Neil Armstrong: Unknown Facts, Tributes and Jolie On Moon

Unknown Facts:

1. Neil Armstrong's actual first words after landing on moon ~ 'Itna sannata kyu hai bhai?"

2. Armstrong's wife used to pester him to take her along, singing this song: Chalo dildaar chalo chand ke paar chalo...

3. Swami Agnivesh wanted to replace Neil Armstrong in the mission, insisting he had one natural advantage – he generated his own drink;

4. The moon spacecraft was named Eagle because it was sponsored by Eagle Flasks;

5. Before President Nixon called him, Armstrong received another call - from a telemarketer trying to sell him a credit card;

6. Armstrong's wife was mighty upset that he didn't bring a fridge magnet from moon.
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Stand-Out Tributes:

1. "RIP Neil Armstrong. Lingers on my mind that baffled look on your face when I escorted you on moon" ~ Madhura Honey;

2. "RIP Neil Armstrong. You have redefined cycling and remain a hero despite all allegations" ~ S M Krishna;
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Finally, what would have been Angelina Jolie’s reaction had she been the first on Moon?

One small step for a woman, a giant lip for mankind.

India reacts to Laxman’s retirement: Doosra post from JAIL!

1. Harbhajan Singh: Sad, we should send Andrew Symonds to talk Laxman out of retirement. You know who drove sense back into Laxman in Ramayana, don’t you?

2. Virat Kohli: Sh*t Happens!

3. Shivpal Yadav: Laxman consulted me and I told him you can quit international cricket a bit but don't quit Ranji.

4. Madhura Honey aka Nagendra: Oh hell, I didn’t know he would quit. Else could have gatecrashed his press conference.

5. Sania Mirza: Another Hyderabadi has been used as a bait! It’s an insult to womanhood.

6. Anu Malik: I’m told Laxman has got a great Inner Voice. Can we have him in Indian Idol?

7. Manmohan Singh: Laxman’s retirement is a rumour with its origin somewhere in Pakistan and I appeal to people from northeast not to panic;

8. Arun Jaitley: People are missing the woods for the trees here. The real issue is there was a powercut during Laxman’s press conference and Congress is trying to use Laxman’s retirement as a ruse to divert our attention from a larger issue;

9. ..... finally the JAIL bit. Well, Doosra wanted Manata Banerjee’s view on the subject and had merely asked the harmless question : "Didi, how do you react to Laxman’s retirement?" Within seconds, one was frogmarched out of the house and into a jail, the location of which would be shared once known.

India's Post-Olympic Medals!

So the Mayor Dangling Ceremony, aka London Olympics, is finally behind us. Look over your shoulder and you still can see the blurred blob.

While countries such as US, China and the consortium called Great Britain prepare to exercise their global bragging rights, India returned with six medals from London.

Away from media glare, there was another medal giving ceremony where Indians who made their mark in London were suitably rewarded.

So ladies, gentlemen and otherwise, the winners are...

1. The Conspiracy Theorist Medal: Archery coach Limba Ram. For suggesting rivals used black magic and witchcraft to jinx Indian archers;

2. Redefining Indian Geography Medal: Amitabh Bachchan. For congratulating Mary Kom, the boxer from...well...Assam! To be fair to him, he promptly apologised and corrected himself. Most Indians qualify for this award anyway;

3. Serendipity Medallion: Vishnu Vardhan. Apparently, when you want something, the universe conspires to help you achieve that. Vishnu was plucked out of nowhere and thrown in the doubles mix only because Leander Paes and Mahesh Bhupathi fought like two wet cats over a dead rat. As if it was not enough, Philipp Kohlschreiber took the pain of pulling his hamstring to shove Vishnu into the singles main draw. Such was his luck that Vishnu mistakenly consumed pesticide but it turned out to be Coca Cola;

4. Gatecrasher Society's Personality of the Year Medal: Madhura Honey aka Nagendra. She ghosted her way past security guards and led Indian contingent in the Opening Ceremony in one of the lasting mysteries of the 21st century that would haunt Sebastian Coe for the rest of his life;

5. Fastest-Finger-First Medal: Ajay Maken. Mr Maken has significantly raised the bar for all Sports Minister, camping in London and tweeting as if there is no tomorrow;

6. Mike Tyson Spirit of the Game Medal: Sushil Kumar. For biting part of his Kazakh opponent's ear and keeping it as an Olympics souvenir;

7. International Angler's Society's Special Medal: Sania Mirza. For offering herself as a bait in the Paes-Bhupathi row;

8. Chilli Powder Manufacturers Association’s Special Medal: Mahesh Bhupathi & Rohan Bopanna. Bhupathi had bloodshot eyes after his doubles defeat and Bopanna said it was chilli powder;

9. Shahid Afridi Hollow Threat Medal: Vijay Kumar. For threatening to quit army if denied promotion.

Raksha Bandhan is the day when ..

