Ashes: Food for thought

So England has a Cook (of mascara fame), Onions, a Swan with an extra N and Collingwood for firewood.

Their head chef Andy Flower is a worried man after told that it sounds like a perfect recipe for disaster.

Australia, on their part, has arrived in England with an entire McDonald!

I have never tasted Ashes but this one promises to be a finger-licking one!

Seven T20 World Cup truths

1. Reverse colonialism has hit England. How else you explain Collingwood and party getting booed in their own country!

2. You thought MS Dhoni is responsible for India’s failed T20 World Cup campaign only. Students from a Sikkim school have just served an eye-opener. MSD is apparently no less hazardous to Mother Earth than CFC;

3. Younis Khan is the lone cricketer with the distinction of having an X rated smile which threatens to incur censorship;

4. All these talk about Sehwag’s Grade I tear is bulls**t. In fact Pigeons**t, to be precise. Sehwag had a Pigeon perched on his shoulder right throughout IPL II and sources reveal its poisonous drop infected his shoulder;

5. Smart florists in Ranchi have started stacking their shop with effigies as well since either of the two is always in demand;

6. West Indies had plans to use Shivnarine Chanderpaul as opener in Twenty20 World Cup but it did not materialize since painting those eye-patches is a time-consuming exercise and ICC steadfastly refuses to keep play on hold till Lord Shiv is through with his war paint;

7. Doosra can safely reveal that England bowling coach Otis Gibson had sought tips from bar owners in India who told him that it's impossible to stop the Indian bats from going berserk unless you have enough bouncers. Gibson got the message and the rest, as they say, is geography...err I mean history.

Tabloids Face Mother’s Fury For Ridiculing Heavyweight Bermudian

Enough is enough. Allison Leverock lambasted a hostile press which derived much mirth from his son’s girth. Mother of giant Bermudan spinner Dwayne Leverock doesn’t understand why the press, especially the British tabloids, is after her son, calling her names -- 'Bermuda Pie-angle', 'Lard Before Wicket' and 'Owzfat'.

Allison was livid after someone made a reference to Eddie Murphy’s “Nutty Professor”. After all, her “Sluggo” had claimed the wickets of Kevin Pietersen and Paul Collingwood in the warm-up match to prove he may weigh in at 255 pounds but he is every ounce worth it!

And the press would do well to remember that Dwayne is a Police Constable by profession and drives a prison van when he doesn’t play cricket!