Delhi Results: 7 Observations

1. These days, Congress is the best party to be in, for a stress-free political career.

2. Like a responsible party, BJP should introspect. Especially how three of its candidates managed to defy the AAP wave and won;

3. To be fair to her, Kiran Bedi did not lose. It was Vikas Bedi who lost. Kiran Bedi comes out with her reputation intact.

4. Surprisingly, Arvind Kejriwal did not declare and enforce follow-on on BJP even when AAP had taken a huge lead.

5. Botanists are baffled - so much muck flew before election but still lotus didn’t bloom.

6. Congress need not despair over their zero seats. The silver lining is – they can’t do any worse in the subsequent elections!

7. Shazia Ilmi should not be charged with culpable homicide if she decides to strangulate her political adviser, provided it’s not she herself.

11 "Chai Pe Charcha" Spinoffs

Narendra Modi's "Chai Pe Charcha" has opened a Pandora's box.
With India set to stage world's biggest election from next month, political leaders are defying model code of conduct and interacting with the voters in secret, deliciously named interactions.

Below are 11 leaders and their campaign initiatives:

1. Raj Kachori with Rajnath Singh.

2. Chavanprash with Prithviraj Chavan.

3. Humble Pie with Digvijay Singh.

4. Momo with Momota Banerjee.

5. Modak with Modi. Calm down fanboys, I meant Lalit.

6. Muli with Mulayam.

7. Ginseng with ND Tiwari.

8. Kaju with Kejriwal.

9. Pan Vilas with Ram Vilas.

10. Jalebi with Jayalalitha.

11. Any Goddamn thing with Gadkari.

Dr Narendra Modi?

Dr Narendra Modi examining if LK Advani, like Atalji, needs a knee replacement.

Pix: PTI

10 Things That Have Left Solar System With Voyager I

So Voyager I has left the Solar System. Now what prompted this abrupt exit nobody knows.

Elevation of a younger space probe that hurt the patriarch? Lure of a greener pasture in some other universe? Lack of breathing space in an increasingly crowded space?

We probably would never know. But it's not only the spacecraft which has left.

Below, Doosra lists 10 things that have left Solar System With Voyager I.

1. S Sreesanth's career;

2. L.K. Advani's Prime Ministerial aspirations;

3. Shahid Afridi's birth certificate;

4. Ishant Sharma's skills;

5. Omar Abdullah's baldness;

6. The 'a' from Ajay Devgn's surname;

7. Tusshar Kapoor's tongue, which explains his gibberish in the "Golmaal" series and subsequent trash;

8. Sanity from Rohit Shetty blockbusters;

9. Navjot Sidhu's reticence;

and finally:

10. Arnab Goswami, whose conspicuous absence from Newshour is fuelling speculations that he is actually piloting Voyager I out of the Solar System. "Going by the noise Voyager I is making, that's a distinct possibility which can't be ruled out," a NASA scientist told Doosra strictly on condition of anonymity.

Pix: BBC

The Real Story Behind Baba Ramdev’s Meeting With Sharad Pawar

Hear it here first!

Baba Ramdev is buying an IPL franchise and that’s the precise reason he met ICC boss Sharad Pawar.

Don’t trust the chumps in mainstream media. They got it completely wrong, misled probably by the fact that Pawar, in between ICC meetings, also happens to be the agriculture minister.

Unlike Nitin Gadkari, Pawar didn’t touch Ramdev’s feet. It was a shrewd opening move by the Marathi strongman that forced Baba into an immediate introspection.

"Do I really have stinking feet?” Ramdev would occasionally mumble throughout the meeting.

For some strange reason, Gadkari derived such a superiority complex out of it that the BJP chief was sighted running around his Nagpur residence screaming “Pawar can’t bend! I’m fitter than Pawar”.

Well, below is the excerpt of what transpired between Pawar and Ramdev:

Pawar: Welcome Ramdev ji. Hey! What’s that? Don’t wink at the maid!

Ramdev: Sorry, Pawar ji. Don’t get me wrong. This is something I can’t help. Completely unintentional you know.

Pawar: Whatever. You don’t know how tough it’s these days to get another maid. Anyway, how come you are here?

Ramdev: Pawar ji, I want to buy an IPL team.

Pawar: But I’m not sure they want another franchise.

Ramdev: Pawar ji, there’s nothing you can’t do. I have even decided the name of my team.

Pawar: And what’s that?

Ramdev: Patanjali Panthers! Awesome, isn’t it? Of course ToI may still call it Team Haridwar. I have already identified players for my team.

Pawar: And they are?

Ramdev: Well, Hashim Amla has to be the captain and Mohd Yusuf his deputy. See, I want it to be a team of bearded players. By the way, is WG Grace available?

Pawar: But are there enough bearded players?

Ramdev: If not, we’d identify local talents and groom them. Their beard to be precise. Jawed Habib will join the support staff soon. In fact, I’m thinking of having beard-linked bonus clause in their contract.

Pawar: But Ramdev ji, IPL is sports and entertainment. It’s like showbusiness with cheerleaders etc. Are you fine with it?

Ramdev: You hurt me Pawar ji. What do you think of me? We too would have cheerleaders.

Pawar: Oh, really?

Ramdev: Of course! We’d slightly tweak the concept and have cheerleader bhaiyyas, wearing borrowed salwar kameez.

Pawar: Oh yes. I should have imagined it.

Ramdev: After every boundary hit by our players, cheerleader bhaiyyas would do Kapalbhati while every dismissal of the rival batsmen would trigger mass anulom-vilom!

Pawar: Good lord! But to be honest Ramdev ji, I’ve washed my hands of cricket and you better get in touch with IPL guys.

Ramdev: I know you have but I also know there’s nothing you can’t do.

Pawar: Ok, I’ll help you. But what we tell the reporters now?

Ramdev: Don’t worry Pawar ji. I’ll repeat that black-money thing. And we’d hug each other before the camera. Done?

Pawar: (Reluctantly) I guess I have to. Why don’t you wax your chest? Ok, ok, stop anuloming-viloming. Was just kidding. Let's go and meet the press.