Concussed Gambhir fails memory test!

Hear it here first!

The nasty concussion has left Gautam Gambhir with a memory as dodgy as Suresh Raina’s technique against rising deliveries.

The team doctor paraded the entire Indian team and to their horror, Gambhir could not recognise his teammates!

Here is what happened there:

Doctor: Hi Gautam...hello Gautam…hey Gautam!

GG: Why are you poking at my ribcage?

Doctor: Because I’m calling you and you are not replying.

GG: But who am I? All I know is that I’m concussed.

Doctor: You are Gautam..

GG: Gautama? Gautama Buddha? Well, Buddha hoga tera baap.

Doctor: You are Gautam Gambhir. Indian cricketer.

GG: Oh yes, it all coming back to me.

Doctor: I’m relieved. Hey Viru, come here. Gautam, you know Viru?

GG: Yes. I know Viru...but he was not bald. Viru... he loves Basanti but mausi doesn’t like him.

Doctor: What are you talking? Viru is Virender Sehwag. Remember you are an opener. Hey, what are you doing? Why are you biting the can?

GG: You said I’m an opener. Was trying to open the can.

Doctor: My god! You are a cricketer who got consussed. You remember how?

GG: Yes, it all coming back to me. I was trying to catch Kevin...Kevin...Kevin Spacey.

Doctor: Pietersen!

GG: Oh yes. It all coming back to me. It’s Pietersen. Don't yell at me.

Doctor: Sachin, come here. Gautam, you know Sachin?

GG: Of course I remember. Sachin.. He has got a nasal voice. I like his "Ore majhi, le chal par".

Doctor: that’s Sachin Devvarman! I’m talking about Sachin Tendulkar!

GG: Oh yes, Tendulkar, Tendulkar. It all coming back to me. Don’t scare me doctor, now I remember it all. By the way, you sure I’m Gautam Gambhir?

Doctor: Yes. Apart from Sachin, you remember any of your team mates? You remember Rahul?

GG: Yes Rahul...he is Sachin’s son.

Doctor: Again! I’m not talking about Rahul Devvarman.

GG: Ok ok, stop scolding me. Was joking. It all coming back to me. Rahul who? Yes Rahul. He’s not Sachin’s son. He is Sonia’s son and will become Prime Minister some day.

Doctor: Hopeless. It’s Rahul Dravid. Ok will help you identify the rest. Look at him. Tell us who he is? His first name is Suresh. Does that ring a bell?

GG: Of coufrse. Hi Suresh. You look younger. You have shaved I see. Doctor, I told him to play cricket but he went to Commonwealth Games instead and got into troubles. I don’t know what he did there but was jailed. Have they released you from Tihar? I’m concussed you know…

Doctor: Aargh! Completely gone case. You can’t recognise anyone. Do you know me or you forgot the team doctor as well?

GG: I know you doctor. You are Dhoni. You got a doctorate other day. I remember everything. It...

Doctor: ...all coming back to you, isn't it?

Chappell's likely successors!

So India has already played the last match under Guru Greg, apparently so. If media reports are to be believed, Chappell can forget about an extension and rather pack his bag and board the first Qantas flight home.

So, who should take the hot seat now? I have some names in my mind, BCCI would do well to have a dekko at it. This is an open-end list, feel free to nominate yours.

1. Swami Ramdev: A popular, and hence not necessarily valid, view has been that endorsement has become a huge distraction and the cricketers simply have lost focus. And to right that wrong, you can’t have a better choice than Ramdev. He is no alien to cricket and he in fact had advised the players to practice Yoga before the World Cup. Dravid’s men must have ignored it and paying the price for ignoring his divine formula. At least one Team India member has been spotted visiting him once why don’t Dravid, Tendulkar, Ganguly and Yuvraj follow Dhoni? So, bye bye push-ups and welcome pranayam.

2. Lalu Prasad: So what if he messed up Bihar? See how he turned that Great Indian White Elephant, the Indian Railway, into a profit-making juggernaut. These days Mr Prasad is a sought after name even in the IIMs and Harvards. And he apparently believes he can player better than the Men in Blue. He heads Bihar cricket Association and his son, Tejaswi, has represented Delhi in Polly Umrigarh trophy. Enough link with the game, isn’t it? And haven’t you heard of railway coaches? If he can script a turnaround in Railway’s fate, what’s the heck is this cricket team?

3. Sonia Gandhi: Agreed Italy is more known for Pizza, Pasta, Leaning Tower, Don Corleon and a certain Marco Materazzi. Also agreed that so far, no Italian has ever been accused of being sighted in and around any cricket stadium. But just see how she’s running the Great Indian Coalition Show. She picked a compliant, acceptable captain to

lead a team which has its fair share of in-fighting but overall, it’s producing the results. She belongs to the Bennette King genre. King never played first class cricket and yet went on to coach West Indies in the World Cup. Madam fits the bill to the T.

4. Greg Chappell Again: Read it right. Journalists and fans across the country owe him a drink. Spat with Ganguly, middle-fingering Kolkata, showing how e-mail and SMS can be used to deadly effect and devaluing phrases like “means-over-outcome”, “experimentation” etc. Indian cricket won’t be the same once he departs.