Order of the Put Before Disorder

Australia is shrinking but environment activists need not disrobe or/and demonstrate. This is strictly about Australian representation at Indian Premier League II.

Epitome of larrikin patriotism Ricky Ponting put Country before IPL and summarily booked himself a Companion of the Order of Australia medallion. This was the precise the provocation behind putting together a list of seven other cricketers who put something before some other thing in recent past.

Sample what comes first for whom.

1. Mohd ‘Yo-Yo’ Yousuf: Put Christianity before Islam, Islam before Christianity, ICL before Pakistan, IPL before ICL, ICL before IPL, Pakistan before ICL…to be continued.

2. Brad ‘Machiavelli’ Haddin: Put gloves before stumps.

3. Michael ‘Love-struck’ Clarke: Pre-vice captaincy, put ailing father-in-law before team; post-vice captaincy, put team before marriage. Pup skipped IPL I to be with ailing Pop-in-Law and now cricket commitment puts his marriage with Lara Bingle on hold.

4. Allen ‘Fraud’ Stanford: Put himself before law. Now he comes first, followed by Vijay Singh, Michael Owen, Kevin Pietersen, ECB, WICB and FBI sleuthhounds.

5. Bryce ‘Sleepy’ McGain: Put a sound sleep before a cricket tour and missed the flight to South Africa. What else you expected from someone who knew Australia had sleepless nights ahead?

6. Andrew ‘Fredalo’ Flintoff: Uncannily, he too preferred a nap before a tour and almost missed England’s flight to the Windies. Doosra is told it was part of his preparation for the tour. The nocturnal booze cruise in the Caribbeans to be precise.

7. Mitchell ‘Cupid’ Johnson: Put girl friend before Queensland. ‘Midge’ dumped Queensland and moved to Western Australia to be with his lady love Jessica Bratich. Jessica being the national karate champion, it’s not known whether Midge did it under duress.

(P.S. Doosra takes a nine-day break, solely because it's my last chance to dissuade my parents from completely disowning their unworthy son. So friends, Roman and countrymen, make the most of my absence, enjoy every nano-second of it before I return and hit back with vengeance. See you all. Happy blogging)

Dale Steyn, Steve Irwin reincarnated

Not that I liked Steve Irwin. It's not because I champion crocodiles' right to privacy so blatantly breached, on-camera, by the motormouth Croc Hunter in his pomp. Germaine Greer had a problem with that (a must-read piece for whoever cares for nature) and she clearly didn't shed crocodile tears after a stingray – otherwise as harmless as Ajantha Mendis has been to India in the recent ODI series - stung Steve to death.

I was rather more haunted by a photo of a number of mutilated stingrays scattered on a Queensland beach, a backlash by the Croc Hunter's admirers.

The only thing I remember about Steve's wife Terri is that she once invited Britney Spears to join her and her daughter in some Australian bush to get over the multiple personality disorder that was troubling the pop star.

Their daughter Bindi, like her father, proved a smart kid and effortlessly stepped into Steve’s shoes to become a celebrity TV show host. Much to Michael Clarke's chagrin, the showbiz prodigy went on to replace Pup's girl friend Lara Bingle as the new face for Australian Tourism!

The only more precocious child I can think of is Alfie Patten, who became a father at 13 somewhere in East Sussex last week.

Well, before the foreword gets bigger than the book itself, let me announce that legions of Croc Hunter fans can now rejoice.

Confirmation comes that Dale Steyn is actually Steve Irwin reincarnated.

When the rest of the world was deriving sadistic pleasure from Australia's misery, Steyn felt he didn't have time to waste. And what better way to prepare for a home series against Australia than wrestling with crocodiles?

Pix: Getty Images

Of liver cancer, stupid cupid and Knight Riders

Sourav Ganguly can’t be faulted if he looks a sulking misanthrope. And as if the Kolkata Knight Riders didn’t have problem enough.

Already depleted by the exit of Ricky Ponting (so what if he forgot to put bat to ball) and Brendon McCullum (so what if he sizzled only to fizzle subsequently), Shahrukh Khan and Ganguly hurriedly roped in Brad Hodge for his well-documented Twenty20 prowess. But call it quirk of fate, the hitherto-out-of-favour Hodge also gets an SOS to forget IPL and join the Australian squad in West Indies as shadow for a cupid-struck Michael Clarke.

Reports say though Clarke’s father is fighting Hodgkin's disease, it’s the condition of his fiancée Lara Bingle’s father, who is battling a liver cancer, that prompted the Australian vice captain to stay back. Well, while that may fetch Clarke a nomination for the inaugural ICC Lover of the Year 2008 award, I doubt it does not win him a friend in Ganguly.

Tourism Australia had Lara as its face till the slew of scandals forced them to replace her with Croc-Hunter Steve Irwin’s daughter Bindi. Lara featured in the 2006 campaign “So where the bloody hell are you?”

Ganguly was last seen wielding his bat and searching for the stupid cupid, mouthing the line he borrowed from the campaign.

Image