Bollywood: Lost In Translation!

This is one of those mindlessly stupid posts which any intelligent blogger would decline to be seen dead in the ditch with.

When Doosra eventually makes it really big, this is the kind of post critics would dig up and shake at the poor blog to embarrass it.

Fully aware of these scary consequences, Doosra still presents this collection of translated Bollywood dialogues, triggered by a Twitter hashtag.

1. Work-shy, anti-cereal ~ Kam ka na kaj ka dushman anaj ka;

2. Lateness? Maybe but no powercut in temple ~ Bhagwan ke ghar mein der hai andher nahi;

3. If you are Truman Jr, come to the fore ~ Asli mard ka bachcha hai to samne aa;

4. Mr Dagar, I still don’t accept a Rupee that keeps falling against Dollar ~ Dagar Saab, mai aaj bhi feke huye paise nahi uthata;

5. Stay alive girl. Milk-o, bathe-o, flower-o, fruit-o ~ Jeete raho beti. Dudho nahao phoolo phal-o.

6. Suicidal jackal is generally city-bound ~ Gidhad ka jab maut ata hai to who shehar ki taraf bhagta hai;

7. “I’ve consumed your salt, chief”. “Now bite the bullet!” ~ Sholay gem.

8. Lend me a hand, Thakur! ~ Sholay gem.

7 Teacher’s Day Tributes!

Teacher’s Day is probably the only occasion when you don't mind Navjot Singh Sidhu going "Oye chhaa gaya guru..."

Well, below is the collection of seven Teacher’s Day tributes:

1. Happy Teacher's Day ~ John Abraham to Mayawati's statue #expression;

2. Happy Teacher's Day ~ Michael Phelps to Bappi Lahiri. #gold;

3. Happy Teacher's Day ~ Tiger Woods to ND Tiwari. #sexcapades;

4. Happy Teacher's Day ~ Arnab Goswami to Durvasa. #outrage;

5. Happy Teacher's Day ~ Shakti Kapoor to Vladimir Nabokov. #Lolita

6. Happy Teacher's Day ~ Swami Agnivesh to Morarji Desai #swamutra

7. Happy Teacher's Day Guru Dronacharya. Mujh se cheating kar ke aapko kya mila? Thenga! ~ Ekalavya.

Neil Armstrong: Unknown Facts, Tributes and Jolie On Moon

Unknown Facts:

1. Neil Armstrong's actual first words after landing on moon ~ 'Itna sannata kyu hai bhai?"

2. Armstrong's wife used to pester him to take her along, singing this song: Chalo dildaar chalo chand ke paar chalo...

3. Swami Agnivesh wanted to replace Neil Armstrong in the mission, insisting he had one natural advantage – he generated his own drink;

4. The moon spacecraft was named Eagle because it was sponsored by Eagle Flasks;

5. Before President Nixon called him, Armstrong received another call - from a telemarketer trying to sell him a credit card;

6. Armstrong's wife was mighty upset that he didn't bring a fridge magnet from moon.
***

Stand-Out Tributes:

1. "RIP Neil Armstrong. Lingers on my mind that baffled look on your face when I escorted you on moon" ~ Madhura Honey;

2. "RIP Neil Armstrong. You have redefined cycling and remain a hero despite all allegations" ~ S M Krishna;
***

Finally, what would have been Angelina Jolie’s reaction had she been the first on Moon?

One small step for a woman, a giant lip for mankind.

India reacts to Laxman’s retirement: Doosra post from JAIL!

1. Harbhajan Singh: Sad, we should send Andrew Symonds to talk Laxman out of retirement. You know who drove sense back into Laxman in Ramayana, don’t you?

2. Virat Kohli: Sh*t Happens!

3. Shivpal Yadav: Laxman consulted me and I told him you can quit international cricket a bit but don't quit Ranji.

4. Madhura Honey aka Nagendra: Oh hell, I didn’t know he would quit. Else could have gatecrashed his press conference.

5. Sania Mirza: Another Hyderabadi has been used as a bait! It’s an insult to womanhood.

6. Anu Malik: I’m told Laxman has got a great Inner Voice. Can we have him in Indian Idol?

7. Manmohan Singh: Laxman’s retirement is a rumour with its origin somewhere in Pakistan and I appeal to people from northeast not to panic;

8. Arun Jaitley: People are missing the woods for the trees here. The real issue is there was a powercut during Laxman’s press conference and Congress is trying to use Laxman’s retirement as a ruse to divert our attention from a larger issue;

9. ..... finally the JAIL bit. Well, Doosra wanted Manata Banerjee’s view on the subject and had merely asked the harmless question : "Didi, how do you react to Laxman’s retirement?" Within seconds, one was frogmarched out of the house and into a jail, the location of which would be shared once known.

