Sunday 26 April 2009

In pursuit of the Fake IPL Player

At times, you have to shrug off inertia, wriggle yourself out of the comfort of your lair and even if reluctantly, respond to the call of the world.

And this was no fiddle-faddle after all.

The hitherto unflappable Barack Obama had grown fidgety; passer byes vouched there was a blood-curdling upheaval in Jade Goody’s grave in the Epping Forest; and even the stony Tiger Woods had started waggling!

It was as if the sky had dropped, hanging like a glass ceiling just above the head of a claustrophobe world which is struggling to breath in an air thick with suspense.

Who is this Fake IPL Player raking all the KKR muck?

My first suspect was Aamir Khan’s dog, which apparently shares its name with Shah Rukh Khan. Maybe spurred by its owner, the canine was out to deface...I mean defame...his namesake.

Dog running blog!

Well, YouTube is infested with videos of dogs using iPods. Trust me, some of them are more techno-savvy than most of us.

And there is a plausible explanation of the dog’s access to KKR dressing room dopes as well. Possibly it was his Colonial Cousin in SA, that same black mongrel which interrupted CSK-MI match, which is supplying him the fodder for thought!

So I ventured to get it from the horse’s...I mean dog’s...mouth but was stopped at the gate by Aamir himself.

Have you voted? Show me your finger. Hey, what do you think of yourself, Greg Chappell? This is no Kolkata either. Show me the other one.

Satisfied, he let me in and I politely asked the canine “Are you the Fake IPL Player?


I asked Aamir to decode it but the Dr Dolittle did little other than leaving me with a muddier mind.

From the angle of his erect ears and tail and the thickness of the saliva dripping from his quadrilateral tongue and considering the fact that he has been starving for the last three days...”

Before he had finished, I showed him a clean pair of heels and was back on the road, panting and gasping.

It’s P Chidambaram, silly”. I heard the whisper but couldn’t see anyone in my eyeshot.

Well, not an impossibility altogether. In fact some felt it was PC who straight-drove IPL out of the country.

I sought and surprisingly got an appointment with him! Well, election time is the only time when you have access to the politicians. But his secretary made me do an MF Hussain and take my shoes off before letting me in and PC’s corrugated forehead smoothened only after he had inspected my feet.

Sir, are you the Fake IPL Player?” I asked timidly.

Don’t be silly. I’m too busy with election duty. Well, if you suspect someone in the cabinet, it could be Dr Ramadoss.

Now that was an eye-opener! Indeed, every time SRK smoked, Ramadoss fumed!

Hello, Dr Ramadoss?

Yes, speaking.”

Sir, are you the Fake IPL Player writing all those dirty stuff about SRK?”

You nitwit, I would use a log rather than a blog when dealing with that *&%$#@,” he hung up.

Well, I know it doesn't augur well for the world bu I’m afraid, Obama will continue to fidget for some more time.

Pix: Jess Bucchino, ‘The Wizard of Draws


Gaurav Sethi said...

Wah Som, just proved you're a bigger Fake

Q said...

not xactly the 7 players who could be, but works for me. Awesome!

Som said...

NC, but my blog is a not even equally hit:(

Som said...

Q, I guess I named 3 -- Chidambaram, Ramadoss and SRK the canine -- in the post. Which means it's 4 short of what you asked for:)

Super Blogroll said...

Well, It could be Aamir himself and after the 15 min he takes for each post, he forgets that he has the blog. He'll have the blogger login id and pwd tattood in voter's ink somewhere , u couldve checked that ;-) . Btw addd u on to our blogroll fr crcket blogs Do check it out ..Cheers

Som said...

Super Blogroll, welcome to Doosra and I think visiting frwequently won't do you any harm!

And indeed, I simply forgot Aamir himself. His password tattoed somewhere in his torso provides me enough food for thought. Thanks for the provocation.

Just gimme little time and you'l;l be in my blogorll too:)
happy blogging:)

Satrajit said...

Som, Call up Dada Ganguly and ask the same. Well he speaks good English which means he will write well too, and moreover he has his reasons to defame the Knights.

Som said...

Satrajit, I think you are slightly overestimating Ganguly's pen/keyboard:)

Ziddu and Inzoo said...

Hmm ..

The image in the mirror in not as clean as it looks...!!

The fake IPL player is not a cricketer.. he's a professional entertainer.. You can look at all the "successful" Indian Players, most of them just learnt howto speak english leave alone writing eloquent blog posts...

Som said...

Ziddu and Inzu, welcome to Doosra and keep coming:)

Like you, I too don't have a jot of doubt that the Fake IPL Player is not actually a player. My doubt, it's probably 2-3 writers/bloggers who are doing the job. Unfortunately, I'm not one of them.

Ziddu and Inzoo said...

@ Som.. I believe you when you say that ur not one of them .. coz ur writing style is definitely different. Anyhow .. we've added you on our blogroll.. visit our blog.. if you find it as interesting .. add ours on yours.. Will be back for ur next post.. till then sasriyakaal ..!

Som said...

Z&I, don't underestimate me!)

Give me a lil time and you'll be in myu blogroll too:)

Som said...

Tanmoy, any means of sending Yuvraj back to India? He's not doing anything in IPL II and his mom is missing him too:)

Ziddu and Inzoo said...

Guru, it matters not who's fake and who's real. What matters is how your players play the game. Be a part of the game.

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