Sunny Deol's Interview After Esha Deol's Marriage

Doosra: Congratulations Sunny. It must have been an emotional moment. A true Bade Bhaiyya's responsibility.

Sunny: Oh yes! But Papaji and Bobby also worked hard. And of course Hema ji.

Doosra: Hope everything went well?

Sunny: Well, almost. Pandal was good, food was great. Just don't know how some stray dogs, well, strayed into the pandal.

Doosra: Stray dogs!

Sunny: Balwant Rai ke kutteyyyyy.....

Doosra: Please, calm down, please!

Sunny: I'm sorry, got emotional. What were we discussing?

Doosra: That some dogs had strayed into Esha's wedding.

Sunny: Yes. Strange, despite having Papaji there. He even screamed that line from Sholay - "Kuttey, kaminey mai tera khoon pee jaunga" and most dogs ran for their life.

Doosra: Hope it was not a serious problem.

Sunny: Two dogs refused to leave. Hema ji was supposed to dance late in the evening which had to be cancelled.

Doosra: Why?

Sunny: Papaji got emotional and screamed again "Basanti, in kutto ke samne mat nachna!". You know how he is. Waise I'm no less emotional. I saw the tubewell and suddenly became Gadar's Tara Singh. I screamed "Humara Hindustan zindabad tha, zindabad hai aur zindabad rahega" and uprooted the tubewell.

Doosra: Good lord! What happened then?

Sunny: Half the baaratis fled from the scene and we had to apologise to bring them back. And when they returned, it could have been another crisis because I had uprooted the tubewell, which was the only source of drinking water!

Doosra: Oh boy! So how you managed that?

Sunny: Hema ji intervened. She immediately got 25 Kent water purifiers there, 23 of which she sold to the baraatis.

Doosra: Well, sounds quite eventful. But these are minor glitches, happen in every marriage.

Sunny: I guess so. We also ran out of paneer and rushed to nearest shop to buy more. Guess what? They had a balance but no stone. Fortunately I was there and solved the problem.

Doosra: How?

Sunny: You silly. Everyone knows I have dhaai-kilo-wala haat. We needed 5 kg paneer. So I put both arms on one side and they weighed paneer on the other. Dimple! I mean simple!

Doosra: Got the point, got the point. Must say it was an extraordinary marriage. Thanks for your time, it was pleasure talking to you.

P.S. Those interested in facts (god knows what they get out of it) Sunny & Bobby Deol were reportedly unsighted within 100km of Esha's marriage)

Gathered: 6 Mean Thoughts On Sania Mirza's Predicament

1. Sania Mirza first got wild card. Sania Mirza then got wild.

2. Sania Mirza's real predicament: Shoaib Malik is the reality, Mahesh Bhupathi the desire and Leander Paes the compulsion;

3. AITA used Sania Mirza as a bait because they tried Leander Paes first but even the fishes won't come anywhere near him;

4. Sania Mirza is likely to be refused entry at every fish spa. "You said you've been used as bait. What if the fishes eat your toe?"

5. Shoaib Malik insists Sania Mirza should accompany him on a fishing trip. He heard Sania was used as a bait;

6. Sania Mirza slammed AITA, Vece Paes, Leander Paes and others with so much vigour and all alone that WTA has recognised it as her first singles Grand Slam.

6 Reactions to Pranab Mukherjee's exit as FM

1. Shahid Afridi: Retirement? Well, not a bad thing. One should do it occasionally. I have done it a number of times. But as a senior in that department, my advice is don't overdo it. Twice a month, no more. I'm retiring now. I mean I'm retiring to bed now;

2. Sourav Ganguly: I think he was under pressure to retire. I still think he had at least two years' finance left in him. I think the Board, arrey High Command, pressured him into retirement.

3. Mahesh Bhupathi: As I have maintained all along, I'm not going to play with anyone except Rohan Bopanna. Worse, Pranab comes from the same state. Leander should follow Pranab and quit.

4. Mamata Banerjee: Good riddance. Hope the next FM would give us a good Bengal package. My only concern is he'd have ample time on hand as President and I just hope he does not take to cartooning. Will ask Manmohan ji to immediately stop supplying pencils and sketch pens to Rashtrapati Bhavan.

5. Shoaib Akhtar: I think he got scared after Sachin Tendulkar became an MP and immediately retired. When Tendulkar took oath. I saw Mukherjee's legs trembling. Don't trust me? Ask Afridi.

6. Vinod Kambli: I'm a very emotional man today for I can identify myself with Pranab Da. His career mirrors mine. I never got enough support from Tendulkar and ended up playing support roles in random movies. Sachin is an MP today but I'm not even BMC councillor. Pranabda too could have become the PM but he never got the support from Sonia Gandhi. I'm a very emotional man today and can't hold back my tears. Watch me sob on STAR TV, ok ABP TV, at 7:30 this evening. I'm a very emotional man today.

The Rs 35 Lakh Loo...t!

What kind of world we are living in where the whole country peeps into your toilet and even before you could say A-h-l-u-w-a-l-i-a turns it into a national debate?

If M.S.Ahluwalia is seething under that designer blue turban I, for once, have full sympathy for him.

The reaction to the Rs 35 lakh toilet at Ahluwalia’s office has ranged from predictable to potty.

Doosra presents the selected few, including that of Ahluwalia himself.

1. Pranab Mukherjee's secretary: "Sir is no more interested in the President's post, bujhlen? Instead, he'd be happy to succeed Ahluwalia in Planning Commission. I know that's a baffling demotion but then Sir never had ambition. Otherwise he would have been the PM, bujhlen? He says what would he do with a sprawling Rashtrapati Bhavan? He’d rather love a toilet like this. At his age, bujhlen?"

2. Ajmal Kasab: "In case India decides to hang me before I die a natural death, the government should grant me the final wish of once peeing at the Planning Commission toilet."

3. Tourism Ministry Secretary: "Flooded with requests from abroad, we are turning it into a tourist destination. Our next Incredible India campaign will be built around the toilet".

4. Meira Kumar: "I'm intrigued since I learnt about it and can't wait to see it but there is a minor problem. Had it been in some another country, I would have boarded the next available flight. Unfortunately, it's in India, that too in Delhi, some 5 km from my place. So I’m afraid I can’t make it. But I’d request Mr Ahluwalia and his colleagues to maintain some decorum there. Yeh aap ka hi hai. Is liye...Shaant Ho Jaiyye, Baith Jaiyye. Sab Ko Mauka Milega."

5. M.S. Ahluwalia: "Oye! What is this? Who changed my nameplate? I'm Ahluwalia, not Ah-Loo-walia!"

The Real Story Behind Baba Ramdev’s Meeting With Sharad Pawar

Hear it here first!

Baba Ramdev is buying an IPL franchise and that’s the precise reason he met ICC boss Sharad Pawar.

Don’t trust the chumps in mainstream media. They got it completely wrong, misled probably by the fact that Pawar, in between ICC meetings, also happens to be the agriculture minister.

Unlike Nitin Gadkari, Pawar didn’t touch Ramdev’s feet. It was a shrewd opening move by the Marathi strongman that forced Baba into an immediate introspection.

"Do I really have stinking feet?” Ramdev would occasionally mumble throughout the meeting.

For some strange reason, Gadkari derived such a superiority complex out of it that the BJP chief was sighted running around his Nagpur residence screaming “Pawar can’t bend! I’m fitter than Pawar”.

Well, below is the excerpt of what transpired between Pawar and Ramdev:

Pawar: Welcome Ramdev ji. Hey! What’s that? Don’t wink at the maid!

Ramdev: Sorry, Pawar ji. Don’t get me wrong. This is something I can’t help. Completely unintentional you know.

Pawar: Whatever. You don’t know how tough it’s these days to get another maid. Anyway, how come you are here?

Ramdev: Pawar ji, I want to buy an IPL team.

Pawar: But I’m not sure they want another franchise.

Ramdev: Pawar ji, there’s nothing you can’t do. I have even decided the name of my team.

Pawar: And what’s that?

Ramdev: Patanjali Panthers! Awesome, isn’t it? Of course ToI may still call it Team Haridwar. I have already identified players for my team.

Pawar: And they are?

Ramdev: Well, Hashim Amla has to be the captain and Mohd Yusuf his deputy. See, I want it to be a team of bearded players. By the way, is WG Grace available?

Pawar: But are there enough bearded players?

Ramdev: If not, we’d identify local talents and groom them. Their beard to be precise. Jawed Habib will join the support staff soon. In fact, I’m thinking of having beard-linked bonus clause in their contract.

Pawar: But Ramdev ji, IPL is sports and entertainment. It’s like showbusiness with cheerleaders etc. Are you fine with it?

Ramdev: You hurt me Pawar ji. What do you think of me? We too would have cheerleaders.

Pawar: Oh, really?

Ramdev: Of course! We’d slightly tweak the concept and have cheerleader bhaiyyas, wearing borrowed salwar kameez.

Pawar: Oh yes. I should have imagined it.

Ramdev: After every boundary hit by our players, cheerleader bhaiyyas would do Kapalbhati while every dismissal of the rival batsmen would trigger mass anulom-vilom!

Pawar: Good lord! But to be honest Ramdev ji, I’ve washed my hands of cricket and you better get in touch with IPL guys.

Ramdev: I know you have but I also know there’s nothing you can’t do.

Pawar: Ok, I’ll help you. But what we tell the reporters now?

Ramdev: Don’t worry Pawar ji. I’ll repeat that black-money thing. And we’d hug each other before the camera. Done?

Pawar: (Reluctantly) I guess I have to. Why don’t you wax your chest? Ok, ok, stop anuloming-viloming. Was just kidding. Let's go and meet the press.