Gary Kirsten's Ten Commandments

So Gary Kirsten takes over Team India’s coaching reins. First of all, he deserves a pat for showing the guts and taking over what is arguably the toughest assignment in the world of sport. Remember how it left Graham Ford shaking in his boots and never returning again?

Well, though Kirsten apparently has not coached any team yet, I’m ready to give him a chance and here are his TEN COMMANDMENTS that would stand him in good stead.

1. Handle Stars With Care: This is going to be Gary’s real test. A team teeming with prima donnas, with fragile ego needs careful handling. Accept the fact that Tendulkar-Ganguly-Dravid-Kumble have an aura about themselves and don’t equate them with, say a Wasim Jaffer and Dinesh Karthick. Make Yuvraj Singh believe that his turn would come soon and he should not feel hurt about losing ODI captaincy to Dhoni. Pamper him, for the team needs him.

2. Blood Young Turks: While pampering the stars, make sure you don’t end up making them feel like second class citizen. Motivate them and convince them that the seniors are in the twilight of their career and they should prepare themselves to step into those shoes.

3. Shun Newspapers and News Channels: Read business daily only, keep a tab on the bullish stock market and if you wish, invest part of your package there. Don’t worry, you won’t lose anything. But reading newspapers or watching news channel is a strictly no-no. Else, sanity would be hit for a six.

4. Columns Only Confuse: Don’t heed to what former players write in their columns. Get it right, they get paid for writing nothing, mostly it’s ghost-written. And all of them have an agenda. It would only increase the confusion. Be polite to them but don’t lend your ear.

5. No Day Dreaming Please, We’re Indians: If the BCCI brief says you are just in charge of a squad, t can’t be more misleading. Gary, you have put yourself at the mercy of a volatile cricket-crazy populace that would garland and guillotine you with the same passion. So sound realistic, avoid making tall promises and don’t encourage day dreaming. We have miles to go before we can dream of catching up with Australia. Aspiring to be the second best sounds pragmatic.

6. Don’t Exceed Brief: A crucial survival mantra. Get it right, you are not the pill that would kill all the ills that plague Indian cricket. You are not here to overhaul the system. Your job is to make the best use of it, and at best, suggest changes that would suit us. Any deviation and you have Greg Chappell waiting in Jaipur to tell you how badly it hits you.

7. Don’t Impose Things: The players are essentially Indians, not South African players in Indian bodies. Don’t try to force them into becoming Jonty Rhodes overnight. You have a heterogeneous group at your disposal, be patient and seek co-operation before introducing anything new. Accept that you can’t make much difference to Ganguly’s fitness level. Just make sure his bat keeps talking. Don’t impose things, else…well you know Chappell’s number.

8. Retain the Support Staff: Retain Prasad (bowling coach) and Robin Singh (fielding coach). Don’t ape Chappell and make it an excuse for generating employment for your friends. Already you have recruited Paddy Upton. Having Indian support staff also ensures you get the right translations of the abuses hurled at you by the players.

9. Pick Up Bit of Hindi: Well, nothing pleases us more than distorted Hindi words from foreign tongue. For starter, greet people with a NAMASTHAY. If you don’t believe me, ask...not Chappell but fellow Australian Brett Lee, who has made a fortune by now.

10. Keep A Copy of ‘Indian Summers’: This is a must. Read it carefully and you know what it takes to be a successful coach of the Indian team. Call him meek, timid, browbeaten…Wright loved India and India loves him. Chappell was too cocky to understand that and he promptly vanished into wilderness, well almost so.

All the best Gary.

Image: Getty Images

Shoaib Akhtar: From Tantrum Thrower To Team Man

Even George W Bush making an air dash to a hideout in Afghanistan (or is it Pakistan!) to bury the hatchet and embrace Osama Bin Laden – provided the latter has survived the carpet bombing – seemed a possibility.

But place your hand on your heart and say, did you ever expect this? Well, bye bye Pakistan’s prankster-in-chief, champion tantrum-thrower and welcome Shoaib Akhtar, the perfect team man.

I remember Sourav Ganguly – his head did not resemble a sub-continent pitch those pre-Chappell days – revealing in a TV show about his interaction with Inzamam. According to Ganguly, Inzi rued that tackling the unruly Shoaib used to sap half his energy.

Considering that, Inzi surely did a great job as a half-captain, isn’t it?

Well those are things of past. Things have changed and see how. I was rubbing my eyes in disbelief ever since Shoaib arrived for the ongoing tour. He looked a completely different man, almost an imposter in his guise.

The only giveaway was snaps of his nocturnal lifestyle across the Indian metros.

The mean, menacing look has paved way for a refreshing smile. He looked a man completely at peace with himself and it just could not have been better for Pakistan cricket.

While much has been talked about his playing in the Kolkata Test despite not being at the peak of his fitness, the “Rawalpindi Express” revealed it was his call to play in the important tie.

And I am glad I took that decision. It was important for me to send out the message — that I was there for Pakistan.

