Take the citations that go with all government awards. They simply lack soul and sound funereal. Insert some interesting tidbits about the winners and see how honest and fascinating it reads.
Image Bharat Ratna citations reading like this:
Shanthajit Sreechandila, Cricketer* Rejected six match-fixing offers in a spotless career – either lacking the courage or the offers were not good enough.
* Cried twice on camera when asked about dark past. Would have been tried for tax evasion in any civilized country but used his connections to get away with it.
* Team mates fondly remember him as the stingiest person they shared dressing room with.
* Opponents remember him as a champion sledger with a penchant to involve female family members of his rivals.
* Often found digging nose at the presentation ceremony.
SureshRaja JayaKaruna Prasad, Politician* In the 1716 rallies he addressed, had 17 chappals hurled at him, was slapped seven times and twice attacked with ink – least among his compatriots.
* Was found sitting through the national anthem on 11 occasions.
* A steady supplier of workforce to the government, he accommodated 136 of his family members in various departments.
* Introduced five different women as his wife at different points of time.
* Used political connections 201 times to get relatives out of jail.
* Set up Hai-Huku Commerce University of Science and Arts to match the institute he had forged his Master’s degree from. Seven of his rival candidates remain missing for over a decade.
RajKaran Verma, Bollywood Director* More than 50% of his films didn’t attract plagiarism charges, a rarity in the industry.
* Maker of mostly women-centric films with the recurring theme of under-textiled females gyrating in rain under the Duckworth-Lewis method.
* A Bollywood pioneer who rendered plots redundant.
* Got three national awards, using either bribe or threats.
* Have steadfastly refused to be funded by anyone outside underworld. Often takes the underworld’s help to negotiate fees of his actors.