India’s Eyebrow XI; And 12th Man Arnab Goswami

1. Kapil Sibal: Proud owner of arguably the most powerful pair of eyebrows in contemporary Indian politics. A recent NASA study claims his flourishing eyebrows are the only man-made structure, apart from Great Wall of China, visible from space.

2. Arun Shourie: Legend has it as India’s disinvestment minister, he came tantalisingly close to divesting himself of his eyebrows before better sense prevailed.

3. Ram Jethmalani: Country’s best criminal lawyer, he at times needs just to shake his eyebrows to unnerve his rival lawyer and win case.

4. Hamid Ansari: Thanks to the unruly MPs, the Rajya Sabha chairman’s eyebrows are greying faster than a Sebastian Vettel on a Red Bull.

5. Ashutosh Rana: As best demonstrated in ‘Dushman’, the hedge over his eye had the same effect on heroines as does Shakti Kapoor’s 'Lolitaaaa'.

6. Kajol: Few heroines made better use of a unibrow to eke out a career in Bollywood. In that way, film historians claim, ‘Dushman’ was the coming together of two of Bollywood’s biggest eyebrow pairs;

7. Shilpa Shetty: She entered Bollywood with a caterpillar over each of her eyes and butterflies in her stomach. The caterpillars have paved way for shapely arches and she now cracks a smile so wide that, eyewitnesses claim, it meets at the back of her head.

8. Virat Kohli: While he considers his middle finger as his most prized possession, it was Kohli’s eyebrows which caught the selectors’ eyes first. It convinced them the kid was special.

9. Jaswant Singh: A proud Rajput who wears his robust eyebrows like his badge of honour. He mumbles, only because his mouth shoots the words upwards where they lose their way in his bushy eyebrows and are reduced to gibberish by the time they emerge out of the vegetation;

10. Imran Khan: While his released films haven’t succeeded in proving he can act, some still believe his thick eyebrows hide his rumoured acting talents.

11. Karishma Kapoor: She was all eyebrows when she burst onto the scene and has clearly not been the same force since the ill-advised plucking of the arches.

And 12th man

12. Arnab Goswami: Owns the biggest proverbial eyebrow which he routinely raises every evening, demanding an answer to what the nation wants to know.

7 Reasons Why I Should Be The Next India President!

The election of India's next President seems a three-horse race with Pranab Mukherjee as the front-runner, Hamid Ansari hot on his heels and APJ Abdul Kalam as the proverbial dark equine.

Well, even Ajit Agarkar can tell you that what the venerable trio need is not presidency but a bottle of Sandhi-Sudha, a hair transplant and a haircut, in the said order.

As Arindam Chaudhuri, the greatest pony-tail of our generation, hollers from magazine covers - dare to think beyond the obvious.

Here's why it makes colossal sense to make me the next India President:

1. I have serious contempt for major political parties, which means I won’t discriminate against anyone;

2.There are no land-grabbing allegations against me;

3. While taking guard of honour, I can stand erect without looking like a cartoon that Mamata Banerjee can ban anytime;

4. A 2BHP part of the Rashtrapati Bhavan will do for me. Lights/fans/ACs in rest of the building will remain switched off resulting in significant savings.

5. I'm good with kids. I'm told this is a must for the job and one of the former occupants of this building built his reputation around this sole virtue:

6. I can say in exactly five minutes what some annually blabber over an hour-and-half. And I can make it even enjoyable;

and finally:

7. My landlord has asked me to vacate the flat and I badly need a place to stay :(