India's Post-Olympic Medals!

So the Mayor Dangling Ceremony, aka London Olympics, is finally behind us. Look over your shoulder and you still can see the blurred blob.

While countries such as US, China and the consortium called Great Britain prepare to exercise their global bragging rights, India returned with six medals from London.

Away from media glare, there was another medal giving ceremony where Indians who made their mark in London were suitably rewarded.

So ladies, gentlemen and otherwise, the winners are...

1. The Conspiracy Theorist Medal: Archery coach Limba Ram. For suggesting rivals used black magic and witchcraft to jinx Indian archers;

2. Redefining Indian Geography Medal: Amitabh Bachchan. For congratulating Mary Kom, the boxer from...well...Assam! To be fair to him, he promptly apologised and corrected himself. Most Indians qualify for this award anyway;

3. Serendipity Medallion: Vishnu Vardhan. Apparently, when you want something, the universe conspires to help you achieve that. Vishnu was plucked out of nowhere and thrown in the doubles mix only because Leander Paes and Mahesh Bhupathi fought like two wet cats over a dead rat. As if it was not enough, Philipp Kohlschreiber took the pain of pulling his hamstring to shove Vishnu into the singles main draw. Such was his luck that Vishnu mistakenly consumed pesticide but it turned out to be Coca Cola;

4. Gatecrasher Society's Personality of the Year Medal: Madhura Honey aka Nagendra. She ghosted her way past security guards and led Indian contingent in the Opening Ceremony in one of the lasting mysteries of the 21st century that would haunt Sebastian Coe for the rest of his life;

5. Fastest-Finger-First Medal: Ajay Maken. Mr Maken has significantly raised the bar for all Sports Minister, camping in London and tweeting as if there is no tomorrow;

6. Mike Tyson Spirit of the Game Medal: Sushil Kumar. For biting part of his Kazakh opponent's ear and keeping it as an Olympics souvenir;

7. International Angler's Society's Special Medal: Sania Mirza. For offering herself as a bait in the Paes-Bhupathi row;

8. Chilli Powder Manufacturers Association’s Special Medal: Mahesh Bhupathi & Rohan Bopanna. Bhupathi had bloodshot eyes after his doubles defeat and Bopanna said it was chilli powder;

9. Shahid Afridi Hollow Threat Medal: Vijay Kumar. For threatening to quit army if denied promotion.