Sunday, 26 July 2009

Hayden’s maiden speech at his academy circa 2012

Mate, lend me your ears or get thick ears. Ding dong and you head for billabong.

No argy-bargy, fine?

Mate, get it abso-bloody-lutely clear in your head. We are here for the serious business of batting and not tiddlywinks.

Bowlers are meant to be bagged. Bagged till no kid dreams of becoming a bowler again.

That is how ICC also wants it.

As a batsman, you would treat a bowler exactly with the same respect that a pariah dog has for the nearby lamppost.

From a socio-political point, bowlers are our class enemy, if you know your Marx well.

Karl Marx, you nitwit, not Groucho.

Remember, every maiden over is nothing but a public announcement that you have Kangaroos loose in the top paddock

Finally, a word of caution.

Beware mate. Offies from a certain northern Indian state can be quite an obnoxious weed.

And you may well come across pacers from a certain southern state, particularly with a dance back ground, with this tendency to get on your nerve.

But when going gets tough like this, don’t go troppo. Rather, ask yourself "What would Christ do?"

That’s all I had to say. Now join the chorus as we sing 'Waltzing Matilda'.


Ottayan said...

Why Waltzing Matilda?

Som said...

Ottayan, could not imagine -- by any stretch of imagination -- Hayden singing 'Bande Mataram'!

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