Thursday, 12 September 2013

When Sachin Tendulkar Stormed Out of Arnab Goswami's News Hour

AG: Welcome to News Hour. My guest today is none other than Sachin Tendulkar. Welcome Sachin.

SRT: Aila! I thought Rahul would go before me! I had to sacrifice a diaper commercial to be here, you know door-knob.

AG: It’s not door-knob, Arnab. I appreciate your sacrifice. Well, let’s get straight to the point. What about retirement?

SRT: Aila, retirement. Ravi would have said ‘Just what the doctor ordered’. We’ll, it’s a good thing. Afridi does it frequently, Advani occasionally. About time I guess. Once you’ve made up your mind, it’s like ‘visa power, go get it’.

AG: Well, I think we have a Breaking News here. For the first time, on a national channel, Sachin Tendulkar utters the R word and sees logic in it. The million dollar questions is - When? The nation wants to know.

SRT: Well, I guess the earlier, the better.

AG: Amazing! This is unreal even for me! So when do you retire? The nation wants to know.

SRT: Aila! Me? You gave me a nasty shock! Why should I? Even Kambli doesn’t joke like that!

AG: What? You said it’s about time and you should go when people say blah blah!

SRT: Aila, nobody asked why I am not quitting!

AG: Mr Tendulkar, the clamour is growing by the hour. Every day cricket experts are appealing you to gracefully retire.

SRT: Appealing everyday? I’ll get the morons sanctioned by ICC for excessive appealing. I had no clue such a campaign is on!

AG: Don’t you read newspapers? Don’t you watch TV? The nation wants to know.

SRT: I’m not so narcissus Mr Goswami.

AG: Narcissus? I don’t get you.

SRT: See, I’m everywhere, peeping out from adverts in every page of every newspaper. And you can’t watch a TV programme without me appearing every 10 seconds. At times I think I’m looking at mirror!

AG: For once, I have to agree. But don’t people you meet daily tell you that you should quit gracefully?

SRT: That’s why you always see me with earphone. You think I listen songs all the time? It’s just to shut that R word out.

AG: But the nation wants to know when Sachin Tendulkar will retire!

SRT: Aila, nation? What nation? Even United Nations dare not ask me that.

AG: Mr Tendulkar, you can’t duck my questions. At News hour tonight, we ask it point blank – when will Sachin Tendulkar retire?

SRT: Aila, this man is like a broken record, won’t let me go without answering this. Ok, I’ll retire at the end of my career.

AG: And when your career ends? Be specific, for the nation wants to know.

SRT: When I’m done with cricket.

AG: Don’t test my non-existent patience Mr Tendulkar. You have nothing else to prove or achieve. Why don’t you realise you have overstayed your welcome?

SRT: Aila, nobody insulted me like this. Wait, my revenge will be postponing my retirement by another five years. Enough is enough. I can’t sit here anymore with a human doorknob.

AG: Err...what! You can’t storm out of an interview like this! This is not done!

SRT: Who are you to stop me? You forgot I’m an MP. We walk out on hourly basis in the parliament. Maybe I I’m still not too late for that diaper commercial. To hell with you and your nation wants to know, you pathetic piece of door-knob...


Anupam Patra said...

Thoroughly enjoyed this. Crisp and clever...

'human door knob' Ha !!!

Som said...

@Anupam, thanks :)

ekita said...

Brilliant.. :-D

Govind Raj said...

Door knob, Haha !

Som said...

@Ekita, thanks :)

Som said...

@Govind, glad you liked :)

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TECHSOME said...

Very pathetic writing, insult to a great.

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