Coming from Shoaib, you had to read it twice before convincing yourself there is no dropped word or wrong attribution.

But to be honest, Shoaib showed a lion’s heart. Consider you being lying in the hospital bed with chest infection and then going through all the pain just to make yourself available for the team’s cause.

He was seen coughing, puffing at inhalers and going through the pain, just to ensure that he can be there to spearhead a depleted attack against a formidable batting line-up on a hopeless Eden track.

It was a stark contrast to the Shoaib of the past. The narcissist speedster, who was so seduced by the speedgun that he did not hesitate to send team interest for a toss on so many occasions.

Driven by the sole object of establishing himself as the fastest leather-flinger, and just that, he stubbornly refused the then coach Bob Woolmer’s -- may his soul rest in peace – repeated requests to cut down his spectacularly prolonged run-up, which often resulted in slow over-rates.

That Shoaib had started to change, and change for good, was evident in the ODI series during which the pacer was seen bowling with a shortened run-up, on his namesake captain’s request.

Well, whatever may have been the vices, I think Pakistan’s favourite whipping boy finally deserves a pat on the back for the metamorphosis.

I doubt, Shoaib probably realizes that at the fag end of his rollercoaster career, he can’t afford to throw tantrums and play pranks to be sent into wilderness. At 32, a comeback after a forced hiatus is just not possible for a pacer. It’s just too late to risk his career, whatever maybe the provocation.

And Pakistan cricket can consider itself fortunate that its erratic profligate son regained sanity just in time.

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Gary Kirsten the next Team India coach?

Going by reports, Gary Kirsten – the South African southpaw who looked older than his age because of his bald look – could well be the next Team India coach.

Apparently, Kirsten, who runs a coaching academy, flew down to India where he was interviewed by Sunil Gavaskar and Ravi Shastri – two important members of the BCCI coach Selection Committee.

Kirsten also met Sharad Pawar and Anil Kumble.

And yes, BCCI is also in touch with John Buchanan too.

A final decision will be taken on a December 1 meeting in Kolkata, according to BCCI Vice President Rajeev Shukla.

Since Greg Chappell left, India are without a full-time coach. Chandu Borde (UK), Ravi Shastri (Bangladesh) and Lalchand Rajput (Twenty20 World Cup, Australia and Pakistan series) has been roped in as stop-gap managers at different times.

Among those who have applied for the job are Former stumper and Maharashtra coach Chandrakant Pandit, ex-head of the Queensland Academy of Excellence Richard Done, Leicestershire coach Tim Boon, former Australia and South Africa player Kepler Wessels, Queensland coach Terry Oliver, Canterbury coach Dave Nosworthy and ex-New Zealand captain Martin Crowe.

BCCI had a meeting in New Delhi on Monday and I was there for the briefing. BCCI Secretary Niranjan Shah had the following to say no this issue.

Q. How many people have applied for the coach’s job?

Shah: we’ve received some 20-22 applications.

Q. Would you look beyond the list and invite anyone, in case you are not satisfied with the names you have at your disposal?

Shah: No way. We would not invite anyone. The Board is not going to give undue importance to any individual. (Remember, how BCCI ended up with eggs all over its face when they invited Graham Ford and the Kent guy backed out in the eleventh hour?). We would zero in on the applications we have.

Q. The Coach Selection Committee could not meet twice in the past. When are you people going to meet?

Shah: See, it’s not necessary to meet, we can share views via teleconference too. Anyway, be assured, you would get to see a new coach before the Australia tour.)

(P.S. Plz bear with my being irregular at times. I have been covering part of the India-Pakistan series – the ODIs in Kanpur and Jaipur and the Delhi Test. With no more assignments for me, hope to be more consistent in the coming days.)

Chappell at it again!

Greg Chappell surely has a nuisance value. To be honest, it’s quite tempting to blame him for everything that has been going wrong around -- be it the emergency in Pakistan, bloodbath in Nandigram, crisis in Karnataka, Nuke deal stalemate…

Chappell’s two-year stint with Team India was more about mudslinging and muckraking than managing the side and as the incorrigible rabble-rouser proved again, old habits die hard.

So first came allegations that he was subjected to racial attack with an ugly manifestation in Bhubaneshwar airport where a Biranchi Maharana, member of a fringe political outfit in Orissa, slapped Chappell just over his right ear earlier this year.

Chappell went even further and in an ABC documentary, to be screened next week, he lashed out at the BCCI for allegedly trying to sweep the issue under the carpet.

While we were wondering how similar Chappell sounds to Andrew Symmonds, Chappell did a volte-face, playing down the issue. He did not went that far to disown the statement – it’s caught on camera after all – but played down, saying he spoke all these stuff in an “emotional moment”.

It was a very emotional time when I made these remarks. It's a long way back and I'd like to talk about other things now. I'm looking forward to being involved with the Rajasthan Cricket Academy for the next three years, Chappell said.