India's Post-Olympic Medals!

So the Mayor Dangling Ceremony, aka London Olympics, is finally behind us. Look over your shoulder and you still can see the blurred blob.

While countries such as US, China and the consortium called Great Britain prepare to exercise their global bragging rights, India returned with six medals from London.

Away from media glare, there was another medal giving ceremony where Indians who made their mark in London were suitably rewarded.

So ladies, gentlemen and otherwise, the winners are...

1. The Conspiracy Theorist Medal: Archery coach Limba Ram. For suggesting rivals used black magic and witchcraft to jinx Indian archers;

2. Redefining Indian Geography Medal: Amitabh Bachchan. For congratulating Mary Kom, the boxer from...well...Assam! To be fair to him, he promptly apologised and corrected himself. Most Indians qualify for this award anyway;

3. Serendipity Medallion: Vishnu Vardhan. Apparently, when you want something, the universe conspires to help you achieve that. Vishnu was plucked out of nowhere and thrown in the doubles mix only because Leander Paes and Mahesh Bhupathi fought like two wet cats over a dead rat. As if it was not enough, Philipp Kohlschreiber took the pain of pulling his hamstring to shove Vishnu into the singles main draw. Such was his luck that Vishnu mistakenly consumed pesticide but it turned out to be Coca Cola;

4. Gatecrasher Society's Personality of the Year Medal: Madhura Honey aka Nagendra. She ghosted her way past security guards and led Indian contingent in the Opening Ceremony in one of the lasting mysteries of the 21st century that would haunt Sebastian Coe for the rest of his life;

5. Fastest-Finger-First Medal: Ajay Maken. Mr Maken has significantly raised the bar for all Sports Minister, camping in London and tweeting as if there is no tomorrow;

6. Mike Tyson Spirit of the Game Medal: Sushil Kumar. For biting part of his Kazakh opponent's ear and keeping it as an Olympics souvenir;

7. International Angler's Society's Special Medal: Sania Mirza. For offering herself as a bait in the Paes-Bhupathi row;

8. Chilli Powder Manufacturers Association’s Special Medal: Mahesh Bhupathi & Rohan Bopanna. Bhupathi had bloodshot eyes after his doubles defeat and Bopanna said it was chilli powder;

9. Shahid Afridi Hollow Threat Medal: Vijay Kumar. For threatening to quit army if denied promotion.

Raksha Bandhan is the day when ..

* Brothers vow to protect sisters - a custom which originated and remains most relevant in Gurgaon;

* Surpanakha tied Rakhi on Ravana's wrist and they called it Happy Rakshasa Bandhan;

* doctors need to revise their attitude towards the bunch they address as sister;

* Rakhi is tied...with an identified opposition. So basically it's a draw match;

* Brothers perceive it as - Raksha Bandhanteras;

* Oprah Winfrey expects an Indian girl to tie rakhi on her brother's fork;

* India tie rakhi on Bhutan's wrist and plead "Vow to protect me from powergrid failures".

India's Seven Other Dalits!

Aamir Khan touched the untouchability issue in the July 8 episode of Satyamev Jayate.

Doosra was touched too. In fact so touched that wasted precious little time to compile a list of India's Seven Other Dalits, sneered at and ridiculed by their snooty peers.

1. Literature Dalit = Chetan Bhagat;
2. Music Dalit = Himesh Reshammiya;
3. Tennis Dalit = Leander Paes;
4. Fashion Dalit = Govinda;
5. Political Dalit = Amar Singh;
6. Food Dalit, ok Dalit Food = Rahul Gandhi;
7. Intellectual Dalit = Suhel Seth

(P.S. I'm a great admirer of the Aamir Khan show. The guy could have done any other show but chose this one. If it brings positive change even to one life, it's job well done. At the same time, my admiration should not come in the way of some harmless fun. Hope Aamir and his fans agree.)