Decoding Budget 2015

Chuck the economics mumbo-jumbo. In a nutshell, some stuff have just got more expensive and some cheaper. Ignore the economic gobbledygook and read on as Doosra explains the ramifications of the change in prices of certain stuff.

CHEAPER:
1. Agarbattis: A massive boost for Bollywood. How? Well, more producers can now burn them in front of their late parent’s B/W portrait and shoot the scene to be shown before opening credits;

2. Ambulance Service: Smart move, aimed at encouraging citizens to fall ill, which would in turn boost, among other, pharma sector and the death care industry;

3. Visiting zoos/national park: Disastrous step. More nutcases will now jump into tiger cages and become instant snacks;

4. Leather footwear priced above Rs 1000: Welcome move, especially for girls. Most sub-1000 footwears don’t last a five-minute thrashing of one of those male scoundrels that roam the world.

5. Pacemakers: Wise step. Those who have it ran 24x7 the risk of getting mugged at gun point. Making it cheaper means it’s no more lucrative in black market.


COSTLIER:
1. Cigarettes: A fundamentally-flawed move to curb cancer. People won’t stop smoking if you make cigarette costlier, something every budget has been doing. If you are really serious about curbing smoking, make cigarette so cheap that nobody would smoke it fearing they’d look downmarket. People buy iPhone because it roughly costs whatever a Chinese teenager’s kidney fetches from open market. Make it cheap and people won’t touch it with a 10-foot pole.

2. Eating out: Perfect move. For long, gastrointestinal diseases were so cheap that any Tom, Dick and Harry could dine out and get it. This move

3. Plastic bags: As Ravi Shastri would say: Just what the doctor ordered. It would force the stingy Bollywood actors to pay more for the stuff they collect and melt to cover up bodily flaws.

4. Cement. A masterstroke to rein in Jaitley’s BCCI colleague N Srinivasan. The more expensive it is, the fewer buyer. This would undermine India Cements chief Srinivasan’s affluence and clout in cricket world;

5. Liquor & Chit fund: A harsh move which effectively means if you’ve lost money in chit fund, you can’t even drown that sorrow in alcohol.

(Pix: Bloomberg)