Having burnt fingers with his first international assignment and spoiled many a career, Chappell is smart enough to realize that other boards would steer clear of him and he just can’t afford to antagonize India if he has to make both ends meet.

In the April 11, 2007 post, I had talked about neologism and ‘Shit Midas’. Indeed, whatever Chappell laid his fingers on, it turned shit. We can only pray for the boys in the academy.

Image: AFP

Shah Rukh to buy IPL team, no hope for Tendulkar

Well, Russell “Gladiator” Crowe is not the lone actor, who is bidding to buy a team for next year’s Indian Premier League (IPL). According to reports, Shah Rukh “Chak De” Khan is among 90 people who have made a beeline to buy a franchise in the BCCI-conceived, ICC-backed Twenty20 extravaganza.

And media reports also claimed that Kishore Biyani’s Future Group was in talks with Sachin Tendulkar to convince for a joint bid to buy the Mumbai team. BCCI, however, has scuttled the move, making it clear that it won’t allow any of the current players to have stake in any of the teams.

Meanwhile, England-based industrialist Lord Swaraj Paul is reportedly interested to buy a team, as are liquour baron Vijay Mallya and Anil Ambani. English Premier League, some guys from the American National Basketball Association, couple of foreign banks and handful of investment bankers also harbour the same hope.

Naturally, BCCI Vice President Lalit Modi, mastermind behind the IPL, is sporting an ear-to-ear smile these days. Modi maybe a sworn enemy of Jagmohan Dalmiya but much like the wily Marwari from Kolkata, this firebrand BCCI official surely knows how to mint money.

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Kapil, Vengsarkar, Bedi in Lord’s Hall of Fame

As the Marylebone Cricket Club (MCC), guardian of the game’s law, decides to doff its hat at Indian cricket, which is celebrating its 75th year, the trio of Bishan Singh Bedi, Kapil Dev and Dilip Vengsarkar is set to adorn the gallery at cricket’s spiritual home at the Lord’s.

Vengsarkar, busy these days hunting for India’s next Test captain, managed to take time off to pose for his portrait, while Kapil – at the receiving end of BCCI’s wrath for siding with the rebel Indian Cricket League (ICL) – too allowed himself to be captured on canvas, as did Bedi, one of the most acerbic tongues around.

Lord’s has proved a happy hunting ground for all of them. Vengsarkar has lorded over at Lord’s, hitting three successive centuries on the ‘Mecca of Cricket’ – first non-English player to do so. Bedi too had a six-wicket haul there while Kapil led his Devils to India’s lone World Cup – well, I mean 50-50 cricket – triumph there in 1983.

Image: Times Now

Well done Little Master!

Sachin Tendulkar turning down Test captaincy has come as a shock for some, most to be precise. In my case, it was his early willingness to burn his finger again that seemed baffling. But finally, good sense prevailed and Tendulkar has opted out, clearing the decks for MS Dhoni’s anointment as the Test captain as well.

Sachin probably realizes that at 34, he is not getting younger anymore. His almost puerile joy remains intact but it can’t mask the creaky bones, stiff muscles, slowing reflex and failing anticipation. The wears and tears of nearly two decades of rigorous cricket is enough to numb the senses and maim the body and it’s just because of sheer discipline and athleticism that Sachin has managed to minimize the damage – a tennis elbow, a shoulder operation and couple of nips and tucks here and there were inevitable after all.

So at this age and stage, cricket is more played in the mind than the 22-yard. And when the body is no more what it was in the early 1990s, it’s the mind –with the cushion of having a vast reservoir of experience to dig in – that guides him.

Test captaincy would have meant risking the aura, at least part of it, he acquired by dint of his batting. The mind would be pre-occupied with the team’s welfare with a level of accountability that is absent when you are in the squad merely as a player.

Once you are the captain, you volunteer yourself to intense, even inane, media scrutiny and public dissection – be it the toss, bowling changes, field setting, batting order, declaration or imposing or not imposing follow-ons.

Sachin, clearly in the final lap of an illustrious career, can’t afford to court the risk. Come on, he has far outgrown the role of captaincy and why should he put his reputation at stake?

Of course he was game for yet another go at the top job after burning his fingers in the past. But thankfully for him, desire was not allowed to get the better of common sense and Sachin realized what is good for him.

Besides, being the kingmaker has its own charm. Sachin suggested a younger captain – read MS Dhoni – but knows it well that be it Dhoni or anyone else, there would be cases when even the skipper would listen to him.

Being the King would have surely fetched him the crown but along with it comes the thorns. In contrast, Kingmakers enjoy the authority but have none of the accountabilities that come with the job. Your head is not perennially on the chopping block; no need to drag yourself to hostile press conference where questions are virile vitriol; and you are spared of the disappointment of feeling let down by one of your teammates.

The lure of being the Test captain did sway Sachin but he eventually managed to survive the test and turning down the Test captaincy was clearly yet another masterstroke from the Little Master.

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