10 Bollywood Facts I Bet You Didn’t Know

1. Aamir Khan's ears are aerodynamically designed, at an angle to help him slow down when on motion. Just like an aircraft while landing.

2. Income Tax guys once raided Akshay Kumar for disproportionate asset in the form of gum;

3. Anil Kapoor has severe vitamin D deficiency as sunlight can't penetrate his body hair and reach skin;

4. Hrithik Roshan's right hand has a nickname- "Pincode", for it has six digits.

5. Imran Khan uses complex geometrical instruments to get his hairline;

6. No domestic help has ever stolen any cutlery from Kamal Haasan's kitchen. They were never sure if the fork lying invitingly was not Kamal Haasan himself in make-up;

7. Aradhya Bachchan is likely to make her acting debut in a Tamil film against her grandfather Amitabh Bachchan's good friend Rajinikanth;

8. It's gross exaggeration to say Anushka Sharma is so thin that she can pass through the eye of a needle. Her hair tied in a ban, she gets stuck.

9. Shakti Kapoor is an ardent Nabokov fan. #Lolita

10. Shammi Kabab was originally called Prithviraj Kapoor. #ShammiKaBaap

7 Facts You Didn't Know About Aamir Khan The Perfectionist

Aamir Khan’s perfectionism is legendary. Apparently, he compares photocopies with the original document just in case.

That he is a conscientious actor is also well known. As a teen, he was never found sitting on a ladies’ seat in a bus. He preferred to lie instead, friends narrate.

What is not so well-known is Aamir’s involvement in some of the celestial, mythical and mytholigical events that shaped the world we live in.

Cutting a long story short, below are the 7 Facts You Didn't Know About Aamir Khan The Conscientious Perfectionist:

1. When Moses parted sea, an unimpressed Aamir said it was far from a perfect job as the left part contained .025 litre more water than the right.

2. Aamir censured God for creating the world in six days, pointing out several flaws and demanding an explanation for His baffling haste in what was His most important project. "I often find six days inadequate to decide whether to put a dot at the end of my autograph or underline it and here you..."

3. Aamir criticised Jesus Christ for resurrecting without giving a notice, saying it could have been a nasty shock for the old people with heart ailments in Nazareth.

4. Aamir severely rebuked Noah for using gopherwood to build his boat when even a kid knows carbon fibre is a far better option. He demanded an unconditional apology from Noah for risking the lives of the precious animals all current animals owe their existence to.

5. Unicorns didn't simply vanish off the face of the earth. Aamir wrote a strongly-worded letter to God questioning the logic and aesthetics behind creating what was essentially a horse-with-a-horn, prompting Him to recall the whole batch of the creature.

6. Aamir delayed Hanuman's return with medicine from Gandhamadan Hills, asserting Sanjivani and Vishalya Karani were not to be sold over-the-counter. He insisted on seeing Dr Sushen's prescription, leading to a fracas which ended with Hanuman lifting the whole hill, along with Aamir, back to where Laxman lay unconscious.

7. Aamir invited the brave Garuda to Satyameva Jayate and asked him if he had checked if Ravana possessed a pollution-control certificate for his Pushpak Rath.


(It's an insignificant humour platform and means no disrespect to anyone. Can surely expect that much common sense? Thanks.)

India's Seven Other Dalits!

Aamir Khan touched the untouchability issue in the July 8 episode of Satyamev Jayate.

Doosra was touched too. In fact so touched that wasted precious little time to compile a list of India's Seven Other Dalits, sneered at and ridiculed by their snooty peers.

1. Literature Dalit = Chetan Bhagat;
2. Music Dalit = Himesh Reshammiya;
3. Tennis Dalit = Leander Paes;
4. Fashion Dalit = Govinda;
5. Political Dalit = Amar Singh;
6. Food Dalit, ok Dalit Food = Rahul Gandhi;
7. Intellectual Dalit = Suhel Seth

(P.S. I'm a great admirer of the Aamir Khan show. The guy could have done any other show but chose this one. If it brings positive change even to one life, it's job well done. At the same time, my admiration should not come in the way of some harmless fun. Hope Aamir and his fans agree.)

In pursuit of the Fake IPL Player

At times, you have to shrug off inertia, wriggle yourself out of the comfort of your lair and even if reluctantly, respond to the call of the world.

And this was no fiddle-faddle after all.

The hitherto unflappable Barack Obama had grown fidgety; passer byes vouched there was a blood-curdling upheaval in Jade Goody’s grave in the Epping Forest; and even the stony Tiger Woods had started waggling!

It was as if the sky had dropped, hanging like a glass ceiling just above the head of a claustrophobe world which is struggling to breath in an air thick with suspense.

Who is this Fake IPL Player raking all the KKR muck?

My first suspect was Aamir Khan’s dog, which apparently shares its name with Shah Rukh Khan. Maybe spurred by its owner, the canine was out to deface...I mean defame...his namesake.

Dog running blog!

Well, YouTube is infested with videos of dogs using iPods. Trust me, some of them are more techno-savvy than most of us.

And there is a plausible explanation of the dog’s access to KKR dressing room dopes as well. Possibly it was his Colonial Cousin in SA, that same black mongrel which interrupted CSK-MI match, which is supplying him the fodder for thought!

So I ventured to get it from the horse’s...I mean dog’s...mouth but was stopped at the gate by Aamir himself.

“Have you voted? Show me your finger. Hey, what do you think of yourself, Greg Chappell? This is no Kolkata either. Show me the other one.”

Satisfied, he let me in and I politely asked the canine “Are you the Fake IPL Player?”

“Grrrrrrrrr.”

I asked Aamir to decode it but the Dr Dolittle did little other than leaving me with a muddier mind.

“From the angle of his erect ears and tail and the thickness of the saliva dripping from his quadrilateral tongue and considering the fact that he has been starving for the last three days...”

Before he had finished, I showed him a clean pair of heels and was back on the road, panting and gasping.

“It’s P Chidambaram, silly”. I heard the whisper but couldn’t see anyone in my eyeshot.

Well, not an impossibility altogether. In fact some felt it was PC who straight-drove IPL out of the country.

I sought and surprisingly got an appointment with him! Well, election time is the only time when you have access to the politicians. But his secretary made me do an MF Hussain and take my shoes off before letting me in and PC’s corrugated forehead smoothened only after he had inspected my feet.

“Sir, are you the Fake IPL Player?” I asked timidly.

“Don’t be silly. I’m too busy with election duty. Well, if you suspect someone in the cabinet, it could be Dr Ramadoss.”

Now that was an eye-opener! Indeed, every time SRK smoked, Ramadoss fumed!

“Hello, Dr Ramadoss?”

“Yes, speaking.”

“Sir, are you the Fake IPL Player writing all those dirty stuff about SRK?”

“You nitwit, I would use a log rather than a blog when dealing with that *&%$#@,” he hung up.

Well, I know it doesn't augur well for the world bu I’m afraid, Obama will continue to fidget for some more time.

Pix: Jess Bucchino, ‘The Wizard of Draws’