You know Champions League was a dud when...

1. Billy Doctrove has to dance on-camera, in tunnel;

2. Delhi Daredevils discern they require Owais Shah more than David Warner;

3. Ian Chappell needs to borrow a Chunri before entering the commentary box;

4. Dhoni appears only in between overs and there too is outsmarted by fishermen's kids;

5. Nobody gives a customary damn about Indian culture and the attack it faces from the proximity of the neckline and hemline of the Mischief Gals;

6. Andrew Symonds slips into an ill-fitting Sherwani when a snug straitjacket would have met the case;

and finally

7. Even a Marcus Trescothick gets so bored that he springs a convenient alibi to return home and air his dog.

(P.S. Doosra never practised or preached chest-thumping, considering it's best left to the non-OBE Gorillas in general and a certain OBE Guy the Gorilla in particular. But the fact remains that Doosra has grown enough in stature to invite a fatwa in the past from an eminent Australian panel that had Shane Warne puffing in one corner!

Doosra's list of eminent readers doesn't end there. It gave me goose bumps to know that Ricky Ponting, the patron saint of Ind-Oz bonhomie, is not only an avid reader of the blog but also a sympathizer of my struggle while putting together the seven-pointers like the one above. I'm indebted to Ponting for saying seven is too many.

P.P.S News just filtered in that moved by the Doosra post Cricket Loses Masculinity, Cricket Australia is urging youngsters to grow moustaches!)

Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

Heroes need not necessarily come with a cape and undies on the outside. Some come in borrowed shirt and hamburger-stained pullover. Had Graeme Smith done a Ganguly, only then you could know whether his vest had an S sign on it.

Mickey Arthur yesterday said he would need a chain to hold Smith back. He naturally didn’t find one.

Steyn is gone and match is in bag. At least Australia thought so before Smith emerged from the blurred sea of heads, clutching the bat and walking down as every soul and every blade of the grass at SCG bowed their head.

Ponting’s men could not believe it. Neither could those present in SCG or the ones glued to their TV sets far away in Durban and Delhi, Cape Town and Kolkata, Pretoria and Patna.

Poor Hayden. He was still in a trance when the Ntini edged slipped through his butter-fingers.

Smith survived ball after ball and his aura grew big with every delivery. An exasperated Ian Chappell screamed “I can’t believe they haven’t tried a bouncer at him…Sentiments count for a little”. You could feel he was really aghast.

But not all Australians are potential cold-blooded murderers. Surprisingly, most don’t have horns on head and a tail somewhere tucked inside! They rather come across as completely normal, even emotional, human being with a striking ability to appreciate things which are good!

I’m sorry but by and large, pretentious cricketers have been poor ambassadors of the country.

On their feet clapping for Smith, the Australian WAGs too seemed to have a rather decent understanding of the game. Way better than their English counterparts with no qualms about bouncing on the knees of a tacky Texan billionaire.

Otherwise the Grandpa of Grandiosity, Nevil Cardus’ rare moment of understatement is - scoreboard is an ass. I’m convinced, it’s an outright liar too.

Pix: PA Sports

Opt Out Before You Are Thrown Out: Ian Chappell tells Tendulkar

At times, you can’t do away with the clichés. And one goes – your retirement should be timed in such a way that people should ask WHY? And not WHY NOT!

Post-World Cup, Ian Chappell just told the same to Sachin Tendulkar.

Chapelli risks earning a 1.1 billion – that’s India’s population – enemies overnight. The former Aussie captain has told Tendulkar in clear terms that he’s been reduced to a caricature of his former self and it's time to consider hanging up his boots.

“Before anybody else makes a decision on what will happen to Tendulkar the player himself has to have a good long look in the mirror and decide what he’s trying to achieve in the game,” said Chappell, one of the sane voices in the highly volatile cricket world.

So far, some discerning people have been discussing it in the privacy of their drawing room. Even die-hard fans were praying he goes head held high and not hanging his head in shame.

Kapil once incurred the nation’s wrath when he mouthed the bitter truth that Sachin is past his prime and the “Haryana Hurricane” hinted it was time to go. Kapil, who himself hanged on to the scene for too long just for the sake of a record, may not have the moral high ground to preach so, but then he was probably sharing his experience.

Chappell goes on to draw an interesting parallel between Tendulkar and Brian Lara and says why the West Indian batting great, despite being four years senior to our Little Champion, remains a shining star.

Lara has managed to steer clear of major injuries and even after 17 years in the business, has remained more or less in his approach to the game. Sachin, on the other hand, had to mould himself to ensure his approach dovetails with his ageing body. Sachin has been -- to us, at times -- larger than the game itself but Chappelli surely has a point.

"If Tendulkar had found an honest mirror three years ago and asked the question; 'Mirror, mirror on the wall who is the best batsman of all?'
It would’ve answered; 'Brian Charles Lara.'

If he asked that same mirror right now; 'Mirror, mirror on the wall should I retire?'

The answer would be; 'Yes.'