough to ensure success, the Australians have been schooled to be crook. Sledging is considered a necessity and grip over a filthy vocabulary has been made to look as important as gripping the ball.

Unfortunately for the game, Australia is the hideous face of cricket. It’s rather an irony that cricket has a team at the top that stands for everything that goes against the very spirit of the game.

Alas, Australia is not aware of the kind of cricket it has been practicing and preaching. Now if they decided to play it the way they wanted, I would have no business criticizing them. But what worries me is the fact that the disease if contagious. Frustrated at Australia’s America-like hegemony, countries like India are trying to blindly ape them, bringing a smug smile to Australia’s face. After all, imitation is the best form of compliment. Therein lies the danger for the game.

Image: Getty Images

Menace in White?

Detractors in the sub-continent -- and you are tempted to side with them -- call Bucknor a 'Coconut'. The complexion is misleading, for he’s white inside.

While such comments tantamount to racism, the truth is that the trigger-happy Man in White has been a Menace in White and he often rubbed the sub-continent the wrong way by his erratic index finger.

Only Greg Chappell boasts of a more heinous finger – he preferred middle over the index.

It’s indeed a pity that the formerly affable Jamaican would go down to cricket’s annals as the pathetic soul who presided over the outrageously chaotic end to the 2007 World Cup final and how the mere sight of an Indian batsman often prompted him to point upwards.

Even at his best, Bucknor was not among the fastest decision-makers. By the time he raised his finger, the bowler had often returned to his mark and the relieved batsman would have taken guard for the next delivery.

At times, he made decisions dubious enough to give you the impression that it pertained to the previous match he had officiated in.

Well, to err is probably human but Bucknor’s amazing consistency is asinine. These days he looks a man out to erode his own stature as one of the longest serving officials in the game’s history.

And while India can legitimately claim to be at the receiving end of his goof-ups, I think the two worst victims of his tragedy of errors are Bucknor himself and the game of cricket.

Image

Accommodating Yuvi, but at what cost?

Well, like most, I too sympathised with Yuvraj Singh. I mean what else you wanted him to do for a place in the Test team? Considering his red hot form, denying him a Test berth bordered on felony.

So when the team was rejigged and Yuvi was accommodated, I too felt justice was finally delivered. But now that the India-Australia series is into the second Test, I’m afraid, it was an exercise we should have rather refrained from and my view has nothing to do with Yuvraj’s scores in Melbourne.

To start with, just to accommodate Yuvi, the entire line-up was tinkered with. Rahul Dravid has been our best bet at number three – he would walk in any Test side on an any given day – and we have made him to open the innings! And hats off to the ‘The Wall’, who did not allow his personal preference override team interest.

Those who panned Dravid for rivaling snail with his strike rate, conveniently turned a blind eye to his commitment to the team. Never mind the scores and the run rates, hats off Jammy.

And see what Yuvraj’s inclusion has done to the team. Dravid struggling in his makeshift opener’s role meant we never had the momentum going and I doubt it also affected Yuvraj’s show.

In Melbourne, he walked out under tremendous pressure. He was aware that if the batting order looked jumbled up, it was just to accommodate him. So if his shoulders looked dropped whenever he took guard, it did not surprise me, for here was a man burdened with a sense of guilt at being the reason for the change in the status quo that did not suit the side.

Yuvraj is aware that Dravid has been pushed out of his comfort zone just to allow the team of affording the luxury of having him in the side. That puts Yuvraj too under additional pressure to perform and so if he lingered in the crease after ruled out in both the innings of the Melbourne Test, I was not exactly surprised.

The moot question is accommodating Yuvi is understandable, but at what cost? No individual should be bigger than the team interest. I somehow feel, Dravid has as much right to stick to his number three slot as much Yuvraj has to demand a Test cap. But team interest should have been the guiding principle for the think-tank. It’s harsh on Yuvi but I think he can wait.

Image

Doosra Annual Award

Considering the year that has gone by, or going by, Doosra decided to have its own annual award ceremony. And as usual, Doosra is open to suggestions.

The Hate-Pyjama-Uderwear-Etc. Society Man the Year: VVS Laxman

The Peter Pan Scroll: Sachin Tendulkar

The Albert Pinto Memorial Angry Youngman of the Year: S Sreesanth

The Albert Pinto Memorial Angry Not-So-Youngman of the Year: Dilip Vengsarkar:

The Jimmy Amarnath Comeback Kid Award: Sourav Ganguly

The Say-No-To-Haircut Society Man of the Year: MS Dhoni

The Annual Me-Too Award: Joginder Singh

The BLTN (Better Late Than Never) Medallion & special award from NMFF (Nice-Man-Finishes-First) Circle: Anil Kumble

I-Look-Clown-With-A-Crown Citation: Rahul Dravid

Got-Pyjama-Want-Flannel Shield: Yuvraj Singh

Hail-Brinkmanship Fellowship: Sharad Pawar

Discovery-of-the-Year: Gary Kirsten

English-Molestation Community’s Person of the Year & Funny-Bone-On-Legs medal: Niranjan Shah

Annual Gone-With-The-Wind Award & Sunk-Without-Trace Statuette: Greg Chappell

Mint-in-Suit Award: Lalit Modi

Pariah-of-the-Year: Jagmohan Dalmiya

Emperor-Struck Rolling Trophy: Kapil Dev

The David-Whose-Sling-Is-In Goliath’s-Hands Award: Subhash Chandra

God-of-Small-Things Rolling Trophy: Indian cricket team (shorter the format, better they do).

