Sangakkara Sr: Typical Subcontinent Dad

"Never reached that level...leaden-footed."

"I wouldn't call Kumar a natural talent."

"Kumar could have done better."

"...did he achieve his true potential? I don't think so."

When the world of cricket was going gaga over a retiring Kumar Sangakkara, these are some of the remarks his father made in this incredible interview.

But then Sangakkara Sr is a typical parent from the subcontinent, a species social scientists have termed as the most difficult to please.

Below is how parents of some of the greatest human beings would have reacted had they been from the subcontinent:

1) Mrs Archimedes: Poor Archie, I don't know what will happen to him. Today he is deriving Archimedes' principle, tomorrow he is inventing a screw and the next day he is reflecting sunlight in mirror and burning Roman ships. Physics, mathematics, astronony, engineering ... I just wish he were a regular boy and focused on one single subject. Also, his dad was mighty upset after Leo ran naked on the street screaming "Eureka". Neighbours won't talk to us now, such a scandal!

2) Olympias: You know, Alexander was such a cute boy and both Philip and I wanted him to steer clear of this war business. We wanted him to crack the admission test for Plato's Academy and got him the best private tutor in Aristotle too. But guess he got into wrong company and set out on conquering the world. This new generation, I tell you...

3) Da Vinci Sr: When I look back, I feel rather sad for Leo. He could have straddled the worlds of arts and sciences like no one has but he finished half the polymath he could be. Remember, he was ambidextrous, which means the output would have been double had he been a little more serious. But then he has always been casual about career and then started chasing this Mona Lisa girl...

4) Mozart Sr: Johan, I mean Wolfgang, started composing when he was five, which means he was already running five years behind! You have to start music early, preferably when you are in your mother's womb, if you ask me. Also he never made it to the second round of Zee TV "Sa Re Ga Ma Pa".

5) Mrs Newton: Isaac sadly fell for the low-hanging fruit in that famous apple incident. I mean he did formulate the Theory of Gravitation, while failing to come up with what could have been the first authentic apple-pie recipe. There was no hurry for the Theory of Gravitation, but humanity had to wait a real long time before a decent apple-pie recipe came along.

6) Einstein Sr: I think Albert won a Nobel or something in Physics, that's what his mom told me. Poor under-achiever, should have won an Oscar as well but was was too lazy to capitalise on his friendship with Charlie Chaplin and learn from him before foraying into Hollywood.

7) Mrs Armstrong: Yes, Neil did become the first man on moon and all that but guess what? He forgot to bring a fridge magnet for the family! He has always been careless like this you know. When he was seven, he once ... When will you grow up Neil?

If Not A Cricketer...

...Sachin Tendulkar would have been Albert Einstein!

And it does not take rocket science or any theory of relativity to figure out why.

If you correctly recall Tendulkar in his early days and compare his mop on top with that of the Nobel Laureate, the first thing that strikes you is their common gravity-defying streak!

So there you realize, the inkling was there and pretty early too. It's only that we missed the point.

Peep into their private life and there they come, walking down the aisle with elderly ladies. As a footnote, Einstein scored over Tendulkar, doing an encore subsequently.

Let's get into serious business.

Einstein propounded E = mc2. Tendulkar's riposte was a solid T20 = Dessert, an equally revolutionary formula with a gastronomic tinge about it.

Einstein was considered a science icon but Tendulkar does not lag behind either.

In fact, Tendulkar is a certified Mumbai Indians icon and the attestation was done by none other than Lalit Modi, the then master of the T20 universe.

And if you still insist on similarities, here goes the clincher.

If Einstein is the Father of Modern Physics, Tendulkar is...well...father of two.

Now that should settle the issue once and for all.

P.S. Those who prefer it the other way round, read If Paris Hilton Been a Cricketer and Had Harry Potter Been A Cricketer elsewhere at BCC!.

(A reproduction of a September 11, 2009 post)

Cartoon: toonpool.com

REVEALED: Ponting was King Pyrrhus in previous birth!

Was he Al Capone, a gangster beneath his Canary Yellow who frequented speakeasies and patronized moonshining?

Or was he Idi Amin, the self-anointed CBE (Conqueror of the British Empire) even though he lost Ashes?

High possibilities though these maybe, allow me to let the cat out of the bag and tell you that Ricky Ponting was King Pyrrhus in his previous life!

A little explanation would render it less outrageous.

Well, when you are a second cousin of Alexander the Great, you can’t help winning wars. It just happens.

But then Pyrrhus was not Alexander but his cousin, and second one at that. He won the Battle of Asculum alright but it was such a cliffhanger that cost him irreparable damage.

The poor guy was left to mutter that one more such victory would completely undo him. And unscrupulous phrase-coiners minted money out of his predicament, terming it ‘Pyrrhic victory’.

Now sample this.

Ponting won Vadodara but lost Brett Lee.

He won Mohali too and Peter Siddle and Moises Henriques fell by the wayside.

Had you been a particular insect of the Diptera order on the wall of the Oz dressing room, you could have eavesdropped Punter grumbling to someone “One more such victory and mate, I’d be undone.”

(P.S. Staying with the reincarnation theme, read why Tendulkar is actually Einstein re-born).

Pix: Getty Images