Budget 2014: 10 Random Observations

1. Honourable Finance Minister spoke for two hours but it's actually a one-line budget. Sardar Patel Statuetory warning: Smoking is injurious to wealth.

2. Oil products to be cheaper. Afraid it would boost sycophancy.

3. Cigarettes to cost more. It's clearly a pro-rich budget. Only the rich can now afford those diseases that smoking causes.

4. How do I pay "indirect tax"? Instead of giving it directly to the guy at counter, I submit it via pantry boy?

5. Rather happy with "Krishi Darshan". Finally something to bring smile on the face of poor farmers like Robert Vadra and Amitabh Bachchan.

6. Cigarette to cost more, footwear to be cheaper. The underlying message is: kick the bad habit or smoke footwear.

7. Soap to be cheaper. Munaf Patel should have no excuse now.

8. Cigarette to be costlier (leitmotif of this piece). It means Bollywood will have to be more creative. Any bidi/cigarette chewer cannot be passed as a poor street urchin, however shabby the dress is.

9. Finance Minister sipped water while presenting budget. Was Hema Malini around to make sure it was Kent RO treated?

10. Cigarette costlier, footwear cheaper. Can you still crush cigarette butts under your footwear?

Seven 'Sholay 3D' Twists

Tarun Tejpal always wanted to be a journalist but on Friday, he wished he were Sholay 3D.

At least Sholay 3D was released.

Doosra has reliably learnt the film is not completely old wine in new bottle. Apparently, the makers of the film have made a few changes to the original script to prevent boredom and the seven major tweaks are:-

1. Tutored by Viru, Basanti wins women's 50m pistol gold at 2016 Rio Olympics.

2. Hema Malini convinces Gabbar Singh to buy a Kent water purifier.

3. Sanjay Dutt makes a brief appearance, freed on parole so that he can come and console a bereaved Thakur whose family Gabbar has wiped out.

4. Serial tobacco-chewer Gabbar Singh dies of oral cancer, sparing 24-year-old Mukesh a gruesome death from the same at the film's interval.

5. Hugely impressed by Arnab Goswami, Gabbar Singh rephrases his iconic query: "The nation wants to know, kitney aadmi the?"

6. Imam's son Ahmed Mian finds employment under NREGA scheme and doesn't have to leave for city and get killed by Gabbar's men on his way.

7. A.K. Hangal asks "Itna sannata kyun hai bhai" and is promptly reminded that he had strayed into a Titan showroom and the correct pronunciation is "Sonata".

Sunny Deol's Interview After Esha Deol's Marriage

Doosra: Congratulations Sunny. It must have been an emotional moment. A true Bade Bhaiyya's responsibility.

Sunny: Oh yes! But Papaji and Bobby also worked hard. And of course Hema ji.

Doosra: Hope everything went well?

Sunny: Well, almost. Pandal was good, food was great. Just don't know how some stray dogs, well, strayed into the pandal.

Doosra: Stray dogs!

Sunny: Balwant Rai ke kutteyyyyy.....

Doosra: Please, calm down, please!

Sunny: I'm sorry, got emotional. What were we discussing?

Doosra: That some dogs had strayed into Esha's wedding.

Sunny: Yes. Strange, despite having Papaji there. He even screamed that line from Sholay - "Kuttey, kaminey mai tera khoon pee jaunga" and most dogs ran for their life.

Doosra: Hope it was not a serious problem.

Sunny: Two dogs refused to leave. Hema ji was supposed to dance late in the evening which had to be cancelled.

Doosra: Why?

Sunny: Papaji got emotional and screamed again "Basanti, in kutto ke samne mat nachna!". You know how he is. Waise I'm no less emotional. I saw the tubewell and suddenly became Gadar's Tara Singh. I screamed "Humara Hindustan zindabad tha, zindabad hai aur zindabad rahega" and uprooted the tubewell.

Doosra: Good lord! What happened then?

Sunny: Half the baaratis fled from the scene and we had to apologise to bring them back. And when they returned, it could have been another crisis because I had uprooted the tubewell, which was the only source of drinking water!

Doosra: Oh boy! So how you managed that?

Sunny: Hema ji intervened. She immediately got 25 Kent water purifiers there, 23 of which she sold to the baraatis.

Doosra: Well, sounds quite eventful. But these are minor glitches, happen in every marriage.

Sunny: I guess so. We also ran out of paneer and rushed to nearest shop to buy more. Guess what? They had a balance but no stone. Fortunately I was there and solved the problem.

Doosra: How?

Sunny: You silly. Everyone knows I have dhaai-kilo-wala haat. We needed 5 kg paneer. So I put both arms on one side and they weighed paneer on the other. Dimple! I mean simple!

Doosra: Got the point, got the point. Must say it was an extraordinary marriage. Thanks for your time, it was pleasure talking to you.

P.S. Those interested in facts (god knows what they get out of it) Sunny & Bobby Deol were reportedly unsighted within 100km of Esha's marriage)