Indian Cricket, The Musical

As Indian cricket survives yet another year of intrigue, high and low, what better way than to celebrate it with music? Let’s see which song was on whose lip…

Greg Chappell: Teri Duniya Se Ho ke Majboor Chala…

Sourav Ganguly: Kyun Aaj Kal Nind Kam Khwab Zyada Hai…

Rahul Dravid: Yeh Daulat Bhi Le Lo, Yeh Shohrat Bhi Le Lo…

Sachin Tendulkar: Abhi To Mein Jawan Hu…

Anil Kumble: Aapka Khat Mila, Shukriya Shukriya…

Gary Kirsten: Mai Tera Dar Pe Aya Hu, Kuch Karke Jaunga…

MS Dhoni: Yeh Chand Sa Roshan Chehra, Zulfo Ke Rang Sunehra…

Virender Sehwag: Hum Se Ka Bhool Hui Jo Ye Saza Hamka Mili…

And finally BCCI. Well, they stuck to their theme song… “Baap Se Bada Rupaiya…”

Poor Business, Mr Modi

I think I owe an apology to friends, who were, I guess, sick of listening time and again that Lalit Modi was BCCI’s Man with the Midas Touch. He was a bad investment as far as my hopes are concerned.

I thought this suave, bespectacled, though cocky, Mumbai-based Rajasthan Cricket Association supremo was a mastermind, conceiving one after another marketing ploy to fill in the BCCI coffers.

I thought, he was about to prove himself even better than the man he uprooted in a BCCI coup. It was no mean achievement toppling Jagmohan Dalmiya, who had everyone in the pocket of his safari suit as he ran the Board from his suitcase. Though I was apprehensive if anyone in the new regime could match the wily Kolkata-based Marwari’s business acumen, Modi sort of impressed me.

But my trust proved misplaced. So blind in his effort to take the wind out of Subhas Chandra’s ICL sail, Modi shelled out hell lot of money to rope in the Australians, who would make a fortune even though they would NOT play a single match of the Indian Premier League! Naturally, Ricky Ponting & Co can’t laugh enough.

About 10-12 Aussies would NOT be in a position to play in IPL FOR THE NEXT TWO YEARS because of their international commitment and they would still retain 10 per cent of their fee!

In other words, players like Ponting and Clarke would pocket $100,000 each just lending their name to IPL!

Poor investment by Modi and his comrades in the IPL Governing Council. He has looked like a spoilt child of a millionaire (well he actually is!) who’s on an acquiring spree even though he has no clue whether it’s worth it or not. Again, he actually is so, a failure within a family that owns the Modi Entertainment.

But what really upsets me is that Modi is NOT the pennywise mastermind, the dapper-dollar-dude, the money-minting-machine that he pretends to be. On the contrary, he proved a poor businessman, who ventured and invested in an area without any vision. In fact since Modi & Co took over, all the BCCI deals ran into problems and BCCI has spent half the time in troubleshooting.

I’m not sure whether the money BCCI earns can be called public money. Else, it could have been a huge scam, I guess.

Image: AFP

Sorry Colonel But You Erred

Why is it so that logic is often the first casualty whenever you see something happening in Indian cricket? Weird are the ways BCCI function, no question about that. But to give devils -- or devils in this case -- its due, Dilip Vengsarkar & Co had done a reasonably well job when it came to team selection!

Then all of a sudden, why did the Colonel lose his sanity, tore apart the list of probables he himself had prepared a few days earlier and brought back a certain Virender Sehwag out of nowhere and for no obvious reasons? Or is it that his stand-off with the Board on writing columns has robbed him off his common sense?

Maybe Sehwag would come good Down Under, maybe he won’t. To be honest, I have my doubts. Sorry Colonel, but I think gremlins have crept into the machine. At a time when domestic trundlers continue to harass him on the most docile of tracks under the Sun, you have to be outrageously optimistic to expect him to come good in Australia.

But, whether he shines or flops, my primary objection is with the way he has been pitchforked out of nowhere. If you want to fill the Australia-bound plane with whoever you deem good enough, why this farce of announcing a long list of probables beforehand?

Eerily, this utter disregard to a system put in place by themselves seems in vogue in BCCI these days. Remember how they sought applications from all and sundry for the coach’s job only to announce later that Graham Ford and John Emburey have been invited for interview?

Again, hours before Gary Kirsten arrived in Delhi for his interview, BCCI secretary Niranjan Shah told – he told yours truly in a city hotel– that the Board would zero in only on those names who had applied for the job. No prize for guessing that Kirsten was NOT among the applicants and see he’s set to take over the coaching reins!

My heart bleeds for the like of Aakash Chopra. Runs have been flowing from his blade and many still fondly remember how he thwarted the Oz attack at their den. Compare it to Sehwag’s scores in domestic matches since he was dropped -- 16, 0, 9, 32 and 9.

Did Colonel showed the courtesy to reach out for his cell and make a call to Aakash and tell him sorry? My fear, he did not.

Image