Thursday, 9 July 2009

7 Reasons Why England Can’t Win Ashes


1. The John Buchanan miasma. This should be the cinch;

2. By scheduling the opener in Cardiff, England essentially and inadvertently opted for an away match and lost the home advantage;

3. Keeping with his form book, Andrew Flintoff is destined to miss the bus to the ground on the most crucial day of the series;

4. By placing Matt Prior behind the stumps, England has made the prior announcement that they are taking Caught Behind and Stumping out of the equation. While this is very chivalrous of them, England’s bowling does not look good enough to get 20 Australian wickets sans these two crucial modes of dismissals,

5. Kevin Peter Pietersen, Order of the British Empire (OBE), would deliberately under-perform, fearing another Ashes triumph would invariably incur a similar mile-long obnoxious title which no 21st century man in his senses would fancy;

6. Cricket Australia’s threat of bringing back Buchanan, in case of an Ashes loss, ringing in ears, Ricky Ponting and his men would settle for nothing less than a win;

7. Leaving no stone unturned in their preparation, Australia had no less than F1 driver Mark Webber telling them how to run faster between wickets. Sadly, neither Lewis Hamilton nor Jenson Button displayed as much patriotism and bothered to turn up at the Poms practice.

Pix: Mike Egerton/EMPICS Sport

16 comments:

Ottayan said...

Another good one from you and I liked the one about why Pietersen will under perform.:)

Som said...

Ottayan, thanks. Did you see KP's dismissal? I didn't but read that hew went for a sweep and the ball brushed his helmet before finding the fielder. I hope KP is not on a suicidal mode. All the more reason to watch his batting in the 2nd innings. What say?

Prafs said...

The chances of one freddie's body parts falling of are even higher than him missing the bus.
Don't be surprised if he pulls a hammy or breaks an ankle.

Ottayan said...

I did. Simply put, he had a brain fade. Picked a ball turning away wide of the Off stump and tried to help it over fine leg.

It is clear as night follows day ( pardon the cliche) that bat hit the ball.

I am not sure whether it hit the helmet on its way, nut in my mind he is out and that too without a doubt.

Som said...

Prafs, I too am afraid that Freddie won't last the entire Ashes.

Som said...

Ottayan, I thought KP was trying to hammer some senses in his own head:)

straight point said...

i think you gotta give it to him...kp is kind of player who will always give chances to opposition...'at the end of day' i would be happy sitting in eng dressing room then in oz's...

as for freddy...they will make him play even if not fit coz of fear factor he induces in oz and if that's not possible they will make player stand with his name...

Ottayan said...

Som,
I do not discount that possibility. (hammering some sense into his own head).:)

Som said...

SP, at the end of the day...hehehe..no..even at the start of the day...I share your logics behind fielding even an intoxicated Flintoff.

Som said...

Ottayan, the proof of the pudding is in eating and the proof of KP's new-found wisdom would be on display in the 2nd innings.:)

Naked Cricket said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Naked Cricket said...

Without KP it would have been just another day. By the end of this series, he will have been dismissed playing the switch hit, handling the ball, obstructing the field, and breaking his ribs.

votetheday said...

The outcome is so difficult to predict this year, but still vote and try to guess who will win the Ashes 2009 - http://www.votetheday.com/cricket/the-ashes--428/

Som said...

NC, I just hope he comes out of the series in one piece.

Som said...

VTD, I guess no one will win Ashes. Wait for my 7 Reasons Why Australia Can't Win Ashes:)

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