6 Reactions To The Eden Gardens Circus/Carnival

Kolkata feted KKR like it's going out of vogue.

I caught a glimpse of Mamata Banerjee clapping in a local TV channel. A few weren't sure they didn't see her even swaying, if not outrightly swinging those durable slippers, or Hawai Chappal (no blood relations whatsoever with Australian Chappell), as they Kol in Calcutta. Ok, call in Kolkata. Have it as you like folks.

Quite a few Bengali Bhadraloks were alarmed by what they called the brazen display of 'Oposongskriti' (cultural decadence is a lame translation of this priceless Bengali term).

Personally speaking, I'm a content man, convinced I've seen all there was to be seen.

In fact, I now have a story to tell my grandchildren. That of Shah Rukh Khan kissing the top of Mamata Banerjee's dome, the content of which remains one of 21st century's major unsolved mysteries.

Of course some of the SRK fans insist it should not be held against the showman and blame it on Kolkata's maddening heat, every time I think of it, it gives me a sensation that starts with a goose and ends with bumps.

When Doosra approached politicians and celebs to see how they viewed the celebration, some of the reactions were so sharp that a kid asked if he could borrow one to sharpen his pencil.

Sample the stuff:

Bappi Lahiri: I'm told all KKR player got a gold chain? You know what? First time I regret my Bollywood career and wish I were a cricketer. I feel like singing a sad song. "Pyar bina chain kahan re..." To hell with this song. It reminds me of that chain again!

Buddhadev Bhattacharjee: Communist Manifesto more or less covered it in the chapter which says "The Proletariats have nothing to lose but their chain". Well, the KKR players have nothing to lose but their gold chains. You know how rife pick-pocketing is in and around Eden Gardens area.

Mayawati: Mamata ji should immediate change Kolkata's name to Gautam Buddh Nagar. Arrey, in honour of Gautam Gambhir. And no Gautam Buddh Nagar is complete without a park with my statues.

Manmohan Singh: We strongly condemn the dastardly act and the culprits will be brought to book as and when they take some time off their busy schedule and make themselves available...hanji?... IPL celebration? O teri! Haan ji. Well, Madam G, matbal Madam ji, said instead of Sandesh, KKR players could have eaten a slice of pizza each. But then of course Mamataji knows better.

SM Krishna: On behalf of Pakistan't cricket-following public, I congratulate KKR, its owners and the city of Kolkata on this momentous victory. However, instead of gold chain or sandesh, I think they should have gifted the KKR WAGs a birkin bag each. I have 98 of them and it has got separate compartments for...err...seems this is Hina Rabbani's speech.

Navjot Singh Sidhu: Oye chha gaya guru, chha gaya! I admire Mamata ji, my friend. A CM who hectors the PM
whether AM or PM is a CM who's heard by PM and FM on AM and FM whether AM or PM. Samajh gaya na guru? Ok, let me start from the beginning. A CM who...

How KKR can still win IPL III

Apparently, we have seen the last of KKR in IPL III.

Ganguly’s rare athleticism, Gayle’s blings and shades, McCullum’s tattoos, Shah Rukh Khan’s soppy tweets, Juhi Chawla’s smiles that actually met at the back of her head, the foulness of the jersey's colour scheme…nothing could bring home the bacon.

But not everything is lost yet. Miracles do happen, although not as frequently as Lalit Modi’s Twitters.

With a pinch of enterprise and bit of luck, KKR can STILL win IPL III and here is how.

1. First the cinch. SRK unleashes a charm offensive and convinces Herr Lalit Modi to pluck Ramalinga Raju out of Chanchalguda jail and entrust him with the number-punching job.

It would take some persuasion indeed but once achieved, the only job left would be to put the bubbly on ice for an April 25 uncorking. Golly!

2. SRK gets Fuhrer Modi to tweak the rules and decide that the title would go to the team owner with most Tweets against his name. And no prize for guessing that SRK wins hands down here. Yippee! 

Of his rivals, Nita Ambani apparently reckons Twitter is another oil company owned by her husband and you can’t blame her for that. Among others, Preity Zinta suspects Twitter is a sequel to ‘Twister’, Vijay Mallya is cocksure it’s an F1 videogame while Shilpa Shetty believes it’s a reality show and is in fact planning to sue the racist producer for leaving her out.

3. SRK seeks divine intervention and the script goes along these lines.  Ganguly and gang are, as his wont, late in arriving for the prize giving ceremony at DY Patil Stadium and a devastating earthquake gobbles up other seven teams.

Deals have been signed and TV rights have been peddled. So Monsieur Modi sees no other option but to handover the title to the lone survivors KKR, who go home praising Ganguly’s vision. Whoopee!

4. IPL turns out to be actually a Karan Johar movie in which SRK looks utterly unconvincing and sensationally silly all along but still ends up on the winning side in the end.