Friday, 10 April 2009

EXCLUSIVE: Benched players complain to BCCI against Dhoni!


Doosra can safely reveal to its readers that things are rather rummy and not chummy in Team India camp. Just home after getting two huge monkeys off his back, poor Midas Singh Dhoni is blissfully unaware of the storm that has been brewing right under his nose since the Test series in New Zealand.

Insiders said the otherwise quiet quartet of L Balaji, Dhawal Kulkarni, Amit Mishra and Murali Vijay are signatory to a note of dissent that has reached BCCI President Shashank Manohar.

In the letter, the Fuming Four have accused Dhoni of usurping credits and inquired if a privilege motion could be introduced in the next parliament session against MSD for misleading the gullible nation.

Sources confirmed that the miffed foursome took the snub in NZ in their stride and was happy twiddling thumb, flirting with the same hotel receptionist, bargaining at the nearest fixed price showroom and playing Sudoku to maintain fitness in case of an emergency that might required them back in the field.

But what eventually ticked them off is Dhoni's unabashed bragging about how he and his team set a new benchmark in New Zealand.

"Factually speaking, it’s a shameless act of hijacking credits on Dhoni’s part while the whole world knows it was the four of us, who set the actual benchmarks. All we did in New Zealand was to warm the bench till there was obvious marks on it and here you have Dhoni making outrageous claims about setting the benchmark!" the irate players scribbled.

"As testimonials, we are separately parceling you chunks of the benches from Hamilton, Napier and Wellington bearing the marks of our posteriors and we encourage you to summon all four of us and Dhoni and find out who those benchmarks belong to,"
the letter read.

BCCI sources reckon both Dhoni and the miffed foursome are in for some dressing down soon.

Pix: Caricature by Harini

31 comments:

straight point said...

desh ki ijjat bench di in logo ne...

Som said...

SP, how true! Par Dhoni ko bhi thoda soch ke baat karna chahiye tha, nahi?

Ottayan said...

This is an unsubstantiated rumour. The fuming four underwent a check the doctors found their backsides were in pristine condition barring an odd boil or two.:)

Amy said...

I'm supporting the rebellion. These players put in the hard yards to keep those benches occupied and Dhoni takes all the credit. Shameful.

Naked Cricket said...

salah bench ch**

Som said...

OTTAYAN, I have to admit that you went right to the bottom of the story.

Som said...

Amy, welcome to Doosra and keep coming:)

Som said...

NC, I'm doubly grateful to those double asterisks you keyed in.

Naked Cricket said...

it is a blog for the whole family after all

Som said...

NC, amen.

Cricket Tragic said...

Som, just got a call from a close confidant in the BCCI that the quartet have been told to avoid the whole benchmarking exercise for any future tours by their counsellors as they may suffer permenant brain marks.

Absolutely hilarious, dude, I just can't figure out how you come up with this stuff!

Som said...

Cricket Tragc, welcome to Doosra and keep coming:)
And hey, Crcket is way too serious for my comfort, so trying at Doosra to relieve the game off some of its loads.

Ankit Poddar said...

Som,

breaking news:!!!!

dhoni has been able to now prove that some of the bench marks were of his posterier, his chest, his chest beating hands too!

dhoni is now been released by the BCCI and the fearsome foursome on a mere technicality, that he was on the bench pulling out his hair at Napier!

Som said...

Ankit, that's heart-breaking news for the Miff Foursome!

straight point said...

last heard dhoni is running after them and these feared four are yelling 'benchaao...benchaao'

Som said...

SP, can't help but feel for those four.

Q said...

At first glance, I thought the title read what NC has suggested and for a second I was shocked ;-)..

Som said...

Q, this is a family blog after all! Such extreme reactions are better to be expressed with rather generous dose of asterisks, skulls, bones, colons and other stuff.

pseudo intellectual said...

am with the benchmarkers.how dare dhoni usurp (whatever little) credit they get? :P

Som said...

Titli, so am I. Down down MSD!

Satrajit said...

Now I see what an important role I played in setting up new bench marks for my school. After all I always stood (my ground) on the bench and left my foot mark. And the credit went to the toppers. GRRRR.............

Satrajit said...

Som, one serious thought. Blogworks is going to publish an Indian Bloggers Directory. Why dont you register there? http://rajeshlalwani.wufoo.com/forms/blogworks-india-bloggers-directory-edition-1/

Satrajit said...

Som, one serious thought. Blogworks is going to publish an Indian Bloggers Directory. Why dont you register there? http://rajeshlalwani.wufoo.com/forms/blogworks-india-bloggers-directory-edition-1/

Som said...

Satrajit, there are legions who would be following in your footsteps...err footmarks. Jokes apart, we all have been-there-done-that, havn't we?

Som said...

And thanks for the link Satrajit, will have a look at it. And Shubho Naba Barsho too:)

Satrajit said...

Thanks and same to you Som. Subho nobo borsher preeti o shubhechcha :)

Maithreyi said...

Those are some pretty sorry excuses for benches if only 5 days of the Fuming Fours' bums could leave behind marks.

... Unless their respective gluteal regions hypertrophied and exhibited some kind of magical properties.

... So it doesn't make sense to be advertising your big bums, particularly to the big BCCI boss, does it? Unless you want to be excluded even from warming the benches next time 'round, a la Samit Patel or Romesh Powar!

... Hey. If a throwaway cliche can be twisted this far, then I damn over-analyse the twisting of the throwaway cliche. :D

And you made me want to revisit my Anatomy textbooks with re to the gluteal region and muscles of the lower limb. A thank you is in order.

Som said...

My Godd! Maithreyi, your comment have been an eye-opener. It was nothing short of an anatomical crash course at the end of which I'm filled with awe for the intricacies of the lower limb.

And hey, welcome to Doosra:)

achettup said...

After a careful examination of the said article, I am with Dhoni. These fools don't understand what he is trying to say... he has credited them! Or rather, he has not credited anyone else. Hence, surely he meant them and noone else. The wood from the NZ will only strengthen his case. Talk about being ungrateful.

Som said...

Achettup, I think you are being rather unfair on the bum-chums. They claimed Dhoni denied them a chair and made them sit in the same bench, in the same sequence, all through until they etched their impressed on the woods.

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