The rogue returns

There is something eerily uncanny about the rogue. He’s like a scam that umpteen hush-up efforts can’t suppress. The froth that will inevitably and eventually surface. Almost a leitmotif in a Wagnerian opera. Let’s give the devil its due, Shoaib Akhtar is an unputdownable story with intrigues galore and he may not be the best ambassador of the game, but like cricket itself, his career is all about uncertainty, occasionally glorious and often notorious.

Now that the IPL passage has been cleared by the appellate tribunal, the maverick is back. Indeed, it would have been a pity if he was missing from the mix. It’s not only his craft but also the theatricals that make Shoaib almost an indispensable character in the entire razzmatazz. In the end, it was poetic justice that he was eventually allowed to figure in the foofaraw which he has been so in love with throughout his career.

I’m not sure about his contribution but let’s admit he brings with him that nuisance value and adds to the entertainment quotient. That extraordinarily prolonged run-up, the glare, the snarl as the ball leaves his hand and that spectacular albatross celebration – Shoaib in action is one of the most compelling sights in contemporary cricket.

He maybe the child of hype but batsmen in their relatively vulnerable moments would tell you that the sight of him galloping along that never-ending run up still sends shivers down many a spine.

Welcome to IPL, Shoaib.

Mohammad Asif must be heaving a huge sigh of relief that he won’t have to share the dressing room with the erratic ‘Rawalpindi Express’. Umar Gul, however, is not similarly fortunate. Harbhajan Singh has already set the benchmark in compatriot-bashing and Gul would do well to exercise a little caution. Picking up a dressing-room fight with Shoaib has resulted in grave consequences in the past and history, after all, remains the best teacher.

Image: AFP

Dump the rogue: Cricket would be better off without Shoaib Akhtar

Geoff Lawson can’t be faulted if he packs his bag and catches the first available flight to Australia. After all, this was his first assignment with the Pakistani cricket team and what a way to begin!

Shoaib Akhtar, that rogue in flannel, has been sent home from Johannesburg for using the long handle that has left his new ball partner Mohammad Asif with a bruised thigh. Instead of playing in the Twenty20, the erratic ‘Rawalpindi Express’ will now be cooling his heels, admiring his supreme talent to run into trouble.

"I'm human and made a mistake in the heat of the moment. Asif said something to me that made me lose my temper. I apologised to him, but I was very upset," Shoaib told a channel.

And before one could doubt him being sincerely apologetic, Shoaib himself shatters the illusion when he compares his conduct with Zinedine Zidane’s headbutting of Marco Materazzi in the soccer World Cup final.

Now Pakistan Cricket Board might be interested in finding if Asif said something about Shamaila, Shoaib's sister.

PCB has already slapped an indefinite ban on the perennial controversy-courting speedster but it seems already too late. Shoaib has been both the ‘Rog’ and rogue in the Pakistan dressing room. He was more interested in tantrums than performance. Here you had a player who was so engrossed in putting up a show that he never hesitated to sacrifice team’s interest to achieve that.

Bob Woolmer, may he rest in peace in a world devoid of the likes of Shoaib, cried hoarse but could not convince the narcissist in Shoaib to cut down on his spectacular, and nothing else, run up, which often resulted in slow over rate for the side. Seduced by the speed-gun, Shoaib never felt for the colours he donned.

PCB had its share of the blame too. Shoaib would not sweat out with the team in the nets; would have his own physio -- Tauseef Razzaq – with him. Spoilt to the core and shamelessly pampered by a patronizing PCB, Shoaib gradually started believing he was bigger than the team.

Shoaib has proved a dismal disgrace not only for Pakistan, but the game of cricket as well. His very presence in the dressing room has been embarrassing for his captain (ask Inzamam) and depressing for the youngsters. His selfish approach to the game has scuttled many a team strategy and PCB would do well to permanently slam the door on the crook and breathe easy.

Image: AFP

He's back! Well, he claims so...

Those who thought we’ve seen the last of Shoaib Akhtar can take a walk. The erratic “Rawalpindi Express” has emerged out of the blue and back is his swagger.

Shoaib, who these days is slugging at Lahore’s National Cricket Academy under NCA chief coach Mudassar Nazar’s watchful eyes, claims he has given himself four months to return. Now, God save Pakistan cricket.

And yes, he insists he was dropped from Pakistan’s World Cup squad because of injury and not because he had failed a privately-conducted dope test in London.

“I was dropped from the team because of my injury. We underwent no private dope tests,” Shoaib said. Did anyone listen, let alone believe?

“I have a great equation with Mudassar who has worked with me before and understands me as a person and bowler,” said Shoaib. We can only pray for Mudassar.

And if you have had not enough, sample this.

“I am learning to be a little more diplomatic and I have grown up,” Shoaib said. We are enlightened.