Wednesday 24 February 2010

Shahid Afridi's Secret Diary: Ball-Biting

Saled my bloody TV to kabadiwala.

Not asking me what is the bloody because. It gaved me bloody ache in the neck like nobody's business. Every time I switched it on, it showed me biting the bloody ball like nobody's business!

Nobody trusting me when I am tolding it's accidental. They speaking its only dental. Had Inzy Bhai doing it, they would be calling it Inzydental.

My bloody blood boiled like nobody's business. I gave two bloody whistles too and nearly became a bloody pressure cooker!

Every time I looked at the TV, I saw myself like nobody's business. I once mistook it for mirror and started combing my hair in front!

Then I used my head. Saw Zidane doing it to Materazzi. Never knewed it hurts like nobody's business. The TV set on the floor swimmed before me. But I recall who I is. So it should be OK.

I realised the bloody footage must have got stuck somewhere behind the TV screen like nobody's business. Happens with bloody gramophones. Something stucking and you hear the same line repeatedly again. So thoughted to sale it and broughting a new set.

These media !@#$%&* made a bloody fortune out of that footage. It's buffaloing like nobody's business! First they ask for bite and when you bite, these sons-of-what-nuts still have problems! They are jealous of us success fool peoples like nobody's business.

I'm sure when they wenting to hell, the Almighty will make Kakori Kebabs of them and feed them to Musharraf's dogs like nobody's business.

Tomorrow, one toothpaste company approached me to biting the ball again in their commercial. I was agree. After all, two err is human. And I have erred only once. Have seeken PCB's permission, hope they allow.

(P.S. This is the beginning of a brand new Shahid Afridi's Secret Diary series, the frequency of which would be directly proportional to the availability of the required brainwaves.)


Dingo said...

haha, Shahid Afridi having an existential crisis. Poor guy. The world can be a confusing place for the cricketing rebel. I believe i could read these everyday.
put you on my roll -

Som said...

Dingo, welcome to Doosra. Will return the blogroll compliment soon. Happy blogging:)

namya said...

Diary or Dairy Som? He try to milked all simplethy after the IPL..

brilliant one!

Som said...

Namya, you mean Afridi is a fall Gai!

straight point said...

what the hell... my dairy is my bloddy property how daring you to expositing it to hole world... this is seriously nobody's business....



Purna said...

This is being funny like no one's business.

Som said...

SP, hehehe. I never knew Afridi's spin doctor is my friend!

Som said...

Purna, don't you think Afridi is pass-out (or drop out?) of the same Grammaer School of which Dharmendra was the principal?

Anonymous said...

Brilliant Som ... love that he was on TV so much he mistook the TV for a mirror LOL

Som said...

Sid...glad you liked it. BTW, how much chance do you think I stand of receiving a juicy thwack if my path crosses with Afridi's?

Trideep said...

Inzydental!!! lol.. amazing post Som!

Som said...

Trideep, Inzy would rather bite an aloo than a ball, no?

Trideep said...

he wud rather bite into his piece of beef!

Som said...

Trideep, Inzy is Aloo, Beefy is Botham:)

Ragssssss said...

Hahaha... sorry but Im not sure.. they called Afridi alloo na???

Som said...

Rags, Inzmam is Aloo...

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I need to extend my vocab and find new adjectives for you :)

In the meantime...hilarious!!

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Megha, now that's complimenting me like nobody's business :)

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Late Cut said...

LOLTT (LOL till tears)! My first visit to your blog but what a beauty! Like it very much, Som. Keep going mate. Deep

Som said...

Late Cut...welcome to Doosra and I'm deeply moved :) keep coming. Will keep a watch on your blog as well:)

Soulberry said...

You are serious therapy Som!

I'm being asked by people around me what's the provocation.

I'm making funny noises here...little do they now they are due to my futile attempts to subbress laughter.

My abs are going to ache for a while...hoo!

How'd you get that TV swimmed bit? Bloody original man!

Som said...

Soulberry, that's bloody compliment! See irony, I wanted to be referred by intellectuals but ended up being referred by doctors!

Soulberry said...

Som, seriously, that day, people initally thought it was a bad tummy was suffering from...till I showed them the compu screen!

You shouldn't be read while working fo must be enjoyed where one can let it rip.

I hope you continue with this rare juxtaposition of command over language knowledge skill talent and timing.

Som said...

Soulberry, am glad that my posts have become a pain in the abdomen and not elsewhere:)

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