* Brothers vow to protect sisters - a custom which originated and remains most relevant in Gurgaon;

* Surpanakha tied Rakhi on Ravana's wrist and they called it Happy Rakshasa Bandhan;

* doctors need to revise their attitude towards the bunch they address as sister;

* Rakhi is tied...with an identified opposition. So basically it's a draw match;

* Brothers perceive it as - Raksha Bandhanteras;

* Oprah Winfrey expects an Indian girl to tie rakhi on her brother's fork;

* India tie rakhi on Bhutan's wrist and plead "Vow to protect me from powergrid failures".

India's Seven Other Dalits!

Aamir Khan touched the untouchability issue in the July 8 episode of Satyamev Jayate.

Doosra was touched too. In fact so touched that wasted precious little time to compile a list of India's Seven Other Dalits, sneered at and ridiculed by their snooty peers.

1. Literature Dalit = Chetan Bhagat;
2. Music Dalit = Himesh Reshammiya;
3. Tennis Dalit = Leander Paes;
4. Fashion Dalit = Govinda;
5. Political Dalit = Amar Singh;
6. Food Dalit, ok Dalit Food = Rahul Gandhi;
7. Intellectual Dalit = Suhel Seth

(P.S. I'm a great admirer of the Aamir Khan show. The guy could have done any other show but chose this one. If it brings positive change even to one life, it's job well done. At the same time, my admiration should not come in the way of some harmless fun. Hope Aamir and his fans agree.)

Sunny Deol's Interview After Esha Deol's Marriage

Doosra: Congratulations Sunny. It must have been an emotional moment. A true Bade Bhaiyya's responsibility.

Sunny: Oh yes! But Papaji and Bobby also worked hard. And of course Hema ji.

Doosra: Hope everything went well?

Sunny: Well, almost. Pandal was good, food was great. Just don't know how some stray dogs, well, strayed into the pandal.

Doosra: Stray dogs!

Sunny: Balwant Rai ke kutteyyyyy.....

Doosra: Please, calm down, please!

Sunny: I'm sorry, got emotional. What were we discussing?

Doosra: That some dogs had strayed into Esha's wedding.

Sunny: Yes. Strange, despite having Papaji there. He even screamed that line from Sholay - "Kuttey, kaminey mai tera khoon pee jaunga" and most dogs ran for their life.

Doosra: Hope it was not a serious problem.

Sunny: Two dogs refused to leave. Hema ji was supposed to dance late in the evening which had to be cancelled.

Doosra: Why?

Sunny: Papaji got emotional and screamed again "Basanti, in kutto ke samne mat nachna!". You know how he is. Waise I'm no less emotional. I saw the tubewell and suddenly became Gadar's Tara Singh. I screamed "Humara Hindustan zindabad tha, zindabad hai aur zindabad rahega" and uprooted the tubewell.

Doosra: Good lord! What happened then?

Sunny: Half the baaratis fled from the scene and we had to apologise to bring them back. And when they returned, it could have been another crisis because I had uprooted the tubewell, which was the only source of drinking water!

Doosra: Oh boy! So how you managed that?

Sunny: Hema ji intervened. She immediately got 25 Kent water purifiers there, 23 of which she sold to the baraatis.

Doosra: Well, sounds quite eventful. But these are minor glitches, happen in every marriage.

Sunny: I guess so. We also ran out of paneer and rushed to nearest shop to buy more. Guess what? They had a balance but no stone. Fortunately I was there and solved the problem.

Doosra: How?

Sunny: You silly. Everyone knows I have dhaai-kilo-wala haat. We needed 5 kg paneer. So I put both arms on one side and they weighed paneer on the other. Dimple! I mean simple!

Doosra: Got the point, got the point. Must say it was an extraordinary marriage. Thanks for your time, it was pleasure talking to you.

P.S. Those interested in facts (god knows what they get out of it) Sunny & Bobby Deol were reportedly unsighted within 100km of Esha's marriage)

Gathered: 6 Mean Thoughts On Sania Mirza's Predicament

1. Sania Mirza first got wild card. Sania Mirza then got wild.

2. Sania Mirza's real predicament: Shoaib Malik is the reality, Mahesh Bhupathi the desire and Leander Paes the compulsion;

3. AITA used Sania Mirza as a bait because they tried Leander Paes first but even the fishes won't come anywhere near him;

4. Sania Mirza is likely to be refused entry at every fish spa. "You said you've been used as bait. What if the fishes eat your toe?"

5. Shoaib Malik insists Sania Mirza should accompany him on a fishing trip. He heard Sania was used as a bait;

6. Sania Mirza slammed AITA, Vece Paes, Leander Paes and others with so much vigour and all alone that WTA has recognised it as her first singles Grand Slam.