The Rs 35 Lakh Loo...t!

What kind of world we are living in where the whole country peeps into your toilet and even before you could say A-h-l-u-w-a-l-i-a turns it into a national debate?

If M.S.Ahluwalia is seething under that designer blue turban I, for once, have full sympathy for him.

The reaction to the Rs 35 lakh toilet at Ahluwalia’s office has ranged from predictable to potty.

Doosra presents the selected few, including that of Ahluwalia himself.

1. Pranab Mukherjee's secretary: "Sir is no more interested in the President's post, bujhlen? Instead, he'd be happy to succeed Ahluwalia in Planning Commission. I know that's a baffling demotion but then Sir never had ambition. Otherwise he would have been the PM, bujhlen? He says what would he do with a sprawling Rashtrapati Bhavan? He’d rather love a toilet like this. At his age, bujhlen?"

2. Ajmal Kasab: "In case India decides to hang me before I die a natural death, the government should grant me the final wish of once peeing at the Planning Commission toilet."

3. Tourism Ministry Secretary: "Flooded with requests from abroad, we are turning it into a tourist destination. Our next Incredible India campaign will be built around the toilet".

4. Meira Kumar: "I'm intrigued since I learnt about it and can't wait to see it but there is a minor problem. Had it been in some another country, I would have boarded the next available flight. Unfortunately, it's in India, that too in Delhi, some 5 km from my place. So I’m afraid I can’t make it. But I’d request Mr Ahluwalia and his colleagues to maintain some decorum there. Yeh aap ka hi hai. Is liye...Shaant Ho Jaiyye, Baith Jaiyye. Sab Ko Mauka Milega."

5. M.S. Ahluwalia: "Oye! What is this? Who changed my nameplate? I'm Ahluwalia, not Ah-Loo-walia!"

7 Reasons Why I Should Be The Next India President!

The election of India's next President seems a three-horse race with Pranab Mukherjee as the front-runner, Hamid Ansari hot on his heels and APJ Abdul Kalam as the proverbial dark equine.

Well, even Ajit Agarkar can tell you that what the venerable trio need is not presidency but a bottle of Sandhi-Sudha, a hair transplant and a haircut, in the said order.

As Arindam Chaudhuri, the greatest pony-tail of our generation, hollers from magazine covers - dare to think beyond the obvious.

Here's why it makes colossal sense to make me the next India President:

1. I have serious contempt for major political parties, which means I won’t discriminate against anyone;

2.There are no land-grabbing allegations against me;

3. While taking guard of honour, I can stand erect without looking like a cartoon that Mamata Banerjee can ban anytime;

4. A 2BHP part of the Rashtrapati Bhavan will do for me. Lights/fans/ACs in rest of the building will remain switched off resulting in significant savings.

5. I'm good with kids. I'm told this is a must for the job and one of the former occupants of this building built his reputation around this sole virtue:

6. I can say in exactly five minutes what some annually blabber over an hour-and-half. And I can make it even enjoyable;

and finally:

7. My landlord has asked me to vacate the flat and I badly need a place to stay :(

Exclusive: Tendulkar is broke!

The Pranab Mukherjees and the Montek Singh Ahluwalias would look pretty silly now.

Exposing the hollowness of their GDP growth mumbo-jumbos, another Indian has just slipped under the Below Poverty Line (BPL).

Is it a Dicky Bird? Is it a plane, carrying homesick Lalit Modi? No, it’s Sachin Tendulkar!

Well, hear it here first.

Tendulkar, whose annual income was the closest statisticians got to infinity, is dead broke!

First he sells off his red Ferrari 360 Modena and then he applies for home loan to buy a 1 BHK flat outside Mumbai!

The twin developments merit close analysis and I want you follow me here closely.

Why did Tendulkar sell off his Ferrari, presented by no less than a Michael Schumacher?

Was it his legendary anticipation that warned him of the fuel price hike that was barely 48 hours away?

Was it the political analyst in him that closely monitored the West Bengal election and realised red was fast going out of vogue?

Can it be possible that he had a tiff with Schumacher – suppose Schumi calls him and mistakes his sing-song voice for that of a maid -- and a mighty annoyed Tendulkar did not want to keep any memory of him?

Or was it because he felt let down by Ferrari who did not resist DRS in F1? So what if this DRS stands for Drag Resistance System and not Decision Review System? After all, once you accept the initials, you are not far from accepting the whole thing!

Well, Doosra risked life and limbs to unearth the truth and here’s how the Little Master turned pauper almost overnight.

Tendulkar earned the stuff by sackfuls but didn't trust banks -- including the one he endorses -- and used to stash all his money in the cellar.

And he got the shock of his life when he found termites had eaten up all the notes!

And the rest, as they say, is his story.

P.S. Sources tell us the sole purpose of Tendulkar’s Wimbledon visit was to try and borrow some money from Roger Federer.