The Seven...hic...Samurai

Let's give the dude his due. Andrew Symonds is a blogger's delight. An English-born Australian cricketer with West Indian roots with follies of all three ethnicities stuffed inside the 1.87m frame.

Now beat that.

So much so that I don’t mind trading Sachin Tendulkar for Symonds.

Come on, Tendulkar can’t be a debater’s delight. He evokes awe, not argument. He is too polite to polarize and I’ve always been intrigued more by the horn of the devil than the halo of the saint.

Once again, Symonds provided me the fodder for thought and here goes a list of seven cricketers who, I suspect, could have been wine bottle labels in their previous birth.

1. Andrew Symonds: The undisputed Baron of Booze, the Lord of Liquor, the al-Khalifa of al-cohol. There was not a rehab strong enough to bottle up his high spirit;

2. David Boon: His incredible feat of guzzling 52 cans of beer on a flight from Sydney to London is still intact. Pity that Symonds had to go when Boon is part of Australia’s selection panel. Smacks of lack of fellow-feeling somewhere.

3. Andrew Flintoff: Cork high and bottle deep, Flintoff discovered the alcoholic properties of the Caribbean Sea during 2007 World Cup and was about to drain it before sentries came to the sea’s rescue and an environmental disaster was averted.

4. Jesse Ryder: A firm believer that Bacchus airdropped him on dry earth with a specific purpose. Takes the opener’s job seriously even outside the field. Royal Challengers stats suggest no one opened more cans and bottles than Ryder in IPL II.

5. Herschelle Gibbs: Another rehab-proof alcoholic. One of his neighbours once refused his offer to donate blood fearing it might make him tipsy.

6. Praveen Kumar: Proudly carrying the tri-colour. To his credit, he doesn’t get into drunken brawl unless the other guy is a doctor.

7. Yuvraj Singh: When intoxicated, has a peculiar penchant of attacking his namesake, a tendency that can be traced to the sheer self-detest cemented in his subconscious.

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# Australian players yet to see the money they were promised
# Kolkata Knight Riders shows the door to five players
# Royal Challengers Bangalore jettisons Charu Sharma
# Team Mohali asks fringe players to shift to less-opulent hotels

Well, I don’t expect foreign imports to be jolted out of their illusion of a dollar deluge yet. But by now, some of them must have regained enough sense to realize that the Indian Premier League is not exactly the El Dorado.

But to be honest, they are not the only ones who felt the moneybag franchise owners have ankle-deep pockets. So did we. And some of the players clearly saw only the chequebook on one hand of their owner, completely overlooking the whip on the other. Suddenly, quite a handful of them have been driven out of their comfort zone.

Welcome to Cricket Inc. Perform of perish.

Behind her bubbly eyes, Preity Zinta is as much an entrepreneur as her thoroughbred fiancé; beneath the veneer of his charm, Shah Rukh Khan is a fierce salesman who has succeeded in monetizing a dimpled smile; and for the Ambanis and Mallyas – they have been schooled to believe that loss is essentially a four-letter word, which also happens to be the eighth deadly sin.

With IPL reaching its business end, and this is the apt phrase, now it’s clearly showing who’s the boss. With Charu Sharma went out a clear message for Dravid, Kallis, Ponting, Laxman as well as Cheteshwar Pujara and Ranadeb Bose. It’s out and out a cut-throat business proposition. No wonder, Shah Rukh is dealing in flying kisses these days, and Preity in hugs. Mallya apparently doesn’t care a hoot for niceties and Ambani does not think it worth making an appearance in the venues. Wife Nita, no wonder she handles charitable arm of Reliance industries, is representing the family these days.

Well guys, welcome to Cricket Inc. and that is the way out. Thank you very much.