Tuesday, 20 April 2010

How KKR can still win IPL III

Apparently, we have seen the last of KKR in IPL III.

Ganguly’s rare athleticism, Gayle’s blings and shades, McCullum’s tattoos, Shah Rukh Khan’s soppy tweets, Juhi Chawla’s smiles that actually met at the back of her head, the foulness of the jersey's colour scheme…nothing could bring home the bacon.

But not everything is lost yet. Miracles do happen, although not as frequently as Lalit Modi’s Twitters.

With a pinch of enterprise and bit of luck, KKR can STILL win IPL III and here is how.

1. First the cinch. SRK unleashes a charm offensive and convinces Herr Lalit Modi to pluck Ramalinga Raju out of Chanchalguda jail and entrust him with the number-punching job.

It would take some persuasion indeed but once achieved, the only job left would be to put the bubbly on ice for an April 25 uncorking. Golly!

2. SRK gets Fuhrer Modi to tweak the rules and decide that the title would go to the team owner with most Tweets against his name. And no prize for guessing that SRK wins hands down here. Yippee! 

Of his rivals, Nita Ambani apparently reckons Twitter is another oil company owned by her husband and you can’t blame her for that. Among others, Preity Zinta suspects Twitter is a sequel to ‘Twister’, Vijay Mallya is cocksure it’s an F1 videogame while Shilpa Shetty believes it’s a reality show and is in fact planning to sue the racist producer for leaving her out.

3. SRK seeks divine intervention and the script goes along these lines.  Ganguly and gang are, as his wont, late in arriving for the prize giving ceremony at DY Patil Stadium and a devastating earthquake gobbles up other seven teams.

Deals have been signed and TV rights have been peddled. So Monsieur Modi sees no other option but to handover the title to the lone survivors KKR, who go home praising Ganguly’s vision. Whoopee!

4. IPL turns out to be actually a Karan Johar movie in which SRK looks utterly unconvincing and sensationally silly all along but still ends up on the winning side in the end.

24 comments:

Govind Raj said...

The last one looks most likely.
There can be one more...

SRK uses all his clout with the 'Ruling Dynasty' at the Center and gets the other 7 teams disqualified under the 'Minorities Protection Law'. SRK being the only Owner from the Minority community gets the IPL title thanks to a 33% reservation for Minorities!

Som said...

Govind, in that case SRK will get 33% of the title:)

Govind Raj said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Govind Raj said...

Remember the first two editions were won by Non-Minority Teams. So this time it is entirely for SRK. And did you forget the fact that all other teams have succumbed to earth quake?

Satrajit said...

on a serious note.. really a pity to see wastage if Ganguly's tremendous form.

Arindam Sen said...

Another interesting option - SRK again uses his clout with the 'Ruling Dynasty' to prove that rest of the IPL teams were alloted illegally by the IPL King. All teams get disqualified and by default KKR gets the trophy. Anyway, the Ruling Dynasty is trying to make amend for the loss of their tweeter star, and what is better than dethroning the IPL King with the help of Bollywood Badshah!

Som said...

Govind, only person who has succumbed to IPL quake so far is Shashi Tharoor and can also see Herr Modi quaking:)

Som said...

Satrajit, Gangule surely redeemed himself, no question about that.

Som said...

Arindam, welcome to Doosra. You surely have a point but I don't think the Ruling Dynasty would go that far to please Bollywood Badshah.

Govind Raj said...

Saurav Ganguly is capable of redeeming himself time and again! That is why He is Dada! I will not be surprised if he goes on to score and IPL 100 next year!

Som said...

Govind, he quit - or made to quit - international cricket just at right time and I would expect him to quit IPL in the same manner, head held high. He has enough money anyway, so no point lingering till a dark hand grabs him by the scuff of his neck and pushes him through the exit door. Remember that Ian Chappell chestnut "Go when people ask WHY and not WHY NOT"?

Govind Raj said...

Som, Yes... He had looked like a total goner by 2005. But he made a big come back and quit only on his terms. Even I was disappointed by his batting in some of the earlier matches this IPL. But he struck back with vengeance.

So he will not linger very long, but IPL 4 is a definite possibility!

Sudharshan said...

good one som,
As the second semifinal is still not on... hope KKR still has a chance to qualify...lol

Nilesh said...

Mumbai Indians is the KING. Mumbai Indians win the cup.

Raju said...

Mumbai Indians KING ?????????

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Som said...

Sudharshan, you are showing solidarity to crores of us Bongs. Welcome on board Dada:)

Som said...

Nilesh, I alwayts knew the final was fixed. How else you know it so early? BTW, expected the tips little early, could have put some money on them:)

Som said...

Raju, take only the metaphor in Nilesh's comment, not beyond that:)

Som said...

Tanmoy, I too like the website, what a coincidence!

namya said...

Som,

cwb may sue you for using the F word.. remember how hard he came down on some joker wearing the F(uhrer's) mask :)

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