An environmentalist’s appeal to Shashank Manohar

We all know sir that you don’t use a cellphone.

You don’t wear a watch either.

And you hardly fly – so much so that you didn’t have a passport till the other day.

Eco-friendly is the word that leaps to the lip.

Then why this series of showcause notices to Lalit Modi, sir?

One showcause notice invited a 15,000-page reply. To give you an idea, you roughly fell two trees to get 16,000 A4 size pages.

Sir, every time BCCI showcauses Modi, he vanishes into the nearby forest with an axe in hand.

No scruples at all sir, his replies are triple-spaced!

Spare a thought on the World Environment Day sir. Spare Modi.

Exclusive: Sneak peek into Pawar-Thackeray meeting!

Blogosphere nearly had its first martyr!

Being a fly on the wall has its own peril. More so when your insurance premium is not updated.

To cut a long story short, Doosra flirted with peril to be privy to the IPL sweet nothings that Sharad Pawar (SP) and Bal Thackeray (BT) whispered in Mumbai!

For the facts, BCCI President Shashank Manohar was also present on the occasion but his contribution to the discussion was largely limited to goggling at SP and BT, besides the occasional feet-shuffling.

Excerpts:

SP: Balasaheb, this is not done.

BT: I'm happy you acknowledge it. Sugar costs as much as silver. Pulse drops when you ask about pulse price…

SP: Err...you got me wrong Balasaheb. I was talking about IPL. Why aren't you allowing the Australian players in Mumbai?

BT: Allow them! Over my dead body! I just can't let them here. What if they settle here and start driving taxis? Picture them bargaining with passengers in English, and not in Marathi! Whither Marathi Manoos?

SP: Come on Balasaheb, cricketers are well off. Most of them have chauffer-driven sedans. Why should they drive taxi here?

BT: This is hogwash, cricketers being rich. The other day I read about some underfed cricketer, some Afridi tribesman, eating ball. Such is their plight and you want me to believe they are rich? Rich, forsooth!

SP: Come on. He's just a mad guy.

BT: And you guys chased that mad guy? Is it Indian Premier League or India's Premier Loonies?

SP: Come on Balasaheb, what's your problem?

BT: Now that you asked me, arthritis has confined me to bed. I don't see much either. The other day I spilled some secret beans to Raj, mistaking him for Uddhav. The beard itches and doctors said after so many years, the sunglass can only surgically be removed. Hell lot of problems. Old age you know…

SP: Oh...Balasaheb, I meant why don't you let the Australians play here?

BT: Allow them there! Over my dead body. No, actually I can. But I have conditions.

SP: I'm all ears.

BT: Brett lee should become Brett Liquor...err...I meant Brett Leekar.

SP: What!

BT: Yes. Then they should celebrate Valentines Day getting rakhi tied on their wrists by their girlfriends. They should write exclusive columns in 'Samna' and subscribe it as well. Nobody reads it these days you know. Then irrespective of their teams, they would say 'Jai Maharashtra' before beginning every press conference, eat only Vada Pao in lunch and discuss Chhatrapati Maharaj in team meetings. You understand?

Servant: Sir they left long ago. Congratulations sir, this year's IPL will be without the Australians. Mr Pawar made a TV announcement just now.

Cartoon: Satish Acharya

Why BCCI deserves a Padma Bibhishan

When you have a 10:1 cerebral advantage over your opponent, theoretically your win is merely a matter of time and formalities.

Unless one of your siblings responds to the name of Bibhishan, that is.

An average Norwegian was content munching his lutefisk or Kjøttkaker, depending on his preference, and humming Ja, vi elsker dette landet.

Till one of them, a blighter by the name of Vidkun Quisling, popped up to facilitate the Nazi invasion of his own country.

Siraj-Ud-Daulah had a fair chance in the Battle of Plassey. Before his lieutenant Mir Jafar crossed the floor and hugged Robert Clive, that is.

India's stint as the No. 1 Test team could have been longer. But then BCCI had meticulously cooked their goose and inked just 2 Tests in the next 11 months.

You probably feel like borrowing the 5-iron wielded so deftly by Elin Nordegren and spank the colossal fatheads at BCCI.

A less violent breed, I demand a Padma Bibhishan for Shashank Manohars and Lalit Modis.

Cry Eden, cry

Rows of empty galleries greet Tendulkar on his 12000th Test run but still I S Bindra’s Mohali;

Mumbaikars may have sold their soul to T20 and switched allegiance to YV Patil but still Sharad Pawar’s Wankhede;

Counterfeit tickets, counterfeit crowd, counterfeit administrators and still Arun Jaitley’s Kotla;

Lalit Modi’s indifference to anything not T20 shared by the entire Jaipur but still Sawai Man Singh;

Nagpur maybe a lemon as a venue but still Shashank Manohar’s VCA Stadium in Jamtha.

Once again, arguably the most hopelessly emotional bunch of cricket followers found them caught in the crossfire between egoistic administrators and their murky game.

Cry Eden cry.

EXCLUSIVE: Benched players complain to BCCI against Dhoni!

Doosra can safely reveal to its readers that things are rather rummy and not chummy in Team India camp. Just home after getting two huge monkeys off his back, poor Midas Singh Dhoni is blissfully unaware of the storm that has been brewing right under his nose since the Test series in New Zealand.

Insiders said the otherwise quiet quartet of L Balaji, Dhawal Kulkarni, Amit Mishra and Murali Vijay are signatory to a note of dissent that has reached BCCI President Shashank Manohar.

In the letter, the Fuming Four have accused Dhoni of usurping credits and inquired if a privilege motion could be introduced in the next parliament session against MSD for misleading the gullible nation.

Sources confirmed that the miffed foursome took the snub in NZ in their stride and was happy twiddling thumb, flirting with the same hotel receptionist, bargaining at the nearest fixed price showroom and playing Sudoku to maintain fitness in case of an emergency that might required them back in the field.

But what eventually ticked them off is Dhoni's unabashed bragging about how he and his team set a new benchmark in New Zealand.

"Factually speaking, it’s a shameless act of hijacking credits on Dhoni’s part while the whole world knows it was the four of us, who set the actual benchmarks. All we did in New Zealand was to warm the bench till there was obvious marks on it and here you have Dhoni making outrageous claims about setting the benchmark!" the irate players scribbled.

"As testimonials, we are separately parceling you chunks of the benches from Hamilton, Napier and Wellington bearing the marks of our posteriors and we encourage you to summon all four of us and Dhoni and find out who those benchmarks belong to," the letter read.

BCCI sources reckon both Dhoni and the miffed foursome are in for some dressing down soon.

Pix: Caricature by Harini