Thursday 29 June 2017

Application For The Post Of Team India Head Coach

Shri Sachin Tendulkar
Shri Sourav Ganguly
Shri VVS Laxman

Subject: Application for Head Coach, Team India

Dear Sirs,

This is in response to your advertisement for the post of Head Coach, Team India. Kindly convey my sincere thanks to Anil Kumble Sir, for creating a vacancy when the job market is shrinking like hemline in summer.

I don't really know why he quit but can make an educated guess that he paid the price for trying to be the Greg Chappell from Bangalore.

I heard he was determined to bring Virat's meeting with Anushka strictly under the FTP.

Being an ICC Cricket Committee member, he also insisted that Virat mouthed only MCC-approved, gender-neutral expletives. Apparently, he was mortally scared of having to say "Only one team is abusing in the true spirit of the game and it's not India."

A renowned wildlife photographer, he reportedly sought BCCI approval to drop Axar Patel in front of a starving lion in Gir to capture the beast's yawn.

While I don't boast a record like Anil sir, I have none of his eccentricities either.

I think the first attribute of a good coach is vision and mine is 20/20. I'm attaching the ophthalmologist's report corroborating it. Unlike Anil Sir, I can see the writing on the wall.

My biggest strength is that I've never coached any team in my life. I'm attaching endorsement letters from eight clubs confirming they never considered me worthy of the job.

My inexperience means existing ideas have not polluted or confined my views, and that I won't be just recycling the standard coaching practices to justify my salary. No.

As someone with no knowledge of cricket coaching, my ideas are naturally fresh, completely unbiased and potentially revolutionary.

It may shock the players initially but that's how all revolutionary ideas kick in -- with a bang and not whimper.

Unlike Anil Sir, I have a better idea of what the job entails. Trust me, I have no illusion about the job.

Players at this age don't need a coach. What they need is someone who is decent at baby-sitting. For instance, I've noticed players like Shikhar Dhawan tour with the entire family in tow.

I can look after the kids while their dads play and moms shop. I'm attaching endorsement letters from neighbourhood moms who'd vouch for my baby-sitting skills. I don't want to brag but I can change diaper blindfolded and with one arm tied behind my back.

I can even take their wives/girlfriends to shopping, in an "elder-brotherly" manner, if you know what I mean. I'm great at haggling and can get them the best deal anywhere. I'm attaching letters of endorsement from three exasperated shopkeepers to support my claim.

I know bit of cooking as well. So, for instance, if Rohit Sharma wants a bowl of noodles and walks out to bat, I can serve it piping hot when he returns.

I understand the job requires thick skin and I blush to inform that daily hundreds of mosquitoes blunt their precious proboscis trying to suck my blood. I'm attaching a clinical profile of the skin to support my claim.

As for mindset, after a decade of marital bliss, I'm clinically immune to criticism, sarcasm, humiliation and outright insults.

I read Anil Sir was the 'alpha male' in the dressing room. Kindly tell Virat that I'm ready to be the 'omega male' and he should not worry.

Sirs, in keeping with the demand of the job, I'm ready to feel unheeded and unwanted, and ridiculed behind my back.

If I understand it correctly, you are looking for a high-profile good-for-nothing, who should assiduously twiddle his thumb while the captain calls the shots.

I understand as Head Coach, my job would be to front the media after crushing defeats and dust the captain's chair before he addresses news folks post-victory.

Without further testing your presence, I believe I've strongly demonstrated that I have a crystal-clear understanding of the job.

Please find attached my CV. Should you need any further information, just give me a miss call and I'll call you back.

Yours sincerely
A permanently married, temporarily jobless Indian


Blogger said...

Sign-Up to EverydayFamily today and you will get stage based pregnancy and baby email newsletters, promotions and coupons as well as access to free baby samples, baby coupons, baby magazines & much more.

New Members Can Win Free Diapers for a Year!

Blogger said...

If you'd like an alternative to randomly approaching girls and trying to find out the right thing to say...

If you would rather have women pick YOU, instead of spending your nights prowling around in filthy bars and nightclubs...

Then I urge you to watch this eye-opening video to uncover a amazing little secret that might get you your personal harem of attractive women just 24 hours from now:


Dimpi Mehta said...

This was really funny. I really loved it.

TheWinin - Latest Sports News

Anonymous said...

India South Africa Schedule
भारत और साउथ अफ्रीका के बीच तीन टेस्ट मैचों की सीरीज 5 जनवरी से शुरू होकर 24 जनवरी तक चलेगी जिसमें की दोनों टीमों के बीच रोमांचक मुकाबला देखने को मिल सकता है इसलिये की भारत ने अभी तक साउथ अफ्रीका के खिलाफ कोई भी टेस्ट सीरीज नहीं जीती है भारत के पास टेस्ट सीरीज जीत कर इतिहास रचने का एक बेहतरीन मौका है

भारत और साउथ अफ्रीका के बीच 6 वन-डे मैचों की सीरीज 1 फरवरी से शुरू होकर 18 फरवरी तक चलेगी और अंत में 3 टी-20 मैचों की सीरीज 18 फरवरी से शुरू होकर 24 फरवरी तक चलेगी

The Series https://Sportscentre4u.Com/2954-2 Of Three Tests Between India And South Africa Will Start From January 5 And Run Till 24 January In Which Both Teams Can Get An Exciting Encounter, So That India Has Not Won Any Test Series Against South Africa So Far. India Has A Great Chance To Win History By Winning Test Series.

The Series Of 6 One-Day Matches Between India And South Africa Will Start From February 1 And Run Till 18 February And In The End The Series Of 3 T-20 Matches Will Start From February 18 And Run Till 24 February.

Test Match Schedule (India South Africa Schedule)
Test Match Date Day Indian Time Team Place
1st Jan/05/2018 Friday – 1:30 PM IST 1:00 Pm India Vs South Africa CapeTown
2nd Jan/13/2018 Saturday- 5:30 AM IST 1:00 Pm India Vs South Africa Centurion
3rd Jan/24/2018 Wednesday – 1:30 PM IST 11:00 Pm India Vs South Africa Johannesburg

One Day Match Schedule (India South Africa Schedule)
One Day Match

Date Day Indian Time Team Place
1st Feb/01/2018 Thursday– 5:00 PM IST 1:30 Pm India Vs South Africa Durban
2nd Feb/04/2018 Sunday – 1:30 AM IST 1:00 Pm India Vs South Africa Centurion
3rd Feb/07/2018 Wednesday- 5:00 PM IST 1:30 Pm India Vs South Africa Cape Town
4th Feb/10/2018 Saturday – 5:00 PM IST 1:30 Pm India Vs South Africa Johannesburg
5th Feb/13/2018 Tuesday – 5:00 PM IST 1:30 Pm India Vs South Africa Port Elizabeth
6th Feb/16/2018 Tuesday – 5:00 PM IST 1:30 Pm India Vs South Africa Centurion

T-20 Match Schedule (India South Africa Schedule)
T-20 Match Date Day Indian Time Team Place
1st Feb/18/2018 Sunday – 6:00 PM IST 14:30 Pm India Vs South Africa Johannesburg
2nd Feb/21/2018 Wednesday- 9:30 AM IST 18:00 Pm India Vs South Africa Centurion
3rd Feb/24/2018 Saturday – 9:30 PM IST 18:00 Pm India Vs South Africa CapeTown

Blog27999 said...

Did you realize there's a 12 word phrase you can communicate to your crush... that will trigger deep emotions of love and instinctual attraction for you deep inside his chest?

Because deep inside these 12 words is a "secret signal" that triggers a man's impulse to love, adore and guard you with all his heart...

12 Words That Fuel A Man's Love Instinct

This impulse is so built-in to a man's mind that it will drive him to try better than before to to be the best lover he can be.

Matter-of-fact, fueling this dominant impulse is absolutely essential to having the best possible relationship with your man that once you send your man one of the "Secret Signals"...

...You will immediately notice him open his soul and heart to you in a way he haven't experienced before and he will recognize you as the one and only woman in the galaxy who has ever truly attracted him.