Thursday, 27 May 2010

Afridi’s Secret Diary: My heart is bloody!

I’m totally offset and my heart is bloody like nobody’s business. I know sometimes you win, sometimes others loos. But wherever I think of T20 World Cup, my blood boils.

I knowed we are going to loos when I spoked a speech before the tournament. Been the captain, I told the boys ‘We Can Do It’. I said there is no IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary.

And you know what they said?

Our Board gave us a packet dictionary, saying it would help us to batter our English. Aamer looked at his dictionary and said it had the word “Impossible”. Ajmal said his book also had it too.

Salman Butt reads those defective stories and behaviours as if he is that Homes…what is the name? yes…Shylock. Shylock Homes. Salman said he can explain why it was not in my dictionary. He said Asif probably teared the ‘I’ page, rolled some powder in it and snorted it. 

Kamran Akmal said actually the shopkeeper foolished me and said he would come with me if he denies to agree to change the book.

It was there four that I lost my temperature. Such morons, not knowing simple English and creating generation gaps like nobody’s business!

Our coach Walker Bhai also lost temperature like nobody’s business. He is a total stranger you know, speaking strange things all the time.

First he said we should do some sole-searching. I don’t know why he spoked so. Still we searched each other’s sole. Showed him there was no nail and don’t knowed why he got angry and called us unspeakables like nobody’s business.

Then he spoked we should put our best foot forward. I said “But then all the batsmen will get LBW”. He again told me bad abuses like nobody’s business.

One more think I can share you. Walker Bhai nearly fixed the hole tournament!
He said “We will have to win it at any cost”! I asked “Walker Bhai, how many is the cost? Have you spoked to other teams and fixed their price?”

I don’t know why he said me badder abuses and threw his chappal at me like nobody’s business. Fortunately it was old, so it reverse-swung and I escapaded.

40 comments:

Naked Cricket said...

I'd like to read Walker bhai's secret diary - shame he's not on commentary anymore.

Venkat's Blogstar Galactica said...

This was awesome. Brilliant Blog.

Husha said...

lol.... I guess you don't know that Afridi's studied engineering at the Karachi N.E.D. university. It's really difficult to get into that uni by the way. He quit after 1 yr to focus on cricket
I doubt his diary would contain that many spelling errors...

Som said...

NC, struggling to maintain one diary. A sigh of relief for Walker Bhai:)

Som said...

Venkat, can't take your views seriously unless I see you popping up frequently enough:)

Som said...

Husha, welcome to Doosra. Honestly, didn't know about that engineering's-loss-cricket's-gain trivia about Afridi.
Jokes apart, show me a more charismatic leader than Afridi and I'll show you an imposter. Dhoni comes a distant second, at least in the yardstick I maintain. Cricket is alive because of characters like Afridi. All my jokes and silly puns are meant only for innocent humour. I'm not going to accept a cricket sans Afridi.

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pRAFs said...

old chappal, reverse swung... man u have me splits...
i was wondering why shahid hasn't written about becoming captain in all 3 formats,

Som said...

pRAFs, he's recovering from the shock. GIve him a little time and he'll be back:)

Murtaza Moiz Farooqui said...

Nice man too funny

Som said...

MMF, thanks. Saw your baby too. Nice job. Keep coming:)

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Hi Lydia, thanks. Will check it out:)

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Govind Raj said...

The Chappal reverse swinging is a back-handed compliment to perhaps the best exponent of reverse swing !

Even if it reached Afridi, it could have only crushed his toes, never upper part of body. Walker Bhai never sent misdirected yorkers :-)

Absolute fun Som :-)

Som said...

Govind, now that is perfection! Great stuff. And glad you enjoyed:)

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Anonymous said...

Is 'like nobody's business' really Afridi's catchphrase?

Amrita said...

Gosh this is hilarious!!!! I almost fell off my chair laughing!! I am a HUGE fan of Shahid Afridi...I absolutely adore him!!!...even after what he said about Indians...I know I shouldn't but I just can't help it! Totally loved the secret diary!!! Of course his English has improved over the years and he definitely won't make so many errors in his diary..but having said that..I guess he won't even attempt to write in English in his diary if he ever decides to keep one!! :D :D :D You MUST write more on him!!! Please please please write more on him!!!!

Doyel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

@ Amrita - I am in the same boat with you :P

First of all, I still feel that Afridi's comments were actually directed at the Indian media rather than Indians in general even though he blundered with his choice of words. However, it does not perhaps justify my lik

Som - great job! :) But Afridi, whatever I have heard, does not speak SUCH bad English

Amrita said...

@ Anonymous-

Afridi's comments were directed at a particular Indian player as well... I haven't been a follower of cricket really.. but as far as I know, he has something against Gambhir. So when the latter dedicated the victory to the victims of 26/11, Shahid got all fired up and ended up making a comment like that. I bet at that point of time, he was thinking about Gambhir and not the rest of the country! Unfortunately he failed to take into consideration the consequences!And you are right, he did blunder "with his choice of words".

Well maybe I am wrong, maybe I am speculating way too much... :P

I wish the two countries hadn't been separated...then Shahid could have been in the Indian team... Hate the political leaders!!

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Som said...

Anonymous, sorry for this inordinate delay. No, "like nobody's business isn't Afridi's catchphrase. I just liked it :)

Som said...

Anonymous, of course Afridi speaks better English. This is all white fun :) He's my favourite as well.

Som said...

Amrita, sorry for the delayed response. I;m a great Afridi fan as well. And as you must have noticed by now, I've carried on the series. Thanks for liking it :)

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Neal said...

The Chappal reverse swinging is a back-handed compliment to perhaps the best exponent of reverse swing ! Even if it reached Afridi, it could have only crushed his toes, never upper part of body. Walker Bhai never sent misdirected yorkers :-) Absolute fun Som :-)

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