Ravi Shastri: Welcome to Indian Grand Prix. The news from centre is Red Bull’s Sebastian Vettel has won the toss and decided to bat first. Err...I mean...has won the pole and decided to finish first. Greater Noidaaaaaaaaa. Are you readyyyyyy?
Navjot Sidhu: Oye guruuuuu. My lines are ready too, thoko tali. The grass is green, the sky is blue, Ecclestone’s daughter is down with flu...
RS: Cut the crap Sherry. The atmosphere is electric at Buddh International Circuit. There is some dew, I just got the feeling that gripping steering would be difficult later in the race. Whoever wins the toss should...err, I keep forgetting there is no toss. Let’s move to the commentary box.
NS: Chha gaya guru, chal!
RS: Ladies and gentlemen, here we go! The 3rd Indian Grand Prix is on and Sebastian Vettel is off like a tracer bullet!
NS: Bas kar yaar! If Vettel is bullet then Alonso is not too late, and I see Grosjean, stepping up to the plate. Thoko taali!
RS: A flying start for Vettel taking advantage of field restrictions but Webber is cutting loose here. Sherry, I just got the feeling that Vettel and Alonso will give it everything.
NS: Bas kar yaar! Remember, a wire catches fire like the pant of a liar…
RS: He started off well but the question is will Vettel win? Will he lose? Will it be a tie? At this stage, all three results are possible!
NS: Tie? my dear friend, a tie is a pie in the sky and its chances are well nigh…
RS: Vettel is changing tyre here and rejoins race. He’s just upped the ante!
NS: Chha gaya guruuuu! Ante or aunty, Babli aur Bunty, I’m feeling hungry, can I have some bun-tea? Thoko tali…
RS: Now Alonso hits Webber! Remember, when Alonso hits, it stays hit! The race is going down to the wire. Well, not really. Vettel has built a healthy lead. I think he should declare now and put the opposition in. What do you think Sherry?
NS: Oye guruuuu, declare is like éclairs, you shouldn’t delay.
RS: Another DLF maximum! Vettel clocks the fastest lap! Excellent running between the wickets. Sherry, I think he should try a slower one and deceive his rivals. Just what the doctor ordered!
NS: Oye guruuuu, speed is like weed. It gives you a kick. Why should Vettel slow down? Remember when you go with the flow, you don’t glow when you slow.
RS: Looks like Alonso got stuck in heavy traffic! I just got the feeling that he will take the aerial route. He’s trailing but Alonso is a cool customer with loads of experience. He will soon be dealing in boundaries.
NS: Boundaries! Guruuuu, you mean he will hit the boundary tyrewall?
RS: Not at all Sherry. Boundary means he’d overtake four cars at a time.
NS: Chha gaya guruuu! Webber retired, Pic retired, seems Hulkenberg too retired…It’s reminding me of the cycle stand at Rajendrs Talkies in Patiala – one falls and the whole row collapses!
RS: Sherry, we are talking about F1, not bicycles, ok? concentrate on the race, it’s about to end. I’ll tell Srini Sir to dock half your salary and give it to me instead. And as we talk, Vettel hits DLF maximum! A huge six…th successive win with Alonso nowhere in sight!
NS: Oye guruuuu, maza a gaya. My dear Ravi, Vettel is like the King among men, peacock among hen...
RS: ...and unlike you, sober among insane. Moron. Well, that’s it from Buddh International Circuit. We all saw a high-scoring contest. It was a cracker of a race and fair to say that in the end, cricket was the real winner.