Mohali Test...Day 4

0912: Only a superman with his x-ray vision can sight the pitch in such thick fog. Even the track has slipped under a blanket. Wish I could afford such luxury. The frisking just outside the stadium borders on groping and the thought of going through that for five straight days is pretty unnerving. Supersopper mopping the outfield dew, some shadowy figures playing football, could be the Indians. KP and his men could not be traced.

1030: The fickle fog keeps coming back. Harper-Rauf duo inspects the pitch for umpteenth time before retreating, perhaps to tell Dhoni and match can start if he opens with Bhajji-Amit. Kirsten is out with a tennis racket, which changes hand and Munaf Patel shows why Federer should consider himself lucky that Munaf stuck to cricket. Meanwhile, logistic manager Russel Radhakrishnan loses quite a bit of his flab trying to collect Munaf's returns.

1114: James Anderson just got a tattoo done by Dhoni. A terrible judge of a single, Anderson was scampering to return base when Dhoni's full-blooded throw grounded him.

1340: When most relished their lunch, I attended a rather desolate press conference where ICC CEO Haroon Lorgat said -- i) ICC would conduct separate recce before allowing match officials to tour Pakistan for the series against Lanka; ii). Oz-NZ have been put on standby but no reason why sub-continent can't host 2011 World Cup; iii) ICC January meeting would decide fate of 2009 Champions Trophy. And Lorgat was grinning ear-to-ear, explaining how SA's win over OZ at Perth opened up a three-horse race for No. 1 spot.

1348: Strauss, Sehwag, Collingwood, Yuvi...Chennai sizzler proved Mohali fizzlers. Can Tendulkar buck the trend?

1354:...the answer seemed NO. But hold on! there was a big inside edge and Asad Rauf got it right. "You know my father is a Match Referee?" Broad asks Rauf after hie LBW appeal is turned down.

1414: So, Tendulkar too falls to the Curse of Chennai. Can't call him a cricketer with conscience. Broad troubled him all along but he gave Anderson his wicket.

1834: One of the best press conferences involving Yuvi. "Pie-chucker is coming, I'm loving the name," he announced as he walked into the room. Inevitably the first question was about his new sobriquet and Yuvi was on song. "I knew this is going to be the first question.

I got up in the morning and read the paper and thought what does that mean? It means useless bowler. It means KP is getting out to me and useless bowler getting a batsman out five times means useless batting, I must say.

Clearly enjoying every moment of it, Yuvi now attacks KP the bowler...

I have got a better action that KP, his action is useless. But if he works hard he can be a good bowler…I can give him some tips and teach how to bowl in the rough.

And still no love is lost between the two. Sample this...

At the end of the day, everything is on the ground. Me and KP are good friends off the field, but on the field never dare to make friends.

He is a phenomenal player and batted like a champions. He has 15 hundreds in 45 Tests. Actually he tried to get under my skin and brought out the best in me and I tried to get under his skin and brought out the best in him. It's okay, but I don't like to wash dirty linen in public.

Amen.

Mohali Test...Day 3

0900: Fog delays start. Umpire Daryl Harper says he'll inspect the pitch as soon as he sights it! Pietersen, meanwhile, tries to play cricket with a football. To be honest, you can't sight a smaller ball in such fog. Dhoni & Co, meanwhile, get into the Great Indian Huddle where Kirsten checks if Munaf Patel has brushed his teeth.

1010: Has David 'Bumble' Lloyd converted to Islam? He seemed offering namaaz on the pitch. The Groucho Marx of world cricket clarifies he wanted to see if the pitch was dry enough not to soil his troussers!

1527: Sorry for the delay. ICC boss David Morgan held a p.c. and said i) no sanction on BCCI for shunning Pakistan; ii) T20's popularity is good for the game; iii) Cricket (T20) in Olympic not possible before 2020; and iv) India, England oppose Test championship.

2041: Kudos to KP, the tragic hero. Rauf's LBW decision had him rooted and later in the press conference, KP demanded benefit of doubt. On MSD bowling the 3rd over with Yuvi, KP said he was amused to see a 'pie-chucker' replacing Zak "one of the best bowlers I have faced ever." His switch-hit provoked Kirsten to seek change in laws to aid the hapless bowlers. KP says it's not a risky shot but a scoring shot.

7 cricketers who deserve Doctorate, à la Dr Sania Mirza

As UN names an Intergovernmental Panel to figure out what really provoked the MGR Educational and Research Institute University, Chennai to accord Doctorate on Sania Mirza, Doosra lists seven Indian contemporary cricketers who thoroughly deserve the prefix.
1. Dr Sachin Tendulkar: For his contribution to medical science. Tennis elbow came into being only after Tendulkar was diagnosed with it. Currently, he is playing the game with his second shoulder, third elbow, fourth knee cap and…Also for staying on course to sharing the dressing room with son Arjun.

2. Dr Yuvraj Singh: For his generous contribution to astronomy. NASA scientists just revealed that the six-star constellation over the southern tip of the African continent is actually the six sixes Yuvraj hit off a Stuart Broad over in the Twenty20 World Cup. Scientists blame Yuvi’s fury to the hapless bowler’s father who insists another Doctorate cricketer from Punjab's fertile land, Dr Harbhajan Singh, is a javelin thrower.

3. Dr Harbhajan Singh: For his expertise in Escapology. Throughout his career. Dr Singh displayed an amazing ability to dig a hole for himself and eventually clambering out of it, often creating a crisis that threatened to split the cricket globe.

4. Dr Gautam Gambhir: In recognition of his die-hard optimism that he can do any bodily harm to someone like Shane Watson.

5. Dr MS Dhoni: For covering the entire gamut of coifing and unfailingly coming up with thematic, series-specific hairdos.

6. Dr Virat Kohli: A product of the MSD School of Thought, people need to recognize his state of the head. Come hell or high water, or even a catch in his direction, Dr Kohli always ensured his spiked tuft is intact before making a dash. Upset with the existing helmets, he apparently has sought one with a slit in the middle.

7. Dr Munaf Patel: For his deep understanding of the South African culture and ability to laugh at the popular siSwati, Xitsonga, isiNdebele, isiXhosa and isiZulu jokes cracked by Gary Kirsten and Paddy Upton.