The second Boer War was fought over the gold deposits of Orange Free State.
And after a 108-year lemon break, the Poms and the Proteas are at it again.
The Third Boer War is being thrust on us and it is being fought over Craig Kieswetter!
And once again, that arthritis-stricken, dozing UN is blissfully unaware of the impending gore and death.
Well, painstaking research revealed that this Kieswetter chap is a Jo'burg-born blighter, who represented South Africa in U-19 World Cup before deciding to infest Somerset.
If you have followed England, you know any crap with a 'Made in South Africa' tag finds easy currency in Pomland.
Already the Poms have stuffed their XI with four Protea imports. And they believe they can inch closer to their dream of turning this fledgling South Africa B team into a full-fledged South Africa B team by drafting in this Kieswetter blister.
Graeme Smith, however, can't help being the fly in the ointment.
More so in this case because Craig happens to be his middle name and you of course don't want your middle name to settle abroad.
So there you hear the rumble. But I guess a war may still be averted. If the edentate UN forgets its dodgy knee and spring into action that is.
Call it naiveté. Or call it asking for the moon. Ban Ki